Living in the Present

The present moment is all that I have. Everyday is a bonus as life is not in my hand. I don't know when the time is up for me, neither do I know what will happen the next day when I wake up. No matter what happen in the past, what happen now, what may happen in the future, the sun will still rise in the east and will still set in the west. Earth will still rotates around it's orbit, life will still carry on.

I can't change my past, I am afraid of the uncertainty in the future. I only have the "present" moment. 

Everyday in recovery, I will tell myself "Let's move on".

I may have let go of the pain, shame and guilt caused by my destructive gambling .... it take time to heal ....

I may have plans and goals ... but I am afraid of my plans and goals .... 

I may have a vision for tomorrow ... but the vision is not that clear ....

But NOW is the only time I possess. And I have to constantly tell myself it's enough for this moment. On a daily basis, I try to clear my mind of the residue of yesterday, clear my mind of the fear of tomorrow. I will make myself available to this present moment, just as I share with you my emo on this blog at this present moment. After which I will focus in spending time with my son, preparing for his psle science paper tomorrow.  

My mind was clouded with thoughts earlier and for the past weeks. I was in the addictive mode again. I was doing the chasing again .... all because I was afraid, fearful for what is coming in Nov and Dec which I have to rest, and start regret the past yet again... 

"HAVE NO FEAR, CHILD" ... a gentle voice whispers. Have no regrets. Let go the resentments. Trust the present moment as it has it's purpose. It is by being fully present now that I will reach the fullest of tomorrow. All I have is the present moment. I have to learn to TRUST ..... but at times I wonder ... trust what, trust who ?

But I have have is NOW .... And I have to tell myself it is enough. I will affirm that all is well around me when all is well within in. No matter what problems I faced, they are part of life, so are solutions!! Everyone have problems to work through.

In recovery, I learn to face, focus and solve only today's problem. I won't worry needlessly about tomorrow's problem.