Money Management In Recovery

For a Compulsive Gambler like me, Money is the source of all evil ...... Till today, after 46months in recovery, I still couldn't handle money and I am grateful that my wife is managing it well for me and giving me pocket money on a daily basis.

Sound wired ?? I am a grown up adult, head of family, father of 3 !! Why can't I handle money ? I tried. But always ending up placing bets with the little extra money I had. It's proven. When I lost this extra money, I felt so guilty and wanted to chase the next bet again and the cycle will always continue.

SO I CAN'T !!! Because I am a Gambling Addict. I need to keep myself safe and my family safe.

So how do I manage my money ?? Here are some suggestions which was what I did in recovery which you could consider too.

1. Take responsibility for my financial situation.

- - Contact a credit counselling service, a bankruptcy trustee, and/or make a "proposal to the creditors" and pledge to repay a portion of your outstanding debt. This will not only help with your finances, it will help re-build your self-esteem. But plan repayment with realistic expectation and consideration must be putting the family needs on the top of priority. Always Feed family first.

- - Loanshark / bookie repayments ?? please think. You have the answer.

- - Too overwhelming debts like mine, $680k, legal and illegal, there's no way I could offer any form of repayment since I was discharged from my previous employment. Bankrupt is the only option for me.

- - Keep a financial inventory of your daily expenses.

2. Don’t try gambling again as a way to solve your financial troubles.

- - Get sober up and sane first, then find a job if unemployed. Start to earn proper money and feed your family with proper money. Re-adjust, Live simple and within means. Gambling is always my quick fix solution. Whenever, I have financial troubles, my mind is always to pick the next right game.

- - Don't think of gambling to pay the next bill. I have fallen to this trap many times. It's a lame excuse to go back gambling again.

3. Get a part-time job if necessary.

- - This will occupy your free-time and help keep you from looking for a ‘quick fix’. It may be tough, but in the long run will help with your financial situation and make you feel better.

- - For me, when I have no tuition assignments during the school holiday, I will go get a part-time job to keep me occupied and earn some money for home. If not, I will be looking and searching for the next sure win bet. My mind has already started wondering away especially now it's ending of school term.

4. Put someone else you trust in charge of your money 

- - Let your next  significant person in your life to handle your $, your ATM or credit cards, at least for a period of time, or destroy them completely. Take daily pocket money.

5. Protect your assets by transferring their titles to your spouse or partner’s name.

6. Limit the amount of cash you have access to by:

- - Having wages automatically deposited into your bank account. Transfer to your spouse

- - Destroying ATM cards or personal cheque-books

- - Setting up bank accounts that require two signatures for withdrawals, rather than just your own

- - Setting up daily cash withdrawal limits

- - Paying bills electronically, not in cash

7. Seek professional help for your problem gambling ....

Hope you find these suggestions useful and helpful. Give it a try. Take it one day at a time. Let go of your ego .... it's much easier ....

Living in the Present

The present moment is all that I have. Everyday is a bonus as life is not in my hand. I don't know when the time is up for me, neither do I know what will happen the next day when I wake up. No matter what happen in the past, what happen now, what may happen in the future, the sun will still rise in the east and will still set in the west. Earth will still rotates around it's orbit, life will still carry on.

I can't change my past, I am afraid of the uncertainty in the future. I only have the "present" moment. 

Everyday in recovery, I will tell myself "Let's move on".

I may have let go of the pain, shame and guilt caused by my destructive gambling .... it take time to heal ....

I may have plans and goals ... but I am afraid of my plans and goals .... 

I may have a vision for tomorrow ... but the vision is not that clear ....

But NOW is the only time I possess. And I have to constantly tell myself it's enough for this moment. On a daily basis, I try to clear my mind of the residue of yesterday, clear my mind of the fear of tomorrow. I will make myself available to this present moment, just as I share with you my emo on this blog at this present moment. After which I will focus in spending time with my son, preparing for his psle science paper tomorrow.  

My mind was clouded with thoughts earlier and for the past weeks. I was in the addictive mode again. I was doing the chasing again .... all because I was afraid, fearful for what is coming in Nov and Dec which I have to rest, and start regret the past yet again... 

"HAVE NO FEAR, CHILD" ... a gentle voice whispers. Have no regrets. Let go the resentments. Trust the present moment as it has it's purpose. It is by being fully present now that I will reach the fullest of tomorrow. All I have is the present moment. I have to learn to TRUST ..... but at times I wonder ... trust what, trust who ?

