~~ My Inner Voice Speaks to Mi ~~

I am told to keep things simple in recovery..... I always share with recovery people or many times people who faces problems in their life but they are not addicts

-- keep things simple, focus on one thing at a time, one day at a time. Simple things that we can do within our ability.....

..... however when things are simple, I started to feel bored and monotonous, making things difficult for myself .... eventhough I had such awareness, I built enough safety net, knowing that I wld fall into yet another trap... I didn't stop myself ..

YOU know what's the excuse....

"there is no damages done, no destructive to my curreent life, but I like that thrill and excitment of doing things secretly and if my luck is good, there's more reward"

SICK ..... DISGUSTED

I really do desire for some Excitments, Highs .... Sediation, Thrills ...... I tried to replace with simple things ... they didn't work for me ... but they keep me safe

What's wrong with me ?? Why just can't I constantly keep things simple and go with the flow ..... why am I still not happy... Im grateful to what's happening to me today. BUT I am not happy.... Then I started to realise the beauty of 1day @ a time ... This is how I managed my recovery and make progress for the past 36months..

When things got complicated, I always play it down and keep it simple ...focusing on things I could do ... just for today... it works but it doesn't mean I am not happy..... still I am very grateful

But when people ask me what's makes you happy then ?? Or sometimes I asked myself this simple questions ....... before I cld answer those questions,

Oh no ... I felt totally disgusted, shameful with my own answers .... sometimes even angry and pekchek too!!!

My life today is built on the foundation of my recovery, my recovery principles.

I know it will take a long time. Those things are are embedded in my mind, in my false belief systems will take a long time and required my conscious effort to remove them and replace them with the healthy ones ..... It may not work, it may not make me happy, high, excited or thrill BUT it will definitely keep me safe, so I could keep my family safely intact in my recovery.

Staying Grateful keep me sane, safe and serene maybe just for toay ......

But My life is just 1day@atime

God, Thank you.