Cookie - The Gambler ??

When Cookie, the Gambler is in denial ....

When Cookie, the Gambler is struggling to stop ....

When Cookie, the Gambler is coping with DEBTS ....

Interview by ST

ST reporter called me yesterday to do a interview with me over the phone on problem gambling .. AGAIN ??

so when i ask the reporter Janice, wat's the purpose of the report ??

Again, the same reply, - Awareness .. and also to get my opinion on the following issues

1) whether problem gambling is on the rise ?

2) whether help is readily available in singapore and whether they are effective ?

3) whether having Casinos here make it more difficult for gamblers to quit ?

and then to ask me abt my past again....

That clearly showed me the standard and research done by this reporter .... and it also tell me that many still do not understand what is gambling addiction and problem gambling !!!

To many, problem gambling is a moral weakness ... mainly bcos of greed and once you stop gambling, all the problem will be gone !!!

Compulsive gambling is a progressive disorder!!

IT IS AN EMOTIONAL ILLNESS.

As the compulsion rises, the gambler is often forced into a pattern of lying, cheating and stealing to stay in 'action'! wages and stakes also rises, eventually the gambler's money disappear. Obtaining money becomes paramount important, which eventually leads to lying and cheating, borrowing and even embezzling.

Everytime a gambler does that, he or she always rationalized by a very serious and sincere vow to pay back the money!!

then it will leads to loanshark, illegal activities, crime, broken family and even suicide.

To seek help, treatment ... the compulsive gambler has to be willing !! If the gambler is not willing, no one can force him to treatment. The most important is to break out it's destructive behaviuor pattern!! it's not about just stopping gambling!!

The FIRST STEP is - Realising that help does exists..... apnd next step is to be willing to seek help .... this is the beginning step of recovery - HONESTY !!!!

Look .. RECOVERY IS A JOURNEY, NOT A DESTINATION !!! it takes much more than time and effort !!

Where do gamblers go for help in singapore ??
Professionals at NAMS, family service center, religious support group, community service center ? HELP LINE ???

From my own experiences, the chances of rehab through just one of them are slim.... we need a holistic help through out the life journey....

RECOVERY is a JOURNEY and we have to learn to incooperate into my daily life. To many in recovery, life on life's term just simpily sucks

What the problem gamblers and gambling addict needs here is a holistic approach to provide a FRAMEWORK OF HOPE, STRUCTURE, and FRIENDSHIP from those who had lived the recovery successfully adapted to life without compulsive and destrcutive gambling!

This journey can be smooth or reocky but in any case, IT IS NEVER A PAINLESS JOURNEY !

What consistutes a holistic and effective recovery program ?? In my own views .....

1) it must be able to help gamblers to undercuts denial, projection and rationalisation.

2) it must help gamblers to identify the serious implications of gambling.

3) it must demands honesty and responsibility.

4) it must be able to help the gamblers to identify tand correct their character problems.

5) it must be able to give affection, personal concern and support for the problem gamblers and their family members, to learn how to live life on life's term.

6) it must have a program to help problem gamblers to develops sustitues for the void left by gambling.

7) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, it Must be non-judgmental and sincere.

Again, this is in my own personal opinion.... but where to get such a facility in singapore?? there's none able to provide such a holistic support.

""ARE WE READY TO PROVIDE SUCH A SUPPORT, A HOLISTIC CENTRE FOR PROBLEM GAMBLERS AND THEIR FAMILY??""

I was very fortunate to be able to do one year of FULL TIME recovery back in year 2007. Each day, i did avg of 3 meetings. I attended recovery support group meeting in IMH, WE CARE, ONE HOPE. I attended courses on addictions, attended regular counseloring sessions, group therapy, pyso-education etc on the diseases of addiction. Most importantly, learn simple life skills to re-live my life again.

Each of the center gave me different kind of help and support that I needed for myself and family. Then there are WESLEY social service, CDC and CDAC that i went there for help to cope with Life so that my family is being look after. Not mentioning my kind employer who still pay me half-pay while I was suspended from service. Most importantly, the very kind good doctors I met,the very professional counselors I had, and most importantly, my recovery group which walk the journey with me then for the next couple of years.

I don't how the interview will turn up on the news or whether I will be mis-quoted, so I better give my own version here rather than leave it to the ST reporter to phase it for me.

AGAIN , THIS IS PERSONAL VIEW. There is nothing against any organisation and institutions.

Thank you for coming to my nlog and reading my strength and experiences!!

GOD BLESS

 

................They do not understand that stopping gambling is just a beginning of a very painful journey.. only us, we can understand ...

"Another Sad Story ... Becos of DEBTS !!!"