But I have have is NOW .... And I have to tell myself it is enough. I will affirm that all is well around me when all is well within in. No matter what problems I faced, they are part of life, so are solutions!! Everyone have problems to work through.

In recovery, I learn to face, focus and solve only today's problem. I won't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problem.

"Is it Worth A Bet ? " - Community Gambling Prevention Conference

Yesterday from 9am to 1 pm, there was a community project on gambling prevention- "Is It Worth A Bet ?"  held here in Singapore. A wide range of topics were discussed during this conference. I managed to extract some of the newspaper cutting from the Chinese Paper ( Zaobao ) and share with you here in my blog together with my own thoughts and view. 

Recent headline of the Free Shuttle Service to IR was also discuss in the Conference. During the weekend, the reports noted that there weren't any reduction in the crowd at the IR, and punters still swarming to the Casinos. 

So where are we heading now ?

Have the authority thought of the losses incurred by the bus operators, and also the job of the over 30 bus drivers are at stake here !!!

What about their families ? If the bus service is the issue of creating more gamblers in Singapore, why not cancel all other bus services to the IR !!

At times I really do wonder whether the decision made by those in power, made any sense ?? Or are they just acting for the sake of reacting and make sure being seen in doing something good for the community.

 

During this community conference, many professionals still think that by visiting the Casinos, many would become a problem gamblers and eventually a gambling addict. Then they would start to cause many social problems. The newspaper cutting below reported that these professionals thinks that by stopping the Free Bus services, we can protect those who has very weak self control or self-will, and stop them from going to the Casino  ......

 

 

 

I thought to myself, do these people understand about gambling addiction, or perhaps do they even understand the gambling problems in Singapore or the Gambling culture in Singapore .....

 

So, is everyone saying that weren't many problem gamblers, social problems caused by gambling in Singapore even before the IR were built ??? Touch your heart, Think Again .... Is it true ???

 

 

 

During one of the professional sharing, Dr Guo Song from NAMS, IMH, shared with the public that research has shown that only 1% of the gamblers would eventually become gambling addicts, meaning only 1 in every 100 gamblers is a gambling addict.

 

So if that's the proven study in the field of addiction and we in Singapore love "figures"so much, why cancel the Free Bus Service for the General Public just because of these 1 % ??

 

IR has also given the figures that more than 60% of those taking the Bus Services don't go to the Casinos..... Why not a proper study and on ground survey being done properly before such hasty decision. RWS shares with the reporters that on a daily basis, only 5%of the gamblers came by the Free Bus Service.

 
Why are we targetting at the IRs and not other gambling activities and social problems caused by problem gambling even before the IRs were built ?
 

Dr Guo also shared with about 200 members of the public that studies has shown that the gambling addicts will directly and indirectly affect the lives of 10-17 people around him, family, relatives. friends, colleagues etc. He will affect their finanical health and emotional health with lies and borrowing.
 
These 10-17 people will go through stages of denial, stress and breakdown.
 
Dr Guo shared that the best way to protect themselves is to use tough love. Do not enable the gambling addicts by bailing them out and allowing them extra money to chase their losses.
 
Cut the fuel and oxygen and fire won't burn. Gambling addict will manipulate, lies, pretend to gain sympathy, swearing each time they won't gamble again. Some even threaten suicide in order to seek bailout. (See article on the right)
 
 
 
 
 

I don't represent any organisation nor am I anti-govt. I am just speaking from the point of a recovering gambling addict and wanted to do something for recovery community here in Singapore. I don't only critisice. I share my strength, experience in recovery to create awareness, so that there will eventually be acceptance for people like me.

We are not bad and evil people. We are just sick people trying to get well. We need proper help, medical help, community assistance, family acceptance. 

Every gambling addict has his/her own prefereed choice of game. Casino is just one of them. Why waste so much energy and money in this area where many are suffering becasue of other gambling activities such as the slot machines, internet gambling, soccer betting, horse racing, 4d betting etc ?

Why do we kept barking at the IR who has contributed so much to our economy recovery by paying so much taxes ? I really do pity them. They are doing just running proper business like other club houses in Singapore who offer slot machines for their members and general public. What about the 300 over Singapore Pools outlets in every of our estate? What about those illegal bookies which are operating so huge in Singapore, offering internet betting to their customers ?

