So what if You are CLEAN after 23 years .....

Hi ....

This is my first post in year 2014 ...... Have not been wanting to write for a long time till I saw post on the news couple of  days ago ...

Actually i didn't think much about as this ...  But when I understand he was a drug addict and was clean for 23 years , still attending meetings .... I was then taken aback .....

Many recovering communities (A.A, N.A) around the world was talking about it .... and many was frighten by the fact that after being clean for 23 years ..... HE WAS ON IT AGAIN ...

ONE OF THE HEADLINE of the TODAY 's paper in Singapore read

"Actor Mr.Hoffman's death frightens others recovering from addiction"

Part of the article states ...

"Mr.Hoffman ws as clean for 23years... Attended meetings ... He seemed to be an ideal role model when he was sober.......after bring clean for 23 years....he died from an apparent overdose of heroin...."

The cruel fact about this = = is that it apply to kinds of addictions..... Not only just the alcoholic and drug addicts..
Gambling addicts like us too...

The kind of temptations that we faced daily in our lives today is unbelievable ...

so is it a good excuse or is it just normal that "relapses" happens  ??

At certain stage of my recovering ard 3years ago.... I did ask myself such a question too...
What do i have to do to avoid such a situation .....

Many after clean for many many years ... relapsed and never get back up...
Some ended their life .... due to many reasons such as stress, guilt, shame, overwhelming debts, pressure from the family and society ... 

PERHAPS you have heard alot from the professionals, the experts .... and in the meeting room..

here's something from someone ... that's me who have been struggling with my new life since started recovery 7 years ago..

I WAS REALLY STRUGGLING THEN  ...... One respectable master told me ..
"Bennie, you need only to change one thing ... THAT's YOU !!"

Keep things simple ..... keep your life simple 

HOW ???

Begin by taking the first step..... and the first step for me to change is NOT to be angry.

many of you like me .... can't be happy after we stop using or gambling ..... so in order to start to feel happy again .... begin by not being angry with people places and things ...

The more anger that I kept inside .... The  more likely I wld want to go back to my addiction again ...

Taking the first step is never easy ... 

We can never change the people around us ... no matter how many clean years we have or how long we have stop using...... The amount of hurt, pain and harm we have caused them, will not go away just becos I HAVE STOP USING OR I HAVE STOP GAMBLING ..... 

Then how can I manage my expectation better during my recovery .... this is critical as it defines how I will react during those very emotional times...

KEEP THESE 2 IN MY MIND ALWAYS .... 

 \

And Im being told to remember the law of KARMA ... I cannot change the past ... but I can make a difference to my future with my actions now .

What if I fall and slip again ........ GET UP instead of crying and sulking ..... don't let it become destructive .... stop the fire before it starts burning wildly...


Recovery 
.... is not about how many fights i win ....
.... is not about how many people i have proven .... is not about how long I have clean ...

IT IS ABOUT PICKING MYSELF UP AGAIN EACH TIME I FAILED ...

Dear All ..

TO ALL RECOVERING ADDICTS LIKE ME....



IF YOU FALL..GET BACK UP ON YOUR FEET..GET BACK TO MEETING..GET HELP AGAIN...
IT'S OK.

If something just didn't go your way ... people, job, things,  .... 
don't give up .... keep the faith and keep trying why ....

RECOVERING IS A JOURNEY....


WE SEEK PROGRESS...

NOT PERFECTION...

THERE CAN BE NEVER BE PERFECTION

But Bennie, what if life keep giving you SHIT !!!! I won't be able to take it all the time ....

This is exactly my reflection for year 2013 ... FULL of shit in my life .....

Hope you guys enjoying reading this ..... and My prospective of RECOVERY ...

IT IS NOT ABT STOP USING OR GAMBLING ....

IT IS ABOUT 
CHANGING MYSELF, 
KEEPING IT SIMPLE

AND DEAL WITH LIFE ON LIFE's TERM ......

IN SUCH A MANNER .... ANY SLIP, FALL, FAILURE, RELAPSE .... 
WON'T BE FATAL AND WILL GIVE US ANOTHER CHANCE IN LIFE .....

NOTHING IS FOR SURE  ........ Keep the faith !!!