WHY GAMBLING