Money Management In Recovery

For a Compulsive Gambler like me, Money is the source of all evil ...... Till today, after 46months in recovery, I still couldn't handle money and I am grateful that my wife is managing it well for me and giving me pocket money on a daily basis.

Sound wired ?? I am a grown up adult, head of family, father of 3 !! Why can't I handle money ? I tried. But always ending up placing bets with the little extra money I had. It's proven. When I lost this extra money, I felt so guilty and wanted to chase the next bet again and the cycle will always continue.

SO I CAN'T !!! Because I am a Gambling Addict. I need to keep myself safe and my family safe.

So how do I manage my money ?? Here are some suggestions which was what I did in recovery which you could consider too.

1. Take responsibility for my financial situation.

- - Contact a credit counselling service, a bankruptcy trustee, and/or make a "proposal to the creditors" and pledge to repay a portion of your outstanding debt. This will not only help with your finances, it will help re-build your self-esteem. But plan repayment with realistic expectation and consideration must be putting the family needs on the top of priority. Always Feed family first.

- - Loanshark / bookie repayments ?? please think. You have the answer.

- - Too overwhelming debts like mine, $680k, legal and illegal, there's no way I could offer any form of repayment since I was discharged from my previous employment. Bankrupt is the only option for me.

- - Keep a financial inventory of your daily expenses.

2. Don’t try gambling again as a way to solve your financial troubles.

- - Get sober up and sane first, then find a job if unemployed. Start to earn proper money and feed your family with proper money. Re-adjust, Live simple and within means. Gambling is always my quick fix solution. Whenever, I have financial troubles, my mind is always to pick the next right game.

- - Don't think of gambling to pay the next bill. I have fallen to this trap many times. It's a lame excuse to go back gambling again.

3. Get a part-time job if necessary.

- - This will occupy your free-time and help keep you from looking for a ‘quick fix’. It may be tough, but in the long run will help with your financial situation and make you feel better.

- - For me, when I have no tuition assignments during the school holiday, I will go get a part-time job to keep me occupied and earn some money for home. If not, I will be looking and searching for the next sure win bet. My mind has already started wondering away especially now it's ending of school term.

4. Put someone else you trust in charge of your money 

- - Let your next  significant person in your life to handle your $, your ATM or credit cards, at least for a period of time, or destroy them completely. Take daily pocket money.

5. Protect your assets by transferring their titles to your spouse or partner’s name.

6. Limit the amount of cash you have access to by:

- - Having wages automatically deposited into your bank account. Transfer to your spouse

- - Destroying ATM cards or personal cheque-books

- - Setting up bank accounts that require two signatures for withdrawals, rather than just your own

- - Setting up daily cash withdrawal limits

- - Paying bills electronically, not in cash

7. Seek professional help for your problem gambling ....

Hope you find these suggestions useful and helpful. Give it a try. Take it one day at a time. Let go of your ego .... it's much easier ....

Living in the Present

The present moment is all that I have. Everyday is a bonus as life is not in my hand. I don't know when the time is up for me, neither do I know what will happen the next day when I wake up. No matter what happen in the past, what happen now, what may happen in the future, the sun will still rise in the east and will still set in the west. Earth will still rotates around it's orbit, life will still carry on.

I can't change my past, I am afraid of the uncertainty in the future. I only have the "present" moment. 

Everyday in recovery, I will tell myself "Let's move on".

I may have let go of the pain, shame and guilt caused by my destructive gambling .... it take time to heal ....

I may have plans and goals ... but I am afraid of my plans and goals .... 

I may have a vision for tomorrow ... but the vision is not that clear ....

But NOW is the only time I possess. And I have to constantly tell myself it's enough for this moment. On a daily basis, I try to clear my mind of the residue of yesterday, clear my mind of the fear of tomorrow. I will make myself available to this present moment, just as I share with you my emo on this blog at this present moment. After which I will focus in spending time with my son, preparing for his psle science paper tomorrow.  

My mind was clouded with thoughts earlier and for the past weeks. I was in the addictive mode again. I was doing the chasing again .... all because I was afraid, fearful for what is coming in Nov and Dec which I have to rest, and start regret the past yet again... 

"HAVE NO FEAR, CHILD" ... a gentle voice whispers. Have no regrets. Let go the resentments. Trust the present moment as it has it's purpose. It is by being fully present now that I will reach the fullest of tomorrow. All I have is the present moment. I have to learn to TRUST ..... but at times I wonder ... trust what, trust who ?

But I have have is NOW .... And I have to tell myself it is enough. I will affirm that all is well around me when all is well within in. No matter what problems I faced, they are part of life, so are solutions!! Everyone have problems to work through.

In recovery, I learn to face, focus and solve only today's problem. I won't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problem.