A Sad Ending of A Army Officer

Another familiar story .... yet another sad ending ..... This story touches my heart .... how many of such stories have we read and how many of them went untold ....

Just check out what were the comments given in the link below for this report:
http://sg.yfittopostblog.com/2011/02/15/army-captain-turned-loanshark-runner-charged-in-court/#

SAF captain turned loan-shark runner sentenced to jail, caning

By Faris – February 19th, 2011

 

Kheng said that his first visit to the casino at Resorts World Sentosa had got him hooked and in the next few months, his loss exceeded “five figures”.

An army captain was sentenced to 2 years’ jail and twelve strokes of the cane for working as a loan-shark runner to repay his debts.

Kheng Kok Keong, 34, had pleaded guilty on Monday to four charges of harassment for vandalizing the homes of alleged debtors. Seventeen other charges were taken into consideration by the judge in sentencing.

The father of two children revealed that his first visit to the casino at Resorts World Sentosa last year had got him hooked. As such, he made repeated visits. In the next few months, he went on to lose a small fortune exceeding “five figures”.

“I went to the casino to check out the place out of curiosity but things started (to get out of control) from there and I just couldn’t stop,” he told The Straits Times on Thursday. After losing $30,000 at roulette, he turned to unlicensed moneylenders. When he could not repay the loans, he was roped in by a creditor — known only as Ah Seng — to harass other debtors.

His jail term was backdated to Oct 16. He had been held in remand after he was arrested at Block 103, Commonwealth Crescent. That night, he had vandalised an eighth-floor unit. He was caught by his victim when he returned to retrieve a pack of cigarettes he had left behind.

By then, he had been on the “job” for four months. From last June, he had vandalised homes by splashing paint on doors, injecting glue into padlocks and keyholes, and scrawling messages on walls.

Before his run-in with the law, Kheng was working as a logistics officer in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF), drawing a monthly salary of $5,000. In his 14 years with the army, he had also served as a peacekeeper in Timor Leste. He was sacked after he was charged.

According to court documents, he vandalised 21 flats in September and October last year, mainly in Clementi, Commonwealth Crescent, Redhill and Toa Payoh. Whenever he received an assignment, he would leave his Yishun Avenue 6 flat with his gear of black paint, black permanent marker, superglue and ski mask which he wore to obscure his face.

“Since I borrowed money, and they offered me this option, I just did it,” he said of his decision to be a loan-shark runner. “I wasn’t scared, I just thought that was the only way to repay the amount.”

He earned $2,000 each month for his efforts, all of which went towards paying off his debts.

Before he turned to Ah Seng, he had borrowed smaller sums from friends. But each time, he would go back to the casino hoping to recoup what he had lost. That was how his losses snowballed, he said.

After his arrest, his creditors besieged his flat and threw black paint on the gates, as he had done to his victims. To avoid the harassment, his wife returned to her native Taiwan, taking along their children aged five and seven.

Asked if he regretted his actions, Kheng fell silent. “I have lost contact with her,” he said of his wife. His parents, who were not at the sentencing, had also become estranged from him.

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The diesease of addiction not only affected people with low education, low income or poor family. It can also affect people who had good education, high education, high income, a well-to-do family too.

Man, woman, young, old, rich, poor ..... It's always only evident as a gambling problem when one start losing .....

The diesease of gambling addiction has no preference ..... it can hit anyone, anytime, winning, losing, chasing etc .... 

IT has no cure but it can be ARRESTED ..... but you can't do it on your own ...

So now even our govt sector people are affected ..... so is it "infectious" ... how bad has it spread ??

Is anyone looking into it ? Is anyone providing help, reaching out to these group of people, helping them to get back on the right track again ? Is all the money we spent on this community project of "Know the Line" working ?? Anyone really evaluating it ???

On the other hand, many gambling addicts kept complaining ... "Is anyone giving us a second chance ......."

To all gambling addicts out there ..

I have a message for you ....

"You have to give yourself a second chance in life first, before  anyone could give you that second chance in life that you need !!! 

In recovery, It works only if you work it !! Take that First Step towards recovery today !! The road of recovery is always under construction and it may not be completed in this life time !!

