Open-Mind

"Today when someone points out a shortcoming, my first reaction may be defensive. I know there will always be room for growth. I am still learning”

Recovery is a process that brings about change in my life. I need that change if I am to continue my growth toward freedom.

It’s important that I remain open-minded when others point out my shortcomings, for they are bringing to light opportunities for us to change and grow. Especially those shortcomings which I thought were my strength.

Reacting defensively limits my ability to receive the help they are offering to me; letting go of my defense opens the door to change, growth, and new freedom.

Each day in my recovery process will bring an opportunity for further change and growth. The more I learn to greet change with an open mind and heart, the more I will grow and the more comfortable I will become with my recovery

My Struggles with My Discoveries....

While working my Step 1 and Step 4, I came to realize the following traits of my gambler's instinct, gambler's personality and the false belief system which previously these were not presented so clear to me, Or perhaps during that past 18 months, going through coming clean with love ones, family and my bosses, gaining recovery knowledge, facing criminal charges and imprisonment, has kept my thoughts, my heart and my soul focus on stopping, staying stop ~~ for a possible miracle in recovery.......

But now when those are over, when I have served my terms, when my loved ones, family and friends felt that I have learnt my lessons well, learnt it the hard way, I would not repeat the same mistake, I can be normal again....... The pressure of staying stop suddenly is gone ...... the false belief system of I can resume as a social gambler or controlled gambling is possible because I have learnt enough of / about gambling addiction which would prevent me from returning to my previous destructive life pattern.

The hope or perhaps the false hope that God will now be merciful to me and grant me a huge win to recover all my losses returns because I have stayed clean.... because I have made changes..... because I have trust God ...... All the false belief system, the addict within starts to play the mind game....

I recalled what Apostle Paul wrote In Roman Chap 7, verse 15-17, about struggling with sins....

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me”

I have check with my therapist and told him about my guilt, shame and pain in my self discovery ....... I struggled and still struggling with my self-discovery about the addict me and I check with him whether my discoveries are normal and common to all gambling addicts and the answer to my below questions is a simple ~~ “YES, your are right.”

1) Most gambling addicts are insecured, fearful and mainly gambled to escape emotions, to fell useful, empower and gaining control of himself. -- I DID THAT !!

2) All gambling addicts, whether in recovery or not, still harbors that false dreams of huge win,restoring one's status and hoping to prove a point to prove to others that they are ok and normal. -- I HARBOR THAT !!

3) All gambling addicts still have a deep desire to regain controlled-gaming ... the false belief system that they are good and with more experience and safety nets, they can achieve that “control”, especially when things, situation and life has become calm and pressure off. -- I HAVE THAT !!

4) All these above 3 points are usually deep hidden, and gamblers in recovery would deny them and some are even not aware about them....... -- I DISCOVERED THAT !!

I am in the process of change .....

I am in the process of learning to live life on life's term .....

I am still learning about my recovery in gambling addiction ....

I am still trying to rebuild my relationships, my foundation and myself ....

BUT It's only ONE DAY @ A TIME

ACCEPTANCE

The Way to Serenity & Peace of mind.

I struggle to live life on life's terms in recovery. Often, I was advise : "If you can't solve your problems, learn to live with them and in-spite of them"

"Oh sure ... sure ... just like that.... it's just so simple.... I thought...."

- - Just accept it that there are people, places and things that you cannot change them. In recovery, we use the serenity prayers - - written by Reinhold Niebuhr.

It was shared by many that you simply ask God to give you the ability to take people, places and things as they are, if you cannot change them. We can seldom change people, especially those that we have harmed or traunmatised during the course of our active addiction. We cannot expect them to be delighted or grateful for our recovery. BUT we can Change ourselves.

Acceptance is the only real source of tranquillity, serenity, peace. It is alos known as "Surrender", "Bowing to the Inevitable", "Joining 'em". It can be acquired if you have an urgent desire to help yourself and are willing to ask God to help you.

In practise:

Face up to the problems that is driving you wild, and say: " Is there anything I can do about it right now today?" If there is do it ! Don't put it off another minute. If there's nothing you can do about it today, accept it and forget it.

