In Trouble Times ........

Dear fellow recovery friends

There are many trouble times in our recovery journey .... but do remember this

"In times of adversity, stay calm, deep breath, and don't rush things. Use our limited resources carefully, if not it will turn our situation even worst." 

At the end of the day, our family will suffer the most ...

Don't make the rush things. What will happen will happen one day.

Keep going ...

It is never easy.....

Trust me.....

All things seems going well in the family, then one day .....

One similar situation, like one in the past, happened.....

I thought perhaps after seven years in recovery and making so much changes, they wld now trust me and have faith in me that I will not go back to my old ways.....

BUT I WAS WRONG......

THE SAME DOUBT.....
THE SAME NO FAITH....
THE SAME LACK OF TRUST....

I was upset initially...... Thinking why still no faith and trust in me..... Started to get angry..

Then I just kept quiet .... And walk away...

It took me a while .... One whole night in fact ... To change the negative to positive...

AT least ... THEY ARE STILL BY MY SIDE ... AND WALKING THE JOURNEY WITH ME...

THEY DIDN'T ABANDON ME....

so.....

Wake up... Maintain my silence....

But give them a hug....

And start our day all over again.

THe pain.....
Can be forgiven...
But won't be forgotten....

Keep going BENNIE.

Things Ain't Going My Way ...

If things ain't not going my way or according to plan .... 

There need to be changes .... 

And There is ONLY one thing that need to be changed .....

That's ME !!!



and If I have made the extra effort to change .... and still changing and yet things still ain't going smoothly and not in place yet ...

Then 

KEEP THE FAITH !!! That's all we can do ..

But I have to admit that ..... CHANGE IS NEVER EASY ..... 

WHY ??

So take it Easy in Recovery .....

One Step @ a Time, One Change @ a Time, & One Day @ a Time !!

World’s "2nd Biggest" Gambling Nations in 2013 ????

From my last blog back in July 2011 ..

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CNBC REPORT

Geraldine Tan, On Wednesday 6 July 2011, 14:33 SGT

Mention gambling and glitzy images of Las Vegas come to mind. But you'll be surprised to know Americans are not the world's biggest gamblers. In fact, the world's biggest gambling nations include plenty of unlikely candidates.- - - 

1. Australia with Gaming Losses Per Adult: $1,288

The rankings are based on data from H2 Gambling Capital , a consultancy based in London. They take into account average gaming losses (the amount bet and never recovered) in a year divided by the adult population in over 200 countries. The numbers include money lost on all types of betting including horse racing, poker machines, lotteries and casinos during 2010.

BUT THE MOST SURPRISING RESULT WAS ...... 2nd on top of the table .... my own nation, which is just a little 'RED DOT' on the world's map ?????

So in terms of size and population, 
ISN't SINGAPORE THE BIGGEST GAMBLING NATION !!!!!

2. Singapore

Gaming Losses Per Adult: $1,174

Singapore opened its first casino a little over a year ago but it’s already the world’s third largest-gaming center after Macau and Las Vegas and it’s set to overtake Vegas this year.

The decision to allow casinos to be built in the city-state has created plenty of worries that Singaporeans may end up getting hooked to gambling. The government has tried to discourage local gamblers by imposing an entry fee of S$100 ($80.50) for citizens who want to enter a casino.

Authorities have also implemented a "Family Exclusion Order," that allows a family to ban relatives from visiting casinos.

But the measures have done little to dampen enthusiasm for gambling. Frank Fahrenkopf, president of the American Gaming Association, has forecast that Singapore's gaming revenue could hit $6.4 billion in 2011, outpacing Las Vegas, which earned $5.8 billion in 2010

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So 2 years down the road, with all the measures put in place by our Singapore Government, all the money pump in to educating the general public about Problem Gambling, set up clinics/centres to help problem gamblers, the daily airing of the Problem Gambling ads on Prime Time TV ....  

and the results ...

SINGAPORE IS STILL THE 2nd BIGGEST GAMBLING NATION !!! with slight increased of the Gaming Losses Per Adult from an amt of $1,174 to $1,189.


Any surprise ???

Consider the following legalised betting in Singapore on a daily basis within our neighbourhood .....

• TOTO - MON, THUR
• 4D - WED, SAT, SUN
• HORSE RACING - WED, FRI, SAT, SUN
• FOOTBALL BETTING - EVERYDAY ......
• CASINO - EVERYDAY(24/7) .....

AND NOW the easy access AND attractive "LOAN" company offer easy loan, cash on the spot .......

Now do a study of the  the social problems on the rise !!! 
Broken family, recent suicide rate ...... and those related to debts and gambling ....

what abt the number of people in bad debts and those on DPS and Bankruptcy Order ....

ARE THESE FIGURES ALARMING ??

Is OUR GOVT CONCERN ??

Is Our Country Heading towards 
"Self-Destructions" ???

Anger is Never a Good Response

When I walk to recovery back in end 2006 ...... I was angry..
Very angry... With people , places and things.

As I travel in this recovery journey, still I am angry.....

Why people , places and things still treated me like this even I have stop gambling....