If you want really help us, help the problem gamblers, help those in danger of crossing the line, please engage us, hear from us. The therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel.

Thanks for allowing me to share. Once again, my name is Bennie, and I am a gambling addict.

Probe on Free Bus Services to IR

The Casino Regulatory Authority (CRA) in Singapore has issued directives to the two Integrated Resorts (IRs) on 11 Sept 2010 to stop their free shuttle bus services with immediate effect. The CRA directed both IRs to ‘cease all their shuttle bus services with immediate effect’, apart from certain destinations spelt out in the law regulating casino advertising such as the airport and hotels.

 

Resorts World Sentosa (RWS) had initially announced on its website that it will cease its bus services plying housing estates on Sunday night. However, RWS stopped its free shuttle services yesterday afternoon after receiving the directive from the CRA.

The outcome of the free shuttle bus services provided by the IRs came to light on Wednesday, after the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) said it is seen as promoting gambling among heartlanders.

So what do we view as promoting gambling ?? Why built Casino at the first place ??

What about the following ? (ON A DAILY BASIS)

1) TOTO draw - Every Monday and Thursday

2) 4D Draw - Every Wednesday, Saturday, Sunday

3) HORSE Racing - Every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday

4) 4 Major leagues in Europe - Every Weekends Football matches

5) S-League, A-League, J-League, K-league - Every other days

6) UEFA Champion league and Europa League - Every Tue, Wed, Thur (alternate weeks)

7) Motor Racing - Weekend Races 

Not to mention, the close proximity of the Singapore Pools And Singapore Turf Clubs betting outlets in Singapore. The Singapore Pools branches and authorised retailers (over 300) are located conveniently across the island and are open 7 days a week throughout the year. Now some even with extended timing till 10pm during weekends to allow punters to place their bets. Some kiosks even have machines (computers) to allow punters to do research on teams and matches with very good compiled statistics

What about the live betting outlets which allows bets to be placed on events while in play. Customers can place live bets through PoolzConnect (phone) or at our sports entertainment venues:

1) Livewire (Resorts World Sentosa)
2) SportsBuzz (PoMo)
3) SportsBuzz (Kranji)

 
Latest news

a) NEW Outlet  at Great World City Branch which open 0am to 9pm daily.

b) IMM Branch--upgraded at #02-25 to serve punters better. Open Mon - Thu, 8am to 8pm;  Fri - Sun, 8am to 9pm.

Why at happening at "family" malls ??

So many new attractions for gamblers in Singapore, and Casinos are just the ice-ing on the cake. Where do Casino Players go when the IR won't here in Singapore ?? Where do all these so call uncles and aunties go ? .... look at the picture below

Not to mention the short trip up the Genting .....

So are we doing this ......


And what can we really do to address the real root of the gambling problems in Singapore ??

And do we know what is the real root of the problem in problem gambling ??

Is it the problem gamblers or the gambling activities ??

Can we look into a holistic system and approach to help gambling addict, problem gamblers and those who are about to cross the line .....

Is the "hot-line"approach all that the brilliant people can offer ??

In recovery of addiction, it works only if we (addicts) work it. So how to attracts the addict to come out and seek help and work it ?

Penny for your thoughts ......

A Gambler in Denial

Recently a recovery friend sent me this piece of news on the internet, story by Yahoo! Singapore on 28 Aug 2010 ...

I read with interest over and over again. Let me share with you the story here and share with you the similar thoughts, denial and belief system which are similar to mine during my destructive gambling days.

The first thing which impressed me was, at the age of 28 he has S$100,000 in saving, which he claimed he lost within minutes ... hehehe anyway I like this story. 

Here you go

Singapore News

Man bets S$100,000 life savings online — and loses

By Ion Danker – August 28th, 2010

Just a few minutes of madness caused Gabriel Lim, 28, to lose S$100,000 – his entire life savings – on an online gaming website. What possessed him to take such a risk?

Currently unemployed, the former store supervisor first got hooked to online baccarat last November after friends introduced him to the game.

<< A store supervisor with $100,000 life saving at age of 28 !! Impressive bro >>

The lure of ”easy money” induced Lim to set up an account with the online gaming website. Initially, Lim started with small S$5 bets but blessed with ”beginner’s luck”, his winnings soon came up to an average of S$2,000 a day in the first few months.