Another Sad Ending of a Gambling Addict

日期: 21/01/2011 新闻来源: 联合晚报 记者: 意外组 摄影: 饶进礼

烂赌夫坠楼　遗下分居妻女

赌场、感情两失意，汽车销售员疑一时看不开，留遗书叮咛年轻太太好好照顾年幼女儿后，从住家厨房一跃而下，结束了宝贵的生命。

事故发生在昨晚8时左右，地点是兀兰环路第609座组屋。坠楼的汽车销售员是28岁的陈清德。据了解，他和21岁妻子注册结婚两年多，还未行华人婚礼，育有一个一岁多女儿。他已和妻子在一年前分居，妻子带着女儿住在娘家。

死者的父亲（58岁，司机）说，他和妻子（死者的母亲）昨晚8时回家，发现家里凌乱不堪，到处是酒瓶和食物，两人开始收拾，不久，警察上门，他们才知道儿子已坠楼。陈父过后发现儿子在睡房留了遗书，向父母道歉的同时，也要太太和家人好好照顾年幼的小女儿。

 

 

Another Sad Ending chosen by a gambling addict ...... it was reported in the papers that the dad said HE picked up gambling since young starting with soccer betting then eventually go into Casino. Since the Casino open in Singapore, HE signed up as member of the Casino. However, after losing hundred thousands of dollars which the family helped HIM to repay, the family went ahead and applied for the Casino exclusion order.  But this didn't stopped him from gambling. HIS sister said that HE tried several attempts to QUIT gambling but ended up still going back to GAMBLE .....

 

I thought to myself  ...... Even during his rock bottom, This person has never has a chance to meet people like us to help him ... He never knew that there is group that he can go to and get help ..... He never know how to deal with this cunning blaffing and powerful disease of addiction ...... He never knew why he can't stop and why he kept gambling ...

 

 

 He suffered in silence, held hostage by HIS ADDICTION and sank into depression and eventually find it too much for him to take it and decided to call it a day. BUT he just didn't know the pain he left behind ....

 

I REALLY FELT FOR HIM ..... I have been there before and understand how he feel and what's going thru in his mind ..... I bear his pain ..... I feel for his parents, his wife who still loves him and his little princess ....

 

As you could read from the many similar news, If this disease is not arrested, you not only lose money, your love ones and eventually your own life .... It's a very painful disease and even more painful if you need to suffer alone in SILENCE ....

 

Our country has a community program running for the past years to create awareness of problem gambling and kept introducing a HOT-LINE number for problem gamblers to call in and seek help ....

 

Is this effective after spending so much of money on this ...... What abt the treatment at our National Addiction Management Services at NAMS ..... ??  Do they know what kind of help we really need and are they prepare to really help people like us ......

 

What kind of help is there really out there in the community to reach out to people like this MAN whom the paper describe as 烂赌夫 "ROTTEN" ... Many would say, why you can't stop?? It's easy what ?? It's just pure GREEDY and trying to get the easiest way out in life!! HE should have known better ...

 

Are we really "ROTTEN" that means "no hope" for people like us ?? Even when he's gone, he's is being labelled as 烂赌夫 "ROTTEN Gambler" ...

Dear Fellow Gamblers,

You are not alone. COME take our hand; WE are your friend, WE understand. WE've known your guilt, your shame, remorse; WE've borne the burden of your cross. WE have found a friend who offered ease; He suffered, too, with this disease. Although he had no magic cure, He showed me how we could endure. We talk together side by side; We spoke of things we had to hide. We told of sleepless nights and debts, Of broken homes and lies and threats. And so my weary gambler friend, Please take this hand that WE extend. Take one more chance on something new, Another gambler helping you.

I have thought about it for a long time and I believe I can offer more than just sharing in this blog ... So I decided to run my own recovery support group for people like me, who wanted help but yet still struggle to stay away from gambling and facing alot of "shit" when trying to meet life on life's term ....

I have limited capacity BUT if i could just reach out and saved another life, I may be able to save a entire family, like how mine was saved 48months ago. I wanted to share this HOPE with those still suffering out there in silence....

I am in the process and looking for a place to set up this recovery support group and look at long term on how to substain running the group. Meanwhile, I will just pray that there will not be any similar SAD ENDING of another gambler ......

