I am fucked up????

In recovery, i learnt it the hard way....

Regardless how much effort i put in ... how much i have changed......

I will never be able to make it  up...

I betrayal in the past... the hurt ... the pain i have caused for everyone in the family...

My parents.. my wife .. my children ...

It will never be the same again!!

During their good times... they will not remember anything and continue to be good to you... everything seems well and rosy...

But in time of crisis... adversity or facing life challenges. ... they all will have a go at me.... and said how fucked i was to have caused all these...

The more I try to explain .... the worst it gets.......

Nevermind ...Continue to fuck me...

Im Fine

I get what i deserved....
Even when all of you.... even my love ones keep saying how fuck i was.... and how fuck im now...

But that doesn't stop me from trying ...... and continue to learn to be a better Son ... a better husband.. a better father. ... and a better Man.

One day .... i believe one day .....

I will hear them saying.....

He is a good son
He is a good husband
He is a good father
He is a good grandpa...

Till then .... i will keep trying ....