I don't get over a high wall by banging my head against it - I will just get a headache and a bruised head. If I sit down in a shade of the wall and say "MAYBE I'm better off on this side, afterall !!"

I am keeping the faith, and trusting God will make things turn out better for me and for everyone else around me.

Jeremaiah17:7
"Blessed is the man who trust in GOD, whose condfidence is in HIM"

Share Your Story, Experience and Strength Here !!

Dear fellow members and friends.

Come and Share your story, experience and strength over here in this blog. It may be you recovery journey so far, your ways of staying away from first bet, dealing with debts, banks and loansharks etc.....

~ ~ "The best help for an addict is another fellow addict!" ~ ~

Take a look at the right side of the blog. I have 3 songs available for your pleasure listening while you share your story, experience and strength with fellow members here ~ in this blog title !!!!

Understand and Apply the 12 Step Recovery Program

When compulsive gamblers read the 12 steps of recovery for the first time, their reactions can vary:

a) some fear it ..... "it is an impossible task"

b) some denied it ...... "I dont need to do all these things"

c) most common, some are just so sick they dont understand what it is being asked of them so they put it aside

Whatever the reaction, do not panic. When the higher power gave us the 12 steps, he also gave us plenty of time and better still, he gave all of us the same time --- THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

We believe that Step 1 - - " We admitted we were powerless over gambling, that our lives had become unmanageable" - - is virtually a precondition for all the rest. Unless we can admit and accept that gambling has us "licked", that there is no way we can win, we will struggle.

However, we also understand that some of us "just need to place a bet" ... and it's not about winning but about dependence on gambling to achieve the mood change he/she required. Many of us used gambling to cope with our emotions....fear , stress, anxiety, escape life, guilt, depressed ......

The acceptance of Step 1 can keep people free of gambling on its own but, as has been said so often, stopping gambling is not enough. So our predecessors, in their wisdom, laid down the other 11 steps steps of recovery which will enable us to live normal, decent lives and play our part in the society within which we live.

Recovery is a process of Change,

Changes takes time and is progressive in nature.

You may not have stop gambling when you join us in the program, you could progressively achieve total abstinence from gambling. It's one day at a time. As one of the member reflected :

"I still punt, but not the way I used to. I started to have thoughts of my love ones and family each time I place a bet..... sometimes I do walk away without betting, sometimes I place a small bet. It's not about winning, but allowing it to calm down my struggles within. I havce learned to place enough safety nets while I progresses .... I have my love one (my wife) to check on me, I don't hold extra money or credit card or even atm card. I take daily allowance from my wife..... hopefully as I progress in the recovery, there is no need for me to place even a small bet anymore ...."

There is a tremendous amount of knowledge and wisdom in the GA meeting rooms.... It's not just abt 12steps..... it's about each and everyone of our experience and strength in recovery, helping us to learn to live life on life's term, encouraging members to stay out of trouble due to gambling, going back home safely each day!!

There are many ways to recover, take whatever works for you..... and if you can't find any, try this simple, structured 12 steps program.

It will enable you to know yourself better.

It will set you at peace with yourself and fellow human beings.

It will bring you serenity and allow you to manage your life with some dignity, self-respect and the love of your love ones, famliy and fellow man.

Right Believing Leads To Right Living

Important ~ Right Believing

1) "GOD is never tempted to do wrong, And HE never tempts anyone else either ..... "

2) "What is impossible from human perspective is possible with GOD!"

- - Is anything too hard for Our Creator ??

3) "GOD is Love"

- - The unfailing love and faithfulness of GOD never ends .....

4) "GOD will never condemn you!!"

- - The one who has the right to condemn you and judge you, chose instead to send HIS beloved son to die for you, for the forgiveness of your sins......

5) "GOD is Faithful"

- - HE will always find a way out for you when you are tempted ..... HE will never fail you or forsake you .....

6) "Humble yourself before GOD, resist the accuser within & he will flee from you"

- - Draw close to GOD and GOD will draw close to you......

7) GOD has promised a way out of every temptation ..... HE is the solution .....