GOD if you are willing, help me please......

Something to Share .....

Happy New Year. Wishing all my fellowship and those who happen to read this blog a Blessed, Healthy and Peaceful 2011.

My 1st post in 2011 ..... it's a beginning of a fresh new challenging year and I was hoping for a peaceful and good start to the new 2011.  YET, it's still the same story with many same similar "problems" and "shits" ..... my good buddy Mike, spoke to me, " bro, why everytime same old story and when are you able to clear all these shits ? "

This always sound fimilar during my destructive gambling days ... but now, when no more destructive gambling and face life on life's term, the same old question being thrown at me again ...

hahaha so after all, it's not abt gambling .... it's abt me and how I meet the terms of my life ..... 

But this morning, I met a wise old man who share this with me .... it got me into thinking and giving me a spiritual awakening too ... so I thought perhaps I could write this down to share with you all and perhaps to serve as a constant reminder to me ....

As I was sharing my old "broken record" and my life TV SOAPS with this wise person, he listen attentively, gave me his total attention and making feel important .... then when I came comletely to a stop, he smile and look at him and spoke ...

"Sir, a problem is something with a solution. Since you said there's no solution at this time to the problems that you have mentioned, then, therefore it can't be a problem. How much time have you wasted in your live worrying about things that, at the time, have no solution, so aren't a problem ?"

He continued sharing, with a warm gentle smile on his face, so compassionate making me feel so comfortable listening ...

"Even when it's a problem with solution, it will still require you to make a decision. If you have to make a decision, but you are unsure about the what the decision should be, then you should take a break nad wait. Every solution has it's own destination. If that destination suits you, then take that solution. If not, you wait. There's always another solution coming behind. A good one will always comes, as long as you have the patient to wait. And it usually arrives when you least expected it, and when you are not even thinking about it"

He paused for a while, still with a gentle smile on his face. I thought he maybe looking for my respond so I smile back and gave him a nod of my head, keeing silence and awaiting for him to cont'. He then cont' to share with me a story ....


"A good strong young man, a good swimmer was enjoying a swim in the sea near a beach (not knowing it was a dangerous beach bcos of it's fierce currents. Suddenly he was caught in a strong riptide that began to sweep him out to the sea. At first, he started and tried very hard to swi, against the current as he was drifting away from the shore ...... he struggled and fight , then he realised that the force of the current was too strong for him. He then relaxed, let go and went with the flow, letting the current carrying him. After a while, the current diminished and ONLY then di he start swimming back to the shore using every bit of his reserved energy, giving everything he got. He eventually got back to the shore, totally exhausted. BUT he was very certained that if he would continue to fight the current, he would been beaten and wouldn't have made it back."

"Just like your sea of life ..... when the "current" is stronger than you, that is the time to let go and go with the flow. When you are able to be effective and do something, that is the time to put effort and give your everything"

I ask him, "how do i know there's really nothing esle that I can do ? "

He replied, "If you done the best of your ability, if you have tired, you can't think of anything else, then there's nothing else you can do .... so don't do anything, and go enjoy a cup of tea" hahaha as he started laughing ...

"Sir, Life is like those long running TV SOAPS, which many doesn't have neat ending. Life is forever in the process of change and completion. Moreover, in life, we are often caught in situations, where we don't know where to go, what to do as both ways seem just as bad .....

But in every DIRE situations, there is always some honey dripping from somewhere. If you are wise, you will put out your tongue and enjoy some of that honey, instead of wasting time thinking of a solution when there is no solution.That's our life, so why waste the moments of honey even in the most desparate of troubles. The future is uncertain and we never can be sure what's coming next" ....

Wow ..... what enlightening conversation for me ..... is really a spiritual awakening .....

These words of wisdom meant alot to me, so I thought perhaps I can share these gifts of wisdom with all of you here and hopefully can be of help to the critical problems you faced in life.

Have a nice day ahead !!  

Merry Christmas Greetings & Thanks Giving

Dear All

Year 2010 has been a extremely challenging, exciting and terbulance year for me and my family. Alot of things to learn from this year, and to be fair to myself, I have learnt my lessons well. hehehe This year, I have run a good race.