A wise teacher , then ask me "have you change ??"

I responded strongly....
" I have stopped my compulsive gambling.... I have started working... I bring back money now..  I take care of things at home..... !! Are they blind to all these ...."

The wise teacher just smile at me and walk away......


Then I realised...... I am still the same old me............ full of anger and frustration....
and just one angry response...

It can just simply destroy everything that I have built in recovery....

Rainbow of Hope

The road of recovery is always under construction ...

And Many Stormy Weather Too...


“There's always another storm. It's the way the world works. Snowstorms, rainstorms, windstorms, sandstorms, and firestorms. Some are fierce and others are small. In recovery, I have to deal with each one separately, and taking it One day @ a Time and not worry for the next storm.” 

Sometimes in life, you just have to bow your head, say a prayer, keep the faith and weather the storm .....

"After every storm the sun will smile; for every Problem there is a Solution."

Keep Believing in the Rainbow of HOPE .....

So what if You are CLEAN after 23 years .....

Hi ....

This is my first post in year 2014 ...... Have not been wanting to write for a long time till I saw post on the news couple of  days ago ...

Actually i didn't think much about as this ...  But when I understand he was a drug addict and was clean for 23 years , still attending meetings .... I was then taken aback .....

Many recovering communities (A.A, N.A) around the world was talking about it .... and many was frighten by the fact that after being clean for 23 years ..... HE WAS ON IT AGAIN ...

ONE OF THE HEADLINE of the TODAY 's paper in Singapore read

"Actor Mr.Hoffman's death frightens others recovering from addiction"

Part of the article states ...

"Mr.Hoffman ws as clean for 23years... Attended meetings ... He seemed to be an ideal role model when he was sober.......after bring clean for 23 years....he died from an apparent overdose of heroin...."

The cruel fact about this = = is that it apply to kinds of addictions..... Not only just the alcoholic and drug addicts..
Gambling addicts like us too...

The kind of temptations that we faced daily in our lives today is unbelievable ...

so is it a good excuse or is it just normal that "relapses" happens  ??

At certain stage of my recovering ard 3years ago.... I did ask myself such a question too...
What do i have to do to avoid such a situation .....

Many after clean for many many years ... relapsed and never get back up...
Some ended their life .... due to many reasons such as stress, guilt, shame, overwhelming debts, pressure from the family and society ... 

PERHAPS you have heard alot from the professionals, the experts .... and in the meeting room..

here's something from someone ... that's me who have been struggling with my new life since started recovery 7 years ago..

I WAS REALLY STRUGGLING THEN  ...... One respectable master told me ..
"Bennie, you need only to change one thing ... THAT's YOU !!"

Keep things simple ..... keep your life simple 

HOW ???

Begin by taking the first step..... and the first step for me to change is NOT to be angry.

many of you like me .... can't be happy after we stop using or gambling ..... so in order to start to feel happy again .... begin by not being angry with people places and things ...

The more anger that I kept inside .... The  more likely I wld want to go back to my addiction again ...

Taking the first step is never easy ... 

We can never change the people around us ... no matter how many clean years we have or how long we have stop using...... The amount of hurt, pain and harm we have caused them, will not go away just becos I HAVE STOP USING OR I HAVE STOP GAMBLING ..... 

Then how can I manage my expectation better during my recovery .... this is critical as it defines how I will react during those very emotional times...

KEEP THESE 2 IN MY MIND ALWAYS .... 

 \

And Im being told to remember the law of KARMA ... I cannot change the past ... but I can make a difference to my future with my actions now .

What if I fall and slip again ........ GET UP instead of crying and sulking ..... don't let it become destructive .... stop the fire before it starts burning wildly...


Recovery 
.... is not about how many fights i win ....
.... is not about how many people i have proven .... is not about how long I have clean ...

IT IS ABOUT PICKING MYSELF UP AGAIN EACH TIME I FAILED ...

Dear All ..

TO ALL RECOVERING ADDICTS LIKE ME....



IF YOU FALL..GET BACK UP ON YOUR FEET..GET BACK TO MEETING..GET HELP AGAIN...
IT'S OK.

If something just didn't go your way ... people, job, things,  .... 
don't give up .... keep the faith and keep trying why ....

RECOVERING IS A JOURNEY....


WE SEEK PROGRESS...

NOT PERFECTION...

THERE CAN BE NEVER BE PERFECTION

But Bennie, what if life keep giving you SHIT !!!! I won't be able to take it all the time ....

This is exactly my reflection for year 2013 ... FULL of shit in my life .....

Hope you guys enjoying reading this ..... and My prospective of RECOVERY ...

IT IS NOT ABT STOP USING OR GAMBLING ....

IT IS ABOUT 
CHANGING MYSELF, 
KEEPING IT SIMPLE

AND DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFE's TERM ......

IN SUCH A MANNER .... ANY SLIP, FALL, FAILURE, RELAPSE .... 
WON'T BE FATAL AND WILL GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE IN LIFE .....

NOTHING IS FOR SURE  ........ Keep the faith !!!