As this is a spiritual program, right spiritual beliefs will leads to right living. 12th step program is a program of change .... Changes can only take places with right believing and right thinking !!

Old Dreams Needn’t Die

“Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise.”

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our gambling addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of our gambling career ..... the pursuit of the false hope of a big win....

Our dreams didn’t go beyond the next BET and the euphoria we hoped it would bring. Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions.

We may discover that we’re very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards. We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Now we can use our energy to do whatever we can, one day at a time, to the best of our ability ... to work towards fulfilling our dreams.

We will not be anxious of anything. Our heart will be filled with gratitude, thanks-giving and in everything, we will pray about it and turn it our to the care of God.

Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we’re capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today:

Starting today, I’ll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

Steps towards "Slip"

MY OWN EXPERIENCE ABOUT STEPS TOWARDS SLIP

Stage 1 = Doubt created

Stage 2 = Faith Shaken

Stage 3 =

Confusion Of Mind

Stage 4 = Attracted By Tempation

Stage 5 = Self-Desires within increases

Stage 6 =
Vulenerable to Deception
(Self-Denial)

Finally .... Stage 7 = Giving in to temptation....

This is my version and experience on how temptaion works against me ......Understanding the various stages of the temptation cycle allows me to build my own safety nets.

"EVERY STEP TOWARDS GOD IN RECOVERY ~ KILLS A DOUBT"

This program offers HOPE

“This program offers hope. All you have to bring with you is the desire to stop gambling and the willingness to try this new way of life.”

From time to time we wonder if we’re “doing it right” in GA. Are we attending enough meetings? Are we using our sponsor, or working the steps, or speaking, or reading, or living the “right” way?

We value the fellowship of recovering addicts—we don’t know what we’d do without it. What if the way we’re practicing our program is “wrong”? Does that make us “bad” GA members?

We can settle our insecurities by reviewing our Third Tradition, which assures us that “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling.”

There aren’t any rules that say we’ve got to attend this many meetings or these particular meetings, or work the steps this way at this pace, or live our lives to suit these people in order to remain GA members in good standing. It’s true that, if we want the kind of recovery we see in members we respect, we’ll want to practice the kind of program that’s made their recovery possible.

But GA is a fellowship of freedom; we work the program the best way for us, not for someone else. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop gambling.

- - Just for today- -

I will look at the program I’m working in light of my own recovery. I will practice that program to the best of my ability.

The Return To Gambling ~ A True Story

.... Walking out of pink clouds, I was suddenly bombarded with problems; problems of reconcilation at home, problems of re-adjusting and meeting life-on-life's term, problems of settling down after spending time behind bars, and most importantly the ever-present gamble problem in MY BLOOD ......

I realised that I have remained in the past instead of revealing the current bug running thru my viens. I tried very hard to live in a healthy recovery ...... My very real and disturbing problems were kept within...... gambling is in my blood..... gambling allows the mood alteration that my brain chemical required ......

I watched my deterioration with the feeling that my active participation in GA and other recovery self-help group meetings would overcome my problem. I felt that working one part of the program was an insurance policy. IT DID NOT WORK ......

Then I became agitated.... anxiety increased..... I went into the self-pity mode fill with so much guilt and shame. In the program, I learned that I had for years avoided solving problems and achieving my mood alteration by gambling, but my defense against life's problem was gone - - I had stopped gambling. Now I was faced with problems for which I hadn't the wherewithal to resolve or tolerate.

I became hysterical. My therapy hinted at the disaster to come. Although I was actively involved in meetings and helping new members, I went back to gambling. I placed a bet. Even it's a small bet. It's still a bet. I gave in to acheive the mood alteration which I desired. It works 100%. I slipped......

Back at GA, I was asked to face the reality that I had gambled and run away from my problems for many years and hence, compounded most of the problems in my life. The disease model of ADDICTION is a chronic relapsing disease. This awakening created an inward disgust. I was the cause and effect of my miserable condition.

I tempted myself and at the first opportunity gave up my principle ..... I tempted myself becos I was "sick"......I gambled with my principle not to gamble .... I gambled to achieve stability in my emotions, relieving the stress, fear and condemnation I was feeling .... I discoverd a new form of action.

