"Magical Potion of Life"

Guess what .... I have been given the magical potion of life .......

I have been facing so much of resistance in life .... preventing myself from moving forward .... the burden, guilt and shame of the past .... the fear, anxiety of tomorrow ... the current daily challenges I am facing with my struggles, my finanical situations, family issues, my unstable job etc ....


Then I was told .... äcceptance ..... just accept it for today .... whatever the issues are, whoever the people may be, wherever the places and things it may be ... just accept it for the moment if you just can't do anything about it, then let it go, leave it aside and move on ...

Acceptance help me to cope for the day, esp for today ... move on to do my part, my role, my responsibilities for the day ... it's magical when I told myself ... accept ... let it go .... look at the positive and accept the negative aspect .... it works for me today ...


Magical .... try it if you just finding yourself suck in a situation or struggling with emotions and any issues that you felt so helpless and powerless ...

Ï am responsible for my recovery

The further I go in recovery, the more I am responsible for myself and my actions. By applying the principles of the my recovery program, I am able to change my live.

Today, i will let go of my guilt and fear abt my past and present circumstances. I will embrace my history, with its pain, its imperfections, its mistakes and its tragedies. It is uniquely mine, and intended for me. My present circumstances are exactly as they need to be - for NOW.

NOW - My existence takes on new meaning as I accept responsibility and the freedom of choice responsibility implies. I do not take my recovery for granted. I take responsibility for my recovery by working the program to the best of my ability. I go to meetings regularly and share with the newcomer what was freely given to me: the gift of recovery.

I become involved with our home group every Tuesday at NAMS and accept responsibility for my part in sharing recovery with the still-suffering gambling addict. As I learn how to effectively practice spiritual principles in all areas of my live, the quality of my live will improves.

Pep Guardiola .... "These things happen ... "

I really like what Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola told a news conference after the his team suffered the European CL home defeat last night .....

"These things happen. It's not the first time and I doubt it will be the last," he spoke at the news conference ..... "I didn't feel like we played a bad match." ......

These words motivate me especially after recent trouble times at home, the crisis I am going through in recent weeks, the constant inner struggles .... these happend despite me playing my part, playing a good game .... God is just so wonderful !!

Reading back the last wkend matches and yesterday games, I am so glad that I need not go thru the following routine again .....

"All the punter's favourites didn't clear the handicap .... punters struggling for payment to bookies on monday, handphone constant ringing or shaking in vibration mode ... minds trying to construct beautiful lies to borrow money from family and friends, faking MCs, borrow loan-sharks, expanding credit lines and credit cards cash advance ... just to pay up the bookies so that they could continue to fight back during the mid-week games ..... Now most are in bigger pile of shit ...... "

Comparing to the struggles, troubles and crisis that I am going through now, I am feeling more grateful ..... I definitely don't want to go back there ..... Thank God.

In the earlier morning daily spiritual reflections, I was stunned by the wisdom of God words yet again ...

"Accidents and Crisis in life are actually incidents according to God's plan to draw us closer to Him, and to be dependent on Him ..... " Im grateful that I found such a loving higher power who has been carrying me all these while .....

"Now .... it's always lose-lose for me .... "

.... Suddenly I realised .... it seems to be an awakening .....

Now ..... in any incident that happens, especially at home, at work or with your love ones .... be it a quarrel, a fight, any form of arguement or confrontation, regardless of what the outcome is .... I am always the bad guy .... I am always at a lose-lose situation .....

Is this self-pity ???? I guess not ....

God has a great sense of humor .... There is always something to learn from in times of troubles. Sadly to say, addict like me, can only be transformed under deep rock bottom troubles ......

Just give an anology .... A incident sparks a fight at home ... I was wrongly accused and abused so I was again in the defense mood and I fought back. In a rage of fire, I forgot about mercy again .... The sparks turn into fire .... major acident happened at home, someone got hurt not by me .... police came ..... no matter what's the outcome is ..... guess what ... all the arrow wld still be pointing against me ..... rite ??

So right from the beginning, why react ??? why be angry if I know that no matter what happen, at the end of the day, I am still at a lose-lose situation .....

Just take a look at the extend of the damages that gambling addiction has caused to my life and my family ......

Regret ??? ...... Don't know how to answer ... I have never asked to be a gambling addict .... I wouldn't be one if I know I am ending up as such a "state" .... always in a lose-lose situation .... nobody would right ??

In recovery, the only reason that I am living right now is bcos GOD found me ..... HE's carrying me ....

<< 2 Corinthians 1:9 >>

Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (NIV)

What rubbish ... but it's true ..... I need mercy !!

Since released from behind bars, my life are progressing nicely.... God has shown me lots of grace, mercy and favours. Things are going good, getting better and each month in recovery brings more material and spiritual gifts.

My wife started to save a little money in the piggy bank. I am still letting her control all the money bcos I just cant handle money. We had a little new small car for me to get ard my job which required me to move around swiftly, and the rebuilding of relationship with my love ones are making good progress.

I started to havve a little self-confidence, and my faith in God Power is growing. Then, something happens....... Unexpected past debtors turn up, my elderst kid chalked up a hefty mobile bill, my love ones started to take me for granted, hurtful remarks and abusive words being spat at me, daily work getting tougher and more stressful, I started to fall sick ... all happening at the same period.

Right away, I felt anger, and felt victimized. “Where’s the justice?” I wailed. I told myself I had enough!!! I have been trying so hard to change for the past 3 years, trying to be a good husband, good father, a good son, a good person ..... why is this still happening to me again and again ???

I was filled with anger and fraustration.... I was sick but no one bothers...... I need a rest but work need to be done as this the critical stage of the year ..... I cant handle my emotions ... I let it out and there's a huge fight at home ....

Worst of it all, after work for the last 2 days, I didn't go home and buried myself in the betting outlet watching the live soccer games till very late and punting away, chasing the highs in my false belief system trying to beat the bookmakers !!! I foolishly, angrily justified my actions...... But inner-self I struggled .... I felt a great sense of guilt of my actions and reali don't know how to cope .... Suddenly I felt so depressed and hopeless again .... I wanted to seek sexual thrill but I wasn't gona fall into the trap of the devil ...... Lossing my 2 days pay is really very damaging .....

I finally pick up the phone, met a recovery friend and had a chat ..... After that I prayed to God, asking for mercy again ...... Then I take a look back on my own behavior, I found that I’ve been guilty of doing what’s just been done to me. I realize I wouldn’t really want justice—not for myself , and not for others. What I want now and needed now is mercy. I thank my loving God for the compassion I’ve been shown, and I took take some time to appreciate all the precious gifts that recovery brings.

I went back home, humbling ask for forgiveness, confess my actions and pass the remaining money to my wife again. I went to my eldest kid room, and said "Daddy is sorry" ......

I am still learning ... I am still in the process of change .... I notice once I think I am in control again, the devil of the disease of addiction always there to take control again..... so powerful, so cunning, so blaffing......... I am powerless over my life, my addiction, people, places and things around me. I have to let go of all control and let God.