STOP LIVING IN THE PAST

Many compulsive gamblers struggle in the early days of their recovery, through looking back to their past life, burdening themselves with guilt, remorse, money they have lost, opportunities they have missed, or lack of progress at work. Our experience has shown that if we are to recover, these things must be left in the past and we must move on.

Guilt and remorse can cripple us. They are very close to self-pity. We must strive to replace them with the acceptance of responsibility, and make amends where we can.

Money lost

- We must accept that this money is gone. We have already spent considerable time and money trying to get it back, with no success. All we have achieved is more misery and more pain.

Opportunities missed

- If we come to accept a safe, and more prudent way of life, we will have more opportunities, and if we are free from gambling and living a useful life, we will be able to take advantage of them when they occur. The old ones are gone, look forward to the new ones.

Lack of progress at work

- What can be done in that field depends a lot on the age and abilities of the member. However, irrespective of age or ability, any member can become a better worker. Probably for the first time in years, we are able to concentrate on what our job requires us to do. We can channel the energy we needed for gambling into our daily tasks, then leave the rest to our own higher power.

To sum up, our experience has shown us that if we care to embark on a new life, free from gambling and all the problems and misery that gambling generates, then we must close the book on the life we are leaving behind.

STEP WORK ~ GA Guide to Workng Step One

Step One ~ We admitted we were powerless over gambling – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step One tells us that admitting our gambling defeat is humiliating and we naturally resent this show of weakness.

1. This opposes our instincts.


2. Destruction is at hand when we gamble.


3. We are at war with ourselves when attempting to gamble denying our failure and unwilling to admit our weakness.

Discuss with your sponsor or counselor or another fellow member:
A) When did we first discover and/or sense the problem of our compulsive gambling ?

B) Describe instances that prove we can no longer gamble normally.

In GA we discover that admitting our gambling problem to others has become the foundation on which our recovery will be built.

1. Our foundation can only be as strong as our continued belief that we are powerless.


2. Our reservation about powerless over gambling (doubt), block our recovery.

Discuss with your sponsor or counselor or another fellow member:
A) Has acceptance of our “powerlessness” grown while attending meetings ?

B) Have we stopped searching for answers and causes of our gambling problem and started to deal with the problem on a daily basis ? ? Explain

Step One announces we are instinctively shocked when told that “will power” and self-knowledge will not break our obsession to gamble.

Discuss with your sponsor or counselor or another fellow member:
A) How has “will power” failed in the face of gambling ?

B) What is the meaning of the slogan “KEEP IT SIMPLE” ?

C) Have we begun to come to Gamblers Anonymous for our own personal survival - - not to satisfy others ?

Our failing brought us to GA. By admitting and accepting our problem we become willing to listen and remain open-minded.

Discuss with your sponsor or counselor or another fellow member:
A) How we learn by attending meetings regularly ?

B) Are regular meetings a chore or source of relief ?

C) Has our ability to listen improved steadily or are we bored at times ?

D) Is Gamblers Anonymous our mirror ?

Open-Mind

"Today when someone points out a shortcoming, my first reaction may be defensive. I know there will always be room for growth. I am still learning”

Recovery is a process that brings about change in my life. I need that change if I am to continue my growth toward freedom.

It’s important that I remain open-minded when others point out my shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for us to change and grow. Especially those shortcomings which I thought were my strength.

Reacting defensively limits my ability to receive the help they are offering to me; letting go of my defense opens the door to change, growth, and new freedom.

Each day in my recovery process will bring an opportunity for further change and growth. The more I learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, the more I will grow and the more comfortable I will become with my recovery

ACCEPTANCE

The Way to Serenity & Peace of mind.

I struggle to live life on life's terms in recovery. Often, I was advise : "If you can't solve your problems, learn to live with them and in-spite of them"

"Oh sure ... sure ... just like that.... it's just so simple.... I thought...."

- - Just accept it that there are people, places and things that you cannot change them. In recovery, we use the serenity prayers - - written by Reinhold Niebuhr.

It was shared by many that you simply ask God to give you the ability to take people, places and things as they are, if you cannot change them. We can seldom change people, especially those that we have harmed or traunmatised during the course of our active addiction. We cannot expect them to be delighted or grateful for our recovery. BUT we can Change ourselves.