TODAY in GA self-help group, I am a better listener. I healed the wound of my slip, and I know that the first bet is made in the mind..... I know how my body and brain chemical is so dependent on gambling to achieve the mood alternation..... I need to rebuild all the forms of natural relationships in life as not to depends on gambling for mood alteration....... I need to be patient, to persevere and to work the program to claim spiritual progress rather than perfection. I need to learn to take baby-steps

TODAY I watch for the signals and the origins of the 'disaster' (anger, impatience, stress, condemnation, guilt,shame) and attempt to alter my attitude immediately.......

Repair the moment, one day at a time, and live free of slip.....

Fellowship of GA

Many may have misunderstood the "Fellowship of GA "....

You don't have to stop gambling inorder to join us..... You don't have to be "clean" and "sober" to join us ...

ALL that is required is "the desire to stop gambling"

Even if you don't have the desire to stop at the moment BUT if you are aware that gambling is causing destruction in your life...... OR if you are repeatedly getting into trouble/debts because of gambling...... AND if gambling causing you losing touch with your emotions .....

..... Come join us .....

There is no judgement .....

There is no condemnation .....

There is no discrimination .....

THERE IS ONLY UNITY, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING. THERE IS HELP.....

Our focus is on showing the compulsive gambler who wants help, how to help him or herself.

One of our fundamental principles is that the help offered by GA can be effective only when it is asked for and open-mindedly accepted by any newcomer.

..... GIVE YOURSELF A NEW LEASE OF LIFE ......

Coping With Urges to Gamble

Many compulsive gamblers, especially those in early stages of recovery, experience urges to gamble, some even believe that after coming into recovery, we can learn to gamble socially ......

Repetition of the gambling behavior over a relatively long period of time, combined with thoughts of gambling and associated pleasurable feelings, causes the compulsive gambler to experience cravings, and trying to stop these desires would caused one to experience post acute withdrawal ......

Sometimes these urges to bet are so intense and overpowering that they cause the gambler to relapse ..... and gambling addiction has such overpowering effect over oneself ...... So slips and relapse do happen often in recovery.....

..... Changes takes time and it takes alot of practise .....

BUT most importantly "WE" have to continue this recovery journey eventhough it's painful and at times very frustrating, especially when our love ones don't understand ..... We have to learn from each slip, relapse so that we can't learn more coping skills and put more safety nets for ourselves to prevent us from going back to our full destructive gambling lifestyle .....

Here are some suggestions to cope with urges to gamble

1) Attends regular GA meetings

2) Pick up the phone to call a fellow GA members to talk, someone that you trust

3) Read and re-read GA materials to re-inforeced the importance of staying away from betting

4) Work your 12 steps recovery program on a consistence and regular basis

5) Don't go in or near gambling establishments

6) Avoid looking at things which will trigger your gambling thoughts

7) Avoid being caught up in gambling discussion or analysis

8) Keep away from your gambling associates

9) Get someone to control your daily allowance... if not possible, carry only the bare minimum of money you need for the day

10) Start changing your attitude ..... there's alot of difference between "I HAVE TO STOP GAMBLING" and "I WANT TO STOP GAMBLING"

11) Change Behavior ... most difficult task ..... but it's needed to prevent a return to your previous life destructive patterns

12) Acknowledge the urges, and don't fight against it. Be aware of it - don't denied

13) Delay your bets, putting it off again and again..... urges too shall pass

14) Change the thoughts in your mind ... change the slide

15) Accept the fact that you cannot gamble safely

16) Keep saying the serenity prayers

...... KEEP YOURSELF SAFE ......

Struggling With Own Emotions

........

In recovery, I am also powerless over my emotions and my emotions are unmanageble

........

I just don't understand it ..... for the past 2 days, I am just so frustrated with myself, people, places and things around me .... I just can't calm down, I just can't find peace within, I just can't let go .....

~~ I am very sensitive to any remarks and comments on me even it may be teasing or joking ... I don't like people to hold me hostage of my past .... BUT am I holding myself hostage of the past ???