And I believe, all of us, to each of our own ability has run a good race this year .... give yourself a pad on the back.



The most exciting part of this year is seeing the true colours of many people around me 形形色色.

真的是日久见人心. But I still believe that there's kindness inside each and everyone of us...人心是善的 !!

Plenty of things to be grateful for ... however this year, it's sad that I can't share with you in the room where we built our fellowship and friendship .... but still you are still on my gratitude list. However, there some special mentions ....

Recalling the incident back in May 2010 ..... I wouldn't have able to go thru it safely without you guys.......

Raymond, Cheah, Daniel, Joseph, Steven, Jason, Uncle Poh ...

Thank you very much for all the help during that very difficult period for me. I really appreciate it very much.

Mike, you are one of god's gift to me. Thanks for everything you have done for me, the help you have given me since we met. I enjoyed every moment of the time we spent together. Thanks for treating me like a real brother. I really treasure our brotherhood. Thanks Brother.

Johari, coming 4years since we met ... recalling your warm welcome in that special room , your warm smile, warm hug ... it has kept me going for the last 4 years. It has infected me, and I am glad that over the past 4 years, I am able to pass it on (the warm welcome) to every new comers that comes into my recovery support grp.... make them felt a sense of not-being-alone anymore .... Till today, I still enjoy every little meeting we had ... there's always so much to share to catch up ... Thanks buddy.

My children, Celena, Benjamin and Carys ... alot had happend between us this year. Regardless of the happenings, it is really a awakening journey for me. Celena, I have learnt alot from all the drama that happened to us this year and Dad still love you just as much. Benjamin, I am proud of your PSLE achievement simply bcos you have worked hard and done your best. Carys, you have never failed to brighten up my day!! Children, I believed that we are bounded even much closer after this year.

The most amazing person in my life all this while of none other than you, Winnie ..... my dearest wife. Simply put it in a sentence ... "I wouldn't have survived till today without your unconditioned love for me .... " thanks for still treating me as a little child, keeping check on me and giving me pocket money each day. This has kept me safe hahaha Love U.

王慧国居士, thanks for your guidance and the skills you have taught me during the holiday.... it's really a big milestone and breakthrough in my life.... 谢谢师父。

And of course without them I won't be here ....... and during my rock bottom, without their tough love for me, not bailing me out anymore, I have that chance of re-born and live my life again .... To my dearest Parent, thanks for not giving up on me and your tough love. Slowly but surely, I will make it right and make it there :)

Finally, everything started and also ending with GOD. A Big THANK YOU !!

我佛慈悲怜悯。。阿弥陀佛

Merry Christmas to All

May the year 2011 brings you lots of blessings, love and good health.

Though a new year, new challenges but one thing remains always the same for me ....

"I am still powerless over my addictions, and my life is still unmanageable." 

But slowly, steadily and surely, I am making progress.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

Thanks For The Concerns

Dear Fellowship and Friends,

I recieved quite a number of calls and concern emails on why I am not at the meeting and wondering whether something has happened to me or there's some issues at home ...

Some has even wonder that I have relasped and feeling too shameful or guilty to go back .... Hahaha

Thanks for all the concerns. I am doing well and fine. My family is well and fine. We are standing together, walking the journey together in recovery. Though there's some struggle and obstacles in the recent month where I was out of job, resting and awaiting for my students to resume their tuitions. But still, together as a unit, my family survive it well happily and better than the same period in previous years.

THIS IS WHAT I MEANT BY PROGRESS .... 

I walked out from Nams with my head held high up. There's no shame and guilt. If there's such feeling, it's definitely not coming from me.



Do doubt that my ego and pride was hurt by the insult, but I walked out to protect my own dignity and pride, to protect my own recovery. So don't worry, I am still standing tall. Btw, work has slowly resumed for me so income will slowly be stable again.

Once again, thanks for the concern. It's a choice that I have made.

Take care of yourself, your recovery and your family. God Bless

Losing Emotions ..... Don't Fall back into the Trap

I hate losing .... I dislike losing feeling ..... I dread the unlucky cycle !!!

It's very easy for a gambling addict to fall back into the gambling cycle again .... So during your recovery journey, it's important for you to work on your awareness, your emotions and your safety net against falling back into the trap.....

