Casino and Exclusion Order

I am indeed grateful for the 3rd party exclusion order as I am a undischarged bankrupt in Singapore. Why leh ??? ... less struggle for me ... honesty, in the back of my mind, I still have reservations on my gambling behaviour .... Can I ever be a controlled and social gambler again ?? enjoy my games ....

I think I have the answer, but I still not able to let it go and give it up totally ..... I still have not made that decision that this is not my game.... Why Bennie ... alot of people ask me ???

I doubt they would understand it ever when I try to explain .... Once gambling is being removed from my life, especially soccer betting, there's such a huge void that I find it hard to replace. I tried and still trying .... To me addiction is just the tip of the iceberg .. maybe 15% .. the rest of the underwater level ice is 85 % - my behaviour which includes my denial, false belief system, shame, guilt, anger ......

There's so much to change and I can't change it overnight and surely not after 38 months in my recovery journey .... There's so much to struggle in real life, meeting life on life term. My tuition income is not stable, I am the only sole bread winner, both my wife and me need long term medical treatment, I have 3 young schooling kids ..... everynow and then so many unexpected expenses or expenses that can't be ignored ..... when such stress arises .... MY MIND is always on the QUICK-FIX solution. How nice if I could just go in the casino and make a killing ... how nice if I hv bet on the game which i have predicted correctly yesterday.

Recently one friend of mine has been sharing his casino adventure with me... justifying and rationalisng his gambling behaviour .... he siad "bennie, it's so easy ..... I am 100% after 1 week in the casino. I was patient, I wasn't chasing and I managed to make 3 months of my salary in 1 week ...." I think I found a winning strategy .... I am gona make it different this time.

Another friend ask me, .. "bennie, I need to pay bookie 5k tonite but I have only 1k, I decided to go to casino and give it a shot..... what you think "..... later he text me and said "bro, it's so easy man!!"

Wow ..... I really don't know how much social problems that casino is going to bring in the years to come . Is there alot going to seek help ?? Too early man!! The gambling addiction cycles go in this way - "WINNING - CHASE - LOSING - CHASE - BORROW - LIES - CHASE AGAIN ... till you reach DESPARATION ..... then STILL continue to fight till ROCK BOTTOM ...."

AND this progressive illness took me years to reach ROCK BOTTOM before I seek help ... when I came out of bottom .... I am still not convinced that I cannot be a better, controlled gambler ... an I still struggling to stay away from destructive gambling, placing so many safety nets around me to ensure I don't go back."

I could have lost all my money, career .....

But I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to lose my self respect. I surely don't want to lose my family, my wife and my kids ....

For me, the only requirement is my desire to stop destructive gambling by being Honest all the time with my behaviour and gambling reservations, Open-minded to people places and things, and Willing to continue treatment, attending support groups and reaching out to other problem gamblers.

Gambling addiction is a cunning, baffling, powerful, progressive, chronic and relasping disease.

The road to recovery is always under construction, so do it one day at a time. So Easy does it and turn the day over.

I am really grateful for the exclusion order .... if not I would really struggle more everyday with all the overwhelming problem Im facing as I am already struggling to cope with my urges and triggers with the soccer games at sports buzz :) Just bcos I still think I have a systems to analysis the odds and beat the book maker's mind hahaha

Anyway, thank you - Casino Exclusion Order :)