~~ Noises, screaming, shouting of people around me makes me upset, trigger my anger ... it's very difficult especially I have kids at home .... some said it's stress, fear, post acute withdrawal .... do I have an "unknown" agenda ??

~ ~ Constant nagging by my love ones igitates me ..... I'm just released from behind bars, ... I wanted to slow down and adjust to life outside, I want to learn to take baby step ...... Am I being lazy ? Am I being fearful ?

~ ~ I am frustrated that people don't seems to appreciate me especially I am trying so hard to change, to be good and to stop gambling .....

~ ~ I don't have the ability yet to walk away from confrontation and arguement when I am not in the wrong..... I still don't like losing ..... BUT I felt extremely lousy after each exchange.....

~ ~ I don't feel love.... I don't get enough attention from my love ones.... I'm like a baby that needs their full attention ...... BUT I know I can't get them..... I knw they have not trust me yet ... I know it takes a long time .... BUT I JUST Can't HELP IT ...

........ I want attention, I want Love, I want my love ones to understand me, I demand instant gratifications for myself ........

..... HELP ME ....

I'm anxious, frustrated, angey, upset .... I want desperately to alter my mood ..... DEEP WITHIN, I KNEW THAT THE ONLY SURE WAY is to " go back to place a bet" or "use another substance to calm me down" , to allow me to feel the way my brain chemicals desire ...... it works 100% .....

I tried it previously before ..... the moment I am at a betting outlet, the moment of analysis a game, odds and outcome, the moment of getting involved ... IT's NOT ABOUT THE BET - Winning or Losing anymore ..... I went into a betting outlet, filled out the betting slips after staring at the odds and brain began active in analysis.... I joined in the queue ..... I felt good, calm and composed ......

This time, the struggles happened late in the night ...... I picked up the phone, called a fellow member ... He listen patiently, understands but didn't offer advise as he knows it's not the advise Im looking for.....

It's the "MOOD ALTERATION" which what my body, mind and soul desired ...... We prayed together over the phone ...... I didn't seek other alternative..... I went to take a cold shower, broke down and cried....... I felt better after praying, taking a cold shower and crying .... I felt a sense of relieve......

BUT THE MOOD RETURNS TO HAUNT ME AGAIN THE NEXT DAY ...... Especially when Euro 2008 is just around the weekend ...... it's gona be a real struggle......

~ STEP ONE ~

We at GA, believe our gambling problem is an emotional illness, progressive in nature, which no amount of human will-power can stop or control.

We have facts to support this belief. We believed, at one time or another, that all of our problems could be solved with a BIG WIN. Some, pathetically, even after making a big win, found themselves in WORST trouble within a short period of time.

We continued to gamble ....... We found we had risked loss of family, friends, security and jobs. We still continued to gamble. We gambled to the point where it resulted in imprisonment, insanity or attempt suicide. We still continued to gamble and were unable to stop.

We fell victim to a belief that if only our financial problems could be solved, we would be able to stop gambling or even be able to gamble like normal people. Many times we swore we would never gamble again believing we had the will-power to stop gambling.

We believed a lie. We believe we had the power to stop or control our gambling. Our inability to honestly look at our gambling problem enabled us to continue to gamble. In spite of all of the evidence from our past, we still denied the truth about our gambling

Upon entering GA, we must develop the ability to honestly look at our gambling. This is the first step in our process of recovery. Without honesty, we cannot admit our powerlessness over gambling. We must honestly accept, admit and unconditionally surrender to this powerlessness in order to proceed with our recovery. any reservations we had or may presently have that we can gamble again means we still believe we are not powerless over gambling and that we have not admitted or accepted our powerlessness. (either we have power over gambling or we don't.

To those members who have difficulty with admitting their powerlessness over gambling, they should write about their gambling, and the destruction their gambling has caused and their countless futile attempts to stop gambling. Use the '20 Questions" as a guide. Write extensively, thoroughly and specifically using each of the questions as a central focal point. Only with the awareness and the acceptance of the hopelessness, helplessness and desperation of our situation (as compulsive gamblers) can we develop the open-mindedness required for STEP 2.