.... Suddenly I realised .... it seems to be an awakening .....
Now ..... in any incident that happens, especially at home, at work or with your love ones .... be it a quarrel, a fight, any form of arguement or confrontation, regardless of what the outcome is .... I am always the bad guy .... I am always at a lose-lose situation .....
Is this self-pity ???? I guess not ....
God has a great sense of humor .... There is always something to learn from in times of troubles. Sadly to say, addict like me, can only be transformed under deep rock bottom troubles ......
Just give an anology .... A incident sparks a fight at home ... I was wrongly accused and abused so I was again in the defense mood and I fought back. In a rage of fire, I forgot about mercy again .... The sparks turn into fire .... major acident happened at home, someone got hurt not by me .... police came ..... no matter what's the outcome is ..... guess what ... all the arrow wld still be pointing against me ..... rite ??
So right from the beginning, why react ??? why be angry if I know that no matter what happen, at the end of the day, I am still at a lose-lose situation .....
Just take a look at the extend of the damages that gambling addiction has caused to my life and my family ......
Regret ??? ...... Don't know how to answer ... I have never asked to be a gambling addict .... I wouldn't be one if I know I am ending up as such a "state" .... always in a lose-lose situation .... nobody would right ??
In recovery, the only reason that I am living right now is bcos GOD found me ..... HE's carrying me ....
Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. (NIV)
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