If you "Fall" ..... Quickly pick up yourself from the slippery slope, and prevent yourself from the free fall .... Don't sit there and cry, hit yourself and go into the mode of self-blaming and self destruction. Start climbing up the slope of recovery again!



When I admitted "I am a gambling addict", I understand that my brain function differently from normal people. The chemical in my brains are not balance anymore ..... Add on the the years of the false belief system, it's really a life-time battle. If I don't get it right this time, next time, doesn't mean I am a failure. As long as I have done my very best for that particular moment, to the best of my ability, it's ok.



In recovery, we seek progession and not prefection !!

So in order not to get trap back into it again, beware of the following emotions on the cycle of gambling

There is a well known pattern found in problem gambling. People with a gambling problem usually experience such emotions. The gambling cycle will continue until some significant commitment to due with these emotions .....

(1) Desire to Escape Emotional Crisis (self, at home or at work)
(2) Desire for Quick Money
(3) The Win  may be used to pay debts
(4) Start Chasing the Loss, feelings of panic and despair can drive a person to chase what has been lost.
(5) More Loss - Not accepting past losses. Believing that you are entitled to win more.

(6) Financial Crisis Again, being in further debt. Start borrowing.
(7) Greed

(8) Emotional Crisis

• Disappointment and dejection
• Great sense of remorse
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
• Broken promises to self and others
• Guilt and Shame.
• Damage to self-esteem creates a need for a coping strategy - escaping the crisis by gambling (relapse).

(9) Finally - Dread,the intense reluctance to face THE situation. IN DEEP DENIAL


So, take care of yourself, your emotion well-being..... seek help early by talking to another recovery person. Don't wait till you fall all the way down the slippery.

Many of us in recovery found emotional relief right from the moment we started sharing the "truth". We were tired of pretending that our addiction and our lives were under control; it actually felt good to finally admit they weren’t.



After sharing our inventory honestly, we began to feel like we didn’t have to deny who we were or what we felt in order to be accepted. When we’d finished making our amends, we knew we didn’t have to suffer with guilt; we could own up to it and it wouldn’t kill us. The more we worked our recovery program, the better we felt about living life as it came to us, even if we have a slip or relaspe. But we could prevent ourselves from going back to destructive gambling!!

By taking stock of our day, getting honest about our part in it, and surrendering to reality, we can survive the feelings life throws our way. By using the tools available to us, we’ve developed the ability to survive our emotions.



Remember, it's not the end of the world. We all being through this before. Try and Try again.

In recovery, it's one day at a time, easy does it, turn it over.

The Beginning Of My New Recovery Journey

To My Fellowship at NAMS,

My recovery journey with NAMS has finally come to an end. I am grateful for the recovery time I spent with NAMS over the past 4 years, especially with you guys. I have benefitted alot from the time I spent at NAMS and I really enjoy the fellowship we had together, the honest, open, emotional sharing, the pain, the tears and the laughter. However, the insult and humiliation I recieved this time is really a very bitter pill for me to swallow. Though, in the past, various organisation has done that to me before ...

" Need me, Nice to me, Use me ! Dn't need me, Political to Me, Reject me and Dump me aside"

But this time, when it came from the person, organisation I least expected, it's indeed very painful. Given that these people are "professional" at NAMS, they have all the right to judge me based on their professional assessment. So to be fair, it's time to move on, if I can't swallow that insult and humiliation.

Looking back 48months ago when I first joined the RSG, from a very small group, walking the journey with different batches of people seeking help, some came, some left after a while and of course the current stable group of fellowship that kept coming back and remains. I dare to say I am a big part of the RSG, I have hold the hands of many at their desparate stages and walked along with them in their early recovery. I spent time with them, sharing with them my strength and experiences, helping them with issues, life's challenging issues like

• loansharks harassessment
• police investigations
• debts repayment
• migitation for court hearing
• speaking to their loved ones
• time in imprisionment
• re-employment 

..... But most importantly, help them to keep coming back to the RSG room, and together we share how we could use our strength and experiences to face and cope with life on life's issue.