Acceptance is the only real source of tranquillity, serenity, peace. It is alos known as "Surrender", "Bowing to the Inevitable", "Joining 'em". It can be acquired if you have an urgent desire to help yourself and are willing to ask God to help you.

In practise:

Face up to the problems that is driving you wild, and say: " Is there anything I can do about it right now today?" If there is do it ! Don't put it off another minute. If there's nothing you can do about it today, accept it and forget it.

I don't get over a high wall by banging my head against it - I will just get a headache and a bruised head. If I sit down in a shade of the wall and say "MAYBE I'm better off on this side, afterall !!"

I am keeping the faith, and trusting God will make things turn out better for me and for everyone else around me.

Jeremaiah17:7
"Blessed is the man who trust in GOD, whose condfidence is in HIM"

Understand and Apply the 12 Step Recovery Program

When compulsive gamblers read the 12 steps of recovery for the first time, their reactions can vary:

a) some fear it ..... "it is an impossible task"

b) some denied it ...... "I dont need to do all these things"

c) most common, some are just so sick they dont understand what it is being asked of them so they put it aside

Whatever the reaction, do not panic. When the higher power gave us the 12 steps, he also gave us plenty of time and better still, he gave all of us the same time --- THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

We believe that Step 1 - - " We admitted we were powerless over gambling, that our lives had become unmanageable" - - is virtually a precondition for all the rest. Unless we can admit and accept that gambling has us "licked", that there is no way we can win, we will struggle.

However, we also understand that some of us "just need to place a bet" ... and it's not about winning but about dependence on gambling to achieve the mood change he/she required. Many of us used gambling to cope with our emotions....fear , stress, anxiety, escape life, guilt, depressed ......

The acceptance of Step 1 can keep people free of gambling on its own but, as has been said so often, stopping gambling is not enough. So our predecessors, in their wisdom, laid down the other 11 steps steps of recovery which will enable us to live normal, decent lives and play our part in the society within which we live.

Recovery is a process of Change,

Changes takes time and is progressive in nature.

You may not have stop gambling when you join us in the program, you could progressively achieve total abstinence from gambling. It's one day at a time. As one of the member reflected :

"I still punt, but not the way I used to. I started to have thoughts of my love ones and family each time I place a bet..... sometimes I do walk away without betting, sometimes I place a small bet. It's not about winning, but allowing it to calm down my struggles within. I havce learned to place enough safety nets while I progresses .... I have my love one (my wife) to check on me, I don't hold extra money or credit card or even atm card. I take daily allowance from my wife..... hopefully as I progress in the recovery, there is no need for me to place even a small bet anymore ...."

There is a tremendous amount of knowledge and wisdom in the GA meeting rooms.... It's not just abt 12steps..... it's about each and everyone of our experience and strength in recovery, helping us to learn to live life on life's term, encouraging members to stay out of trouble due to gambling, going back home safely each day!!

There are many ways to recover, take whatever works for you..... and if you can't find any, try this simple, structured 12 steps program.

It will enable you to know yourself better.

It will set you at peace with yourself and fellow human beings.

It will bring you serenity and allow you to manage your life with some dignity, self-respect and the love of your love ones, famliy and fellow man.

Old Dreams Needn’t Die

“Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise.”

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our gambling addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of our gambling career ..... the pursuit of the false hope of a big win....

Our dreams didn’t go beyond the next BET and the euphoria we hoped it would bring. Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions.

We may discover that we’re very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards. We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Now we can use our energy to do whatever we can, one day at a time, to the best of our ability ... to work towards fulfilling our dreams.

We will not be anxious of anything. Our heart will be filled with gratitude, thanks-giving and in everything, we will pray about it and turn it our to the care of God.

Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we’re capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today:

Starting today, I’ll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

This program offers HOPE

“This program offers hope. All you have to bring with you is the desire to stop gambling and the willingness to try this new way of life.”

From time to time we wonder if we’re “doing it right” in GA. Are we attending enough meetings? Are we using our sponsor, or working the steps, or speaking, or reading, or living the “right” way?

We value the fellowship of recovering addicts—we don’t know what we’d do without it. What if the way we’re practicing our program is “wrong”? Does that make us “bad” GA members?

We can settle our insecurities by reviewing our Third Tradition, which assures us that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling.”

There aren’t any rules that say we’ve got to attend this many meetings or these particular meetings, or work the steps this way at this pace, or live our lives to suit these people in order to remain GA members in good standing. It’s true that, if we want the kind of recovery we see in members we respect, we’ll want to practice the kind of program that’s made their recovery possible.

