Good Man

Today someone said this to me. ...

"Looking at your changes over the years, the way you love and treat everyone around you, I always believe that you are a good man, and seeing the things you do all the time... you are really a good man..."

But now ... I don't think you are a good man anymore!!!  I have my doubts in you.

I smile and walk away.... thinking ...

Ermmm... once upon a time.... i am a good man ... now out of sudden

I am no longer a good man???

Good or Bad??? Who knows.???

All of you can doubt me and judged me based on things you see and feel.....

I totally respect that. But going around and start saying horrible things about me .... things which you made up by your own judgement and that are not true.... Hahahaha Seriously .....

But I can look myself into the mirror and tell myself this.... I am a Good Man.

YNWA

Something that I always keep close to my heart ..... YNWA

LFC is my team ...since 1978.

YNWA is my theme in my recovery journey .

In spiritual faith, when higher power allows things to happen..... means things must happen this way, and there must be something that i must learn through things that happened ...

Things happened.... it can be a lesson which is a blessing OR a blessing which can be a lesson too.

Good Or Bad ... who knows???

Let those with No Sins throw the first stone At Me!!!

At the end of the day, when i leave this world, Karma will be waiting for me.

Even now, i will get what I deserved.

NO MORE NO LESS.

But i know deep inside my heart, LFc, and i know I will never walk alone .....

And let me share this with you from my heart if you are struggling in the deep end .....

YNWA !!!!  

Beginning of 2018

Life is still full of shit .....

Simply bcos I am getting myself into more shit !!!!

I am free to choose ... but I am not free from the consequences of my choice and the decision that I have made.

Did I just fucked myself up again ..... A Question that I have bee asking myself for the past 1 month.

Honestly I have no answer.

Alot of question arising...... why why why why why why .......

I have no answer.

And when I have no answer .... Guess what ..... I am fucked for Sure.

Heading into the Eve of the Lunar Chinese New Year, And I am not sure whether I wld still be ard tml and for how long I can still hang ard .....

Don't Know how to explain situation ... and I guess, no one will be interested to hear me as well.

I am not a bastard .....

I am not a predator .....

I am not a badie .....

I am not a heartless person .....

I am not a ungrateful person .....

I am not a mad person .....


Who will listen ....... Who knows the truth ........ Only I know the truth.

No matter how many time I say ...  "I am really SORRY" ..... no one will ever accept my apologies

What I have done ..... it doesn't matter anymore ..... I am wasted .

From now on, year 2018 onward

ONE THING FOR SURE NOW ......... I AM Absolutely Disqualified !!! All the past 11 years of good hard work all been removed and no one will remember the good about me anymore.