Since May 2008, I have always volunteer my services, doing outreach program, sharing my story and strength with many gambling addicts. I am doing these for my own recovery, because by sharing with others, I am actually helping myself. The theraputic relationship/value of one addict helping another is without parallel. I, myself, in the early recovery have met such recovery people who help me, hold my hand and walked with me. These are God's gifts for me in my recovery and I wanted to pass them on to the next addict that wants help.

All these while, I have never expect any gratitude or appreciation from those that I have helped as this is my recovery, and I am willing to help.

In recent times, I have shared honestly in every meeting about my struggles and times that return back to small bets to cope with my life issues, especially those days which there's no job, no income, no saving. It's always on the back on my mind, quick fix soultion for me, choosing the next game to win a few quick bucks.

I am a gambling addict. The urges to use gambling, esp my favourite soccer betting as a quick fix solution is always on my mind. I always share that openly and there's nothing to hide. I share with my wife too. I have to do that. Honesty in Recovery is utmost important. Even till today, I don't hold on to money. I only take pocket money from her. So it was never destructive and I would never return to destructive gambling because I treasure what I have today.

SO Why I left ? What's the insult so big and bitter that I can't swallow since what I share was honest and I have learn to be humble to listen and accept what others have to say ....

From the start, I have never ask for any recognition, I have never asked to put my name down as a official NAMS volunteer when they formed up this official "NAMS Volunteer" group which needs to be interview by a panel of "professional" at NAMS. The closest person in NAMS working with me, ask me whether I am keen to join because they shortlisted me. I told him I understand the red-tape and white-tape in the management and perhaps they do mind about my sharing and about my past and current situation. He said no problem and let the interview panel decide.

OKAY, I replied. Weeks passed and there was no news and update. I told myself, Fine, no problem and I will carry on doing what I always been doing ...... till one day, this person called me and told me the management had a meeting, and he and some other professional assess that because of my current situation, they advise me that I am not suitable to join their volunteer group! They did this without even giving me a interview like they did to other volunteer ....

What bullshit ..... I told myself ... Of all people, coming from where I least expected where he knows how much work I have put into my recovery and also in reaching out to other addicts, the number of people that has benefitted from my outreach and sharing. And the fact that we went stage together to give a talk to a organisation in MCYS .... the interviews I was requested to do in the past, the article I was told to contribute to their books, the calls I received from them to talk to some of the new comers etc ....Unbelievable!!!

It's a great insult and humiliation to me .... I was overwhelmed with emotions and very disappointed .... Angry... I was hurt ... My ego and pride was very hurt .... "I am not suitable" to be their volunteer or perhaps I do not meet their requirement!

Indeed it's a bitter pill to swallow.... But I have to swallow and learn to swallow. They are the Professionals in Addiction and Recovery and I am just a Gambling addict. They have all the right to assess me and judge me. They are Professionals from NAMS.

Nothing to hide.... to them, I am not Clean ... Perhaps My honest sharing poses danger to the new comers....

To them, I am not good enough. But does this means I find a reason to go back to destructive gambling? Of course not Silly!! It will motivate me even more. It will allow me to spend more time and energy in my own family members and my own future development =)

I may not be good enough for NAMS volunteer group, for the RSG they are running. But let me share with you this ... Today, after 48 months in my recovery journey, I am proud of my own recovery and I will con't my recovery journey.

I don't need to answer to anyone or compare my recovery with anyone. It's my recovery and I own it. Today...

I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR MYSELF !!

I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY WIFE !!

I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY CHILDREN !!

I AM GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY PARENT NOT TO WORRY ABOUT ME !!

AND

I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO SHARE MY STRENGTH AND MY EXPERIENCES WITH MANY GAMBLING ADDICTS STILL SUFFERING OUT THERE BECAUSE I REACH OUT TO THEM WITH A SINCERE HEART !!

People, places and things changes in Recovery.... Perhaps God has open a new door for me some where. It's time to move on liao.

Thank you all for the good time in our fellowship which I treasure it very much. Will continue to keep in touch with all of you and we could meet up for kopi and makan to have a chat. In recovery, it only takes 2 person to have a recovery meeting.  

Keep yourself safe, one day at a time, easy does it and turn it over.

Take care and God Bless