But GA is a fellowship of freedom; we work the program the best way for us, not for someone else. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling.

- - Just for today- -

I will look at the program I’m working in light of my own recovery. I will practice that program to the best of my ability.

~ STEP ONE ~

We at GA, believe our gambling problem is an emotional illness, progressive in nature, which no amount of human will-power can stop or control.

We have facts to support this belief. We believed, at one time or another, that all of our problems could be solved with a BIG WIN. Some, pathetically, even after making a big win, found themselves in WORST trouble within a short period of time.

We continued to gamble ....... We found we had risked loss of family, friends, security and jobs. We still continued to gamble. We gambled to the point where it resulted in imprisonment, insanity or attempt suicide. We still continued to gamble and were unable to stop.

We fell victim to a belief that if only our financial problems could be solved, we would be able to stop gambling or even be able to gamble like normal people. Many times we swore we would never gamble again believing we had the will-power to stop gambling.

We believed a lie. We believe we had the power to stop or control our gambling. Our inability to honestly look at our gambling problem enabled us to continue to gamble. In spite of all of the evidence from our past, we still denied the truth about our gambling

Upon entering GA, we must develop the ability to honestly look at our gambling. This is the first step in our process of recovery. Without honesty, we cannot admit our powerlessness over gambling. We must honestly accept, admit and unconditionally surrender to this powerlessness in order to proceed with our recovery. any reservations we had or may presently have that we can gamble again means we still believe we are not powerless over gambling and that we have not admitted or accepted our powerlessness. (either we have power over gambling or we don't.

To those members who have difficulty with admitting their powerlessness over gambling, they should write about their gambling, and the destruction their gambling has caused and their countless futile attempts to stop gambling. Use the '20 Questions" as a guide. Write extensively, thoroughly and specifically using each of the questions as a central focal point. Only with the awareness and the acceptance of the hopelessness, helplessness and desperation of our situation (as compulsive gamblers) can we develop the open-mindedness required for STEP 2.

~~ STEP ONE ~~

Step 1 : WE ADMITTED WE WERE POWERLESS OVER GAMBLING THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.

In the first step of the recovery program, members admit their powerlessness over gambling and learn to accept the truth about compulsivegambling - - that it is an incurable progressive illness which only can be arrested through total abstinence from gambling.

Members acknowledge that they were powerless to control their lives when gambling dominated their actions, Through this admission, members gain the inner strength to deal with theor problems and face responsibilities ..... recovery is our responsbility.

In Step One, complusive gamblers are asked to accept the fact that their lives had become unmanageable. Members acknowledge that the gambling illness disrupted their financial stability and many aspects of their lives, including family, work and other personal relationship.

The admission and acceptance that come with Step One are pre-requiste to controlling the destructive behavior caused by complusive gambling.

The first step of the recovery program is just as important to someone who has abstained for a considerable period of time as it is to a newcomer. By regularly reviewing Step One, members are reminded of the past so that they will no repeat it.

Spiritual Principles for Step One

Honesty

Open-Mindedness

Willingness

Humility

Acceptance

JUST FOR TODAY

JUST FOR TODAY, my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without gambling ........

JUST FOR TODAY, I will have faith in someone in GA who believes in me and wants to help me in recovery.......

JUST FOR TODAY, I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability ...........

JUST FOR TODAY, through GA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life .........

JUST FOR TODAY, I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not gambling and who have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I ahve nothing to fear ........

JUST FOR TODAY, I will keep it simple, one day at a time , let go and let god.

~ KEEP IT SIMPLE ~

“We live a day at a time but also from moment to moment. When we stop living in the here and now, our problems become magnified unreasonably.”

Life often seems too complicated to understand, especially for those of us who’ve dodged it for so long. When we stopped gambling, many of us came face to face with a world that was confusing, even terrifying. Looking at life and all its details, all at once, may be overwhelming.

We think that maybe we can’t handle life after all and that it’s useless to try. These thoughts feed themselves, and pretty soon we’re paralyzed by the imagined complexity of life.

Happily, we don’t have to fix everything at once. Solving a single problem seems possible, so we take them one at a time. We take care of each moment as it comes, and then take care of the next moment as it comes. We learn to stay clean just for today, and we approach our problems the same way.