“I was playing it almost three hours each day at home and sometimes in the office too,” he told Yahoo! Singapore.

“I remember winning S$15,000 within a day, it really felt good,” said the diploma holder, who quit his job to focus full-time on his new passion.

The adrenaline “rush” from winning big caused Lim to make bigger and bigger bets, all in the hope of making a huge windfall. Then came the crash in March earlier this year — in just a matter of minutes.

<< My cycle of destructive gambling ... Winning - Chase, Losing - Also Chase, Keep Losing - Must Chase, Desparate time - Die Die Must Chase, Win back some - Best time to chase !! Got Gamble got hope. I won big before. I have runs of winning steaks. This losing phase won't last forever one. >> 

Revealing how he lost $100,000 in the blink of an eye, he said, “The simple rule [in online gambling] is to use the ‘doubling up’ method, where you double your bet amount each time you lose. But remember, once you lose ten games in a row, log off and accept defeat,” Lim said.

“But I lost discipline and control and went against the ‘rule’. I continued with the 11th game thinking I would be able to win back my losses but lost everything instead.”

<<  After losing that $100k, he still think that he lost because he is not discipline and not enough self control. He still believe that he has a system that can works and it worked before because he has won big before. And even came out with his own rules and theory for on-line betting !!! Something wrong with his brain ?? Of course not. I was just like him. This is the mind of an gambling addict >>

“I was stunned for a few minutes and when I realised all my money was gone, the only thing I wanted to do was smash things up to vent my anger and frustration,” he said.

Afraid his parents would find out, he turned to his elder brother after seeing his personal savings wiped out.

“[My brother] lost S$50,000 at the casino so he understands what I am going through,” Lim said.

So how is he dealing with the loss?

Lim nonchalantly said no one is to blame except himself. When Yahoo! Singapore spoke to him, the single man didn’t appear too affected by losing such a huge sum of money.

He even remains adamant that he is not a compulsive gambler. He says he is now looking for a new job so he can start saving from scratch in order to build up another pool of capital.

 

“I will continue to gamble once I save enough cash and I believe this time round, I will follow the rules and win back my money,” he said confidently.

“I don’t consider myself a compulsive gambler because to me, it’s more of a tactical thing where I strategise to win money. The key is discipline.”

(( The story ends here ....... ))

Why should I stop ?

I am just out of luck and out of bullets at the moment.

I win before and I have a system that works.

I will rest for now, fine tune my system and once I gather my bullets, I will try win back everything. I will follow strictly the rules I set for myself.

hahaha this tune is constantly playing in my mind even after 45 months in recovery. This music kept playing over and over again during my years of destructive gambling, especially after each bailout of my debts.

Recalling, one desparate Sunday night in 2006, when I was left with $500 bucks in my on-line betting account, I need to make a repayment of more that $40k worth of debts on the next day...... I kneel down infront of my Higher Power, get joss sticks burnt my own hands and swear infront of my higher power, if you help me overturn my losses tonight, I will never gamble again !!

Then I started tossing 2 coins to get HIS indication for the 5 spanish games I selected and of course I won !! Won big in the parley bet. $64K in all. But did I stop ...... Need to guess ??

Insanity right !! That's a Gambler in Denial ....

Hope you like the story.

Social Problems caused by the Loansharks OR the Problem Gamblers ?

I came across this piece of article in the Chinese New Paper on Sunday. I read with interest and concerns.

Have we gotton our direction wrong ?
Have we gotton our focus wrong ?

What's the root of the problem ? Is it really Mr. Shark?

Please don't get me wrong. I am definitely not pro Mr. Shark and not a supportor of Mr. Shark. I condemn their acts and digusted with their cowardly actions of harassement in the dark.

But my concerns and questions are

1) Did Mr. Shark forces anyone to take loans from them ?

2) Did Mr. Shark beg the borrower to take the loan ? Please, tolon lah ... take the money ??

3) Didn't Mr. Shark explains clearly the crazy interest one has to repay weekly or monthly on top of the principle amount ?

4) Didn't Mr. Shark warns the borrower the consequences of not repaying ?

So why the borrower, knowing all the above yet still wana borrow leh ??
And once they realised that they can't make repayment , they cried foul play ?? Cry uncle, Cry auntie !!

Then what these borrower do ?
- - Try all means to repay ... quickest way is to gamble and hope for the best

- - Those want easy way out would Just pass on their problems to their family members, to the society and to the authority.

