DON'T Let the Past Hold you HOSTAGE

I didn't choose to be a gambling addict from day one.......

But i became an addict.... I can't turn back the clock. ...

10years flew past in recovery ... And my recovery is still under construction. ...

It becomes so clear and apparent that people around me who grew up with my past destructive behaviour still very much affected by my past. .... they are still feeling insecure and to certain extend .. still feeling hurt...

While I admitted the fact I'm maybe the cause of all these damages I hv done..... but i may not be their solutions.....

If i continue to let the past hold me hostage. ........ i will always be the prisoners of the Past....

BUT I DON'T HAVE TO BE. ....

I HAVE A CHOICE....

I will continue to rebuild. .. to reconstruct .. and to continue to change for the better ....

That's the only thing i can do on a daily basis now.

Tales As Old as Time

Once upon a time.... i took everything, everyone around for granted bcos i was always so lucky. .

Whenever in trouble. .. there is always someone or something that bailed me out of the shit ...

Then one day ...... it all crashed.... i lost everything. .. everyone left .... no one trusted me anymore. .... even the nicest people.... and all my love ones....

They told me ... it's time to wake up my fking idea and change. ....

Yup i was forced to change then... but wasn't sincere at the beginning.... and kept fighting back saying "I HV ALREADY CHANGE WHAT!!"

It wasn't from my heaert.... It wasn't sincere...

So Nothing Changes...........

Till one day ..... i really decided to change

Then Miracle starts to happen.

"TALES AS OLD AS TIME ....."

Miracle Does Happen

I believe in Miracle ....

Anything is possible ....

But this doesn't apply to the Next Bet????
Hahahaha

Miracle of Recovery!!! Not Miracle of the Next Bet!!

Where to draw that line???

That's why it is always so frustrating. .. and a constant struggle of recovery in real life!!!!

Isn't recovery itself it's also A Bet in Life??

No sure win in recovery right?

Anyone sure that i wont strike the next jackpot???

What's right to do??? Placing the next bet isnt right?????

My dear friends......

Recovery isnt about not betting or stop gambling! !!!

Recovery is abt changes in Oneself !!

If your Attitude in life has changed...
If your Behaviour has changed....
If your Temper has changed....
If your love for gambling has changed...

Perhaps then you can try the next bet..

Hahahaha not anyone can be Messi...

But gamblers like me... sure can be very Messy ...

Do it Now.

Maybe ... just give me one more go at it..

I hv won before. ..
I WON big before...

I hv got good feel that it will come out..

If no joy then later I will stop completely. ...

Familiar? ??? Hahaha

But some how.... the later will never come.

Sharing My Experience and Strength

I feel that the approach to the disease of addiction is completely realistic, for the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. I feel that one addict can best understand and help another addict....

But it could be a double edged sword if one is not careful and one's ego got inflated and start to ''carry'' the addict..

My approach is .... Sharing My Experiences and Strength. ...

I dun expect them to follow what i did... each and every individual is different though the disease of addiction is the same.

I just wana share and help them see HOPE.

Recovery is Abt Changes

Recovery is not just about stopping gambling or staying stop ....

Recovery is about Changes ...... a process that brings about change in our lives. We need that change if nothing change... nothing changes ..

It’s important that I always remain open-minded when others point out my shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for me to change and grow.

When I stopped gambling, I realized I couldn't deal with my daily lives ... I couldn't deal with my relationships .... I couldn't deal with my own emotions ..... there's so much emotions in me that make me very sensitive to remarks made ......

Initially I met those remarks and criticisms with anger, rage, reacting very defensively .... 

I was angry with almost everything !

Then as I grow in my recovery, I realise that reacting defensively limits my ability to receive the help they are offering us; letting go of my defenses actually help me to open the door to change, growth, and new freedom.

I started to work on my negativity and changing them to positive energy ....... trust me ... means really alot alot of restraint, alot of discipline and alot of effort on my part

<< Everything happens for a reason !! There is definitely something that my spiritual higher power wants me to learn>>

Today, each day in the recovery process will bring me an opportunity for further change and growth. I will do to the best of my ability, applying the spiritual principles I learned in recovery in my daily life.

I am not only powerless over my addictions, but also powerless over the people, places and things around me. I can't change them, but I can certainly change myself. When I start to change, people and things around me will also start to change !!

The more I learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, I believe the more I will grow and the more comfortable I will become with my recovery.

And After 10 years on ...... I have somehow grow up to be a better person .... Same Bennie but one without needing to use Anger as my defense anymore  .

In Life....... Keep Trying

Exams drama time for all students and parents as well in the month of Oct and Nov in Singapore. 

No time to get panic...
No point scolding, screaming shouting..
No time crying and breaking down if not prepared. ...

Just like in Recovery... you just need to lift yourself up, accept the current state of life, face the crisis/adversity which we have created for ourselves, deal with it to the best of our abilities and keep going. 

It's All we can do ..... KEEP TRYING