When we live life in each moment, it’s not such a terrifying prospect. One breath at a time, we can stay clean and learn to live.

Just for today, I will keep it simple by living in this moment only. Today, I will tackle only today’s problems; I will leave tomorrow’s problems to tomorrow.

Matthew 6:34

## Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own ##

Easy Does IT ??

Are you trying too hard in recovery ?? ........ I am ...

Are you trying to run a fast race in recovery ?? ....... I am ....

Are you trying to carry too much, too early in recovery ..... thinking of being trying to take proper responsibility ?? ... I am ...

If the answer to these questions are "YES" ..... then you maybe in danger liao......

why leh ??? ..... SIMPLY PUT IT .... "FRUSTRATION"

As I enter recovery, as things are seeming to be on the right track, as I "seem" to be more sober up ....... then "pink cloud" hits me and blinded me ..... the addict within took control without me knowing......

I tend to forget that the addict is still within .... I think that I can stop my gambling habits and destructive lifestyle now...... AND I "really" try to believe that my love ones around me has forgotton about the pain I caused them in the past......

I thought they have forgiven me and able to leave the bondage of the past me - which had traumatized and hurt them so much .......


BUT that wasn't the case ....... the addict ME still "lived" in them.... I thought they have changed ... not knowing it's ME who have changed.....

In many daily issues, there are many instance and issues that I am not in agreement to them, opinions, views, ways of handling situations etc ..... I STILL CAN'T LET IT GO ..... I STILL CAN'T BE COOL and LET THEM WIN OR LET THEM BE ......

As the exchange of views happen, as confrontation happens, the gambler within wanted to win ....

I wanted to resolve the matter immediately ... I felt let down .... I felt why can't they see I have already change ..... why can't they listen to me now......

I felt hurt by their crude remarks of the past .......

"Don't you remember the past ??"

"Don't you remember what you did ?? " ..... ...

"Can't you keep your feet on th ground ?? " ....

"You are the one who had caused these damages .... " ...... "

"You make us lose everything..... you caused us embrassment...... "

WOW .... WOW ..... WOW

How to react to these situations ?? .... these comments ?? ..... which were so hurtful ....... especially when I am trying so hard to make things right, trying my best to make it up...... trying my best to give them all my love... it's fraustrating as they all don't seems to understand me ....

CANT THEY ALL BE GRATEFUL THAT I AM IN RECOVERY ..... ???

It's seems a uphill road for me ..... lonely .... painful ... OFTEN I SANK into SELF-PITY mode ...

THEN GOD's Voice spoke ...... "Bennie, have you realise it's all about "YOU" again ??? ""

I then replied .... "YA ... YOU told me recovery is about "ME" what....... ??"

GOD's voice spoke again ......

"RECOVERY is about "YOU" .... RESTORATION is about them"

I then replied ... "Huh .... ??"

GOD's voice ceased with .......

"SLOW DOWN ..... EASY DOES IT ... IT TAKES TIME"

"GET OUT OF THE CLOUD FIRST ....."

~~ SERENITY PRAYERS~~

"Do not be anxious of anything. For everything, commit in prayers to GOD, with a grateful and thankful heart."

~~ I AM NEVER ALONE ~~

"Sharing with others keeps us from feeling isolated and alone"

––––=––––

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being lonely is a state of the heart, an emptiness that makes us feel sad and sometimes hopeless. Loneliness is not always alleviated when we enter into relationships or surround ourselves with others. Some of us are lonely even in a room full of people.

Many of us came to Gamblers Anonymous out of the desperate loneliness of our addiction. After coming to meetings, we begin to make new friends, and often our feelings of loneliness ease. But many of us must contend with loneliness throughout our recovery.

What is the cure for loneliness? The best cure is to begin a relationship with a Higher Power that can help fill the emptiness of our heart. We find that when we have a belief in a Higher Power, we never have to feel lonely. We can be alone more comfortably when we have a conscious contact with a God of our understanding.

We often find deep fulfillment in our interactions with others as we progress in our recovery. Yet we also find that, the closer we draw to our Higher Power, the less we need to surround ourselves with others. We begin to find a spirit within us that is our constant companion as we continue to explore and deepen our connection with a Power greater than ourselves. We realize we are spiritually connected with something bigger than we are.

––––=––––

("GOD IS LOVE ~ 1John4:8)

Just for today: "I will take comfort in my conscious contact with a Higher Power ~ my GOD. I am never alone"