- - Those struggling with shame and guilt may Just jump and end their life ... but unknowingly they would still pass on their problems to their family members now with added "PAIN"


So where's the root of the problem ? Mr Shark or The Borrower ??
Why the increase of Sharks swimming in our neighbour ?

Simple logical explanation = got demand got supply ... doesn't take a business genius to give the answer!!

Over the years, some very entrepreneur Sharks even set up company and became "Legal Money Lender" by getting a proper licence from the authority. They openly placed advertisements on the papers.

So there a loop hole somewhere ? There's probably an answer somewhere out there.

I worry about this so call "freedom of speech" so I am not going to get myself into trouble by criticising ... This issue has been greatly debated in the parliment, in the papers etc ..

But does it changes the price of pork ? Or shall I say changes the price of "Shark" ?? hahaha

I rather that what i wrote in my blog will create some form of awareness and able to reach out to the problem gamblers suffering out there, especially their family members. Hope my article will ring some bell and wake them up from insanity and seek help early before all is lost ... tragic happens.

What does this hot line for the Anti-Loanshark campaign encourages ?

Without doubts calls will pour in ... More will be arrested by our effective authority. The growth of Sharks swimming in our community maybe contained. But they will not be extinct as they will continue to reproduce because there's still food for them to feed on.

So the Million Dollar Question is - - Will this stop the growth of borrower ??

And my next question is how many percent of them are Problem Gamblers ?
- - Do you need even to make that guess ??  Who would be so desparate to wana borrow from the sharks knowing the huge interests and the consequences of non-repayment ?

My concern is and I have known couple of cases that some borrower take the money and not even making one repayment, report the Sharks to the police.... funny right !! Take the money then try to kill the Sharks.

So would this campaign provide a easy way out from Problem Gamblers ? Take the money first, try my luck again ... If I win, I repay back so next time can borrow again. If I lose, report police and call the Ant-Shark hot-line....

Then, what's the repercussion ? Shark's will still con't to swim around and look for their prey and they would get even more aggressive !!!

Should we then re-adjust our focus and working on the real root of the problems existing in our community?

I remember during one of my sharing with the Minister of MCYS at a NCPG dinner back in year 2008, the Minister, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan ask me, in my opinion

1) Why aren't the problems gamblers coming out to seek help ?

2) What would attracts the problem gamblers to come out and seek help ?

I remembered I spoke briefly about the following

1) Why gamblers doesn't want help
2) Gamblers in denial
3) Easy access of money and to bookie to fight back (includes loansharks problem)
4) Enablers in family
5) Non-acceptance of gambling addiction as a illness in our community. It's still view as moral weakness
6) Holistic approach to help attracts problem gamblers into recovery

Over the past two years, I have tried to share these experiences as a gambling addict with many different people, agencies and parties ..... And I am still trying.

I have reached out to many recovery people and in some cases, with there's cases who were charged on Cheating and Criminal Breach of Trust. In cases, where they were not caught, they surrender themselves after seeking proper treatment, BUT during the sentence, the judge still said, gambling addiction is not a migating factor. In one of the case, the judge didn't even mentioned anything about this willingness to come out and seek treatment for the root cause of all the problems in his life. And for a very small amount of money, which he has made full repayment, he was still sentenced to imprisionment for 3 months.

BUT what stuck me was 2 days ago, when a serious rape case committed by 5 teenages was changed to a serious molest charge and they are all let off with light sentence ?? God, what is wrong ?

It was quoted in the papers that one of the reason was because they were young and deserved a chance.... ? It's a serious crime and it destroyed the life of the poor young victim. If they deserved that chance, what about addicts who were willinging to surrender themselves and seek help ? 

Insanity perhaps ...

It take loads of courage for an addict to be honest, surrender and seek proper help especially being insane for such a long period of time, stuck in the addiction cycle. At any stages of one's life, this act is extremely painful for an addict. He is sick all these while and doesn't know how to deal with his life anymore. But he decided to get help. Imagine how difficult it is going to be if there's no acceptance from the family and from the society .... Just like any cancer patient, if there's no acceptance, support, love and care, would they still wants to carry on living ?? At one stage, I wanted to end it too.

I am not trying to gain any pity or sympathy here.

We, as addict, don't need sympathy.

We need a chance. A chance for us to be responsible for what we have done, for us to be responsible for our recovery. A chance for us to live again. BUT it will take time.