No mention of problem gambling here .... but it's about other critical problems in life, meeting life's term that led many to look for quick-fix solutions to deal with their overwhelming "debts".... such as gambling, borrowing ... and here in this case "borrowing from Mr. SHARK!!" ...

and to some, extreme case ...

Quick-Fix Solution = "Death"

Here's the report in Chinese ... (pls pardon me for those who can't understand Chinese as I cn't seem to find this report in English)

辅警向大耳窿借钱 无法偿还走上绝路

（2011-06-29）● 傅丽云　报道

　　拖欠银行和电信公司等近四万元债务，薪水被银行扣除，辅警转向大耳窿借钱，结果非但没解决问题，财务状况反而更糟，最终走上绝路。李邝明（译音，38岁）数次向母亲说，如果无法偿还债务，他会跳楼或自轰；家人知道后，非常担心，设法帮他清还。

但时间一久，他们以为李邝明不是认真的，认为他应为自己的财务负责，就停止协助他。 去年5月31日下午3时30分左右，李邝明在公司AETOS位于裕廊企业路的基地厕所内自轰。

验尸庭昨天开庭研讯，验尸官杨启英认为李邝明死于自己造成的枪伤，而他这么做是要自寻短见。

死者原籍马来西亚，担任AETOS辅警约两年，驻守大士关卡。他的基薪1100元，靠加班能赚约1757元。调查显示，死者欠三家电信公司、五家银行和金融公司，以及一家家具店共近4万元。事发日，死者到大士关卡值班，时间从午夜零时30分至下午3时。死者值班时表现正常，还与同事开玩笑，根本没显露情绪低落或沮丧状况；与同事回裕廊基地归还佩枪等配备时，也没出现异样。

不过，在排队归还佩枪时，死者突然转身告诉女同事说“我再也受不了了”，然后离队。该女同事问他要上哪儿，他回说要用厕所。不久，女同事就听到一声巨响。她怀疑是枪声，但也以为是重物落地之声，就不以为意，继续排队。 当时，死者的另一同事阿兹曼在储物室更衣，也听到巨响，于是到厕所了解情况。

阿兹曼闻到浓烈弹药味，就走到第一间厕室查看，发现血液从第二间厕室流入。他急忙到第二间厕室敲门，但里头毫无动静，只听到沉重呼吸声。 阿兹曼跑出厕所求助，最终与另一同事合力打开厕门。他们见死者左手拿着佩枪，仰卧在地。

警方从死者的裤袋找到一封遗书。死者在遗书中对自己的行为表示歉意，说他选择这条路，将让自己不再有任何痛苦和负担。

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(I read this sentence with lots of thoughts ..... I once thought of it as well ...... the report wrote that he said in a letter he left behind..

"I regret my actions but I decide to chose this path of no return is to free myself of all the sufferings and burdens" !!!!

HOW CAN WE REACH OUT TO PEOPLE LIKE THIS ..... WHO HAS THE THOUGHTS OF ENDING EVERYTHING and NEEDED SOMEONE WHO CLD REALLY UNDERSTAND HIM ... LISTEN TO HIM AND WALK HIM OUT .......

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死者也表示希望上帝可以解救他，释放他沮丧和无助的灵魂，同时希望公司能提供经济援助给他患病的母亲和即将成为寡妇的妻子。 针对死者的遗言，AETOS发言人回复本报询问时说，公司已尽所能为死者的家属提供经济援助，尽力协助他们渡过这个艰苦时刻。 “我们为他的不幸死亡感到无比难过。与此同时，我们也通过一些措施协助有困难的雇员，预防类似事件的发生。”

发言人说，公司通过“职场情绪健康计划”，帮助员工更好地处理情绪问题。除了内部的辅导员，它也与其他的辅导中心合作，为有困难的员工提供最大援助。

另外，死者在自轰五天前，发手机简讯给一个朋友说，他很难偿还债务，“当我的薪水被银行扣除时，我没办法，只好向大耳窿借1000元，还以为银行不会扣除我的薪水，我可以偿还一些给大耳窿，但现在更糟。我想结束生命……”死者较早前也打电话给这名朋友，说他情况不好，负担很重，想要自轰，该朋友加以劝阻。

死者只跟上司提过，他跟妻子有些问题，但从未向上司或其他同事提及经济困境。2008年，死者的妹妹曾帮他偿还1万2000元给银行，其他家人也帮过他数次。他们虽知死者有轻生念头，但以为他只是说说罢了。

IT's really sad .... and it's really painful for those who still loves him dearly .....

Accepting My "Best"

In recovery, I don't have to do it any better than I can !!

As long as I have done it to the best of my ability and  要對得起天地良心 , just for this moment, I am able to LET IT GO.

If my best is not good enough, if I have to redo it, then I can do my best in another moment later !!

Striving for excellence is a positive quality BUT striving for perfection is self-defeating !!