For a start, we need acceptance, a hope.

I am grateful I am alive today and able to share this with many who read my blog. I hope someone, somewhere, who has the power, would read this and able to readjust our focus, our energy and our budget in dealing with the real roots of the problems in the society. Maybe that person is only God.

Real Time Story of a Recovering Friend

Recieved yet another depressing sms for another friend

"Thanks for the support everyone but sorry I'm giving up. Bye"

I replied him sharing some of my strength in recovery and also a real time story to encouragement so that he could quickly regain his sanity ...


~ Recently, a good buddy of mine in recovery was diagnosed to have a rare blood disorder and it is a terminal illness which the doctor can't gave me his remaining "time-line. Just when he started his new life in recovery, doing ok, picking himself up .... then suddenly he lost his love one, then followed by this illness. Why God so cruel? I asked. He then shared with me "Bro, we can't beat the clock ... we can't beat God, and similarly, we can't beat the bookie, the bookmakers, the bankers, the casinos, the jp machines.
BUT I am not going down without a fight. I am going to give a good fight by living my remaining days, one day at a time to my fullest and treasuring my family and love ones around me" ~


I then told my this depressing friend: "Bro, we still have a 2nd chance, but this friend of mine doesn't have that chance anymore". He then replied me

"But understand so much from the grop but still i go and ruin my life!!

So stupid I'm. Some more doing more stupid mistake"

I understand that he has relasped and return back to gambling and incurred more damages and this time round even took loans from Mr. Shark!! His wife now wanted divorce and he has kids of age 2 and 4 ......


It must be very devastating and depressing for him. Many would not pity him. Some would say he deserved it. Some would encouraged the wife to leave quickly with the kids ...... I went through that before. I could understand how he felt as I also wanted to end it all back then...



Let us recall the incident back some time late last year, when a man killed his 2 kids and jump down to his death when his wife wanted to end their marriage at a time he was burdened with so much debts and so desparated and depressed .... I don't know what will this friend of mine choose to do. But I prayed that it's not the same sad ending as this fatal incident last year. So I thought of sharing this on the blog.

Recovery is so so painful. Why ? Becacuse we have to give up "gambling" which has been our best pal, our highs, our intimate relationship, our defence system, our hope in life, our solution to our money problem, our easliest way out in life .... to some, to give up gambling is like ending their life.....


Addict always says: "One last chance, just give me that one big win and I will stop ..... I can start all over again." Without gambling, an addict may not know how to cope with life anymore.


I am a gambling addict. I have a disease of addiction where there's no cure but it can be arrested. 45 months into recovery since I seeked help. I am still strugging. But I am making slow and steady progress. There are still alot of challenges, alot of pain but it's definitely, better than those days when I was gambling away.



Living life on life terms sucks. It take times to make changes. It may even take years and not even in this life time. Why ?


Becasue we have to unlearn our destructive way of life styles of gambling, be honest about our gambling problems. accept our illness, surrender completely, letting it go, "this is not my game", be open-minded to treatment and help, be willing to learn new postive behaviour, practice them on a daily basis.

In summary, it's H.O.W. H-honesty, O-openmindedness,W-willingness.

In recovery we seek progression, not perfection. We are not saints. We are sick people trying to get well. There may not be acceptance in our community about the fact that we are sick people, suffering from the disease of addiction. There may not be acceptance and forgiveness in the family and our love ones too. But after all the damages and destructions that we have done, the pain we have inflicted on our love ones, not only once but repeatedly .... How can we expect forgiveness and acceptance to be immediated ??

It takes time. We need to be patient but first of all, WE MUST CHOOSE RECOVERY.

Yes, we would sure to feel extremely guilty and many even became so shameful that sank down into depression .... I was told - if really feel guilty, then do the next right thing. We can still make amends when we are ready and when our victims are ready. But if we are stuck in the cycle of shame, we would not have the courage to do anything, we would just continue to isolate ourselves and returning back to gambling to seek the easliest way out of everything.


hahaha but in the midst of writing this story to share with everyone, praying for his safety .... then a friend of mine called me and told me,

"Bro, he's ok liao. He's back working .... he just text me and ask me .... "

hahaha how fast addict's mind changes ..... this is part of the disease... from one extreme to another.... no matter what, I am just glad that he choose life, pick himself up and doing the next right thing....


God Bless all of us seeking recovery.