There are days when my best is less than what I hoped for ...... I have to learn to let those times go. Start over tomorrow. Work things through, until my best become better !!

Think about it ......



To "Ah Soon"

Hi Ah Soon

Thanks for your email "Ah Soon looking for you @ relaspe 2 June"

I tried to reply you but can't seems to send the mail to you @ "Sherry23", mail keep bouncing back so I decided to write this on the blog so that you could see this.

As you know very well that since Nov 10, I no longer going to Nams as I am not welcome by the professional there or perhaps to quote:  "I am not suitable to be a volunteer there to help people"

Currently, I am having regular kopi sessions at United Square with some of the fellowship as part of recovery meeting. You are always welcome to join us. I will ask Phang to text you when we set up the next mtg.

If you keen to meet me for a 1-1 heart to heart chat, just send me a sms, and we can arrange to meet and chat over kopi.

Meanwhile, please take good care. Instead of continue to try help and rescue other new comers in NAMS, doing those committed "duty" at GAMES, please consider this : "Help yourself and look after yourself first at this stage of recovery.

"Recovery is not about stopping gambling."

"Recovery is a process of change."

"Changes takes time and Changes can only take place with Acceptance and Honesty."

The moment one said he's 70%-80% or 90% recovered, there's where the disease of addiction, the devil will take control !!

Even Till now, I am very much still a gambling addict and my life is still unmanageable!

Regards

Bennie

"1325"

This is that special number ...

"HAUNTED" me for the past 1 month !!!  

This is my favourite number esp when it falls on the month of my birthday in May. I love to buy this number during the month of my birthday and of course in the past during my active addictions, I did strike this number many times ... The stakes were big then ... at times 50big 50 small or 10 bet 120 small ..

Thesedays, I still buy 4D and Toto .... of course stakes are now small $1 big or $2 big and of course no more illegal betting.

Why, so small now ..... "No money mah!!" is it right ???

Or becos Im in recovery ?? Then why must bet ??

Buy small "HOPE" in daily life mah !! Oh yeah ??

What ever the reason was ... the main thing is "BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF!! ONLY YOU KNOW THE TRUTH!!" in this case ... I know the truth and I am responsible for my own actions.

But the stakes got increased drastically during the past 3 weeks as income were good and it falls on the month of my "birthday" ....

The worst thing is for the past 3 weeks, where ever I go, the combination of 1325 kept appearing!!! Damn it.

Car Numbers, Bills, Cash Card value, Reciept Number, Door Number, HP Number, where I go, on the daily basis ... IT JUST KEPT APPEARING IN FRONT OF ME !!!!

Devil playing with me or God Hintint me ... This kept spinning in my head..... And of course I thought to myself...

HOSAY LIAO !!!

IT's COMING,　要來了 .... !!"

Then I started rolling the numbers 1 week before my birthday on the 25th May ..... $1 big roll means $24 .... 1 week 3 draws means - - $72 !!! Plus the actual number $2 big front and back ....

NOW THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION - - DID I STRIKE ??

WOW KAU !!!!!

KENA EAT DRY DRY!!!

So what's the moral of this story ???

Never ever believe "it's coming" wahahaha

Also the more you want it ... the more you won't get it !!! hahahaha

One Bet A Day !!!

One Bet A Day ...... Sounds good and resaonable ??

If the bet per day is restricted to $20-$40 ...... No big deal right ??

That is what I think so .....

Income was good in the month of Apr bcos of the increased assignements ... I paid all the bills on time, given the household and extra money earned to my wife except that ....

I kept that $30- $50 for me on a daily basis for the past 1 month depending on the day earning.

I though to myself, now I could manage this 1 BET per day thingy well .... So I started ...

1 week passed .....then 2 weeks then coming to end of month ......

I haven't being winning at all ..... almost 80% of the tickets ended in the bin .....

Well, I didn't felt the pain as it was money that I could afford ... Still in deep denial ....

Then come 2nd Week of May which I have no more assignments ... OUCH !!!!

Damn ME !!!

How much money I have lost over the One BET per Day thingy .....

$50 x 21 days x 80% = $840!!!

This is not the money I could afford !!! goodness me .....

WHY DIDN't I STOP ...... OR WHY DID I Started it ....

Why didn't I Think of That !!!!


IS THAT TRUE  ??? I have thought of that ... but i made that choice to start .... now I goto "DAMN me " ???

DENIAL .. DENIAL ... DENIAL

Didn't Even Notice I Am Lying

It's a big big problem with me, maybe with all gambling addicts. Always thinking it's ok, no problem, I can handle now .....

Now I have to struggle to stop that "ONE BET A DAY" disease in me .... and damn !!! It's always so easy to get it going but so tough to come to a complete stop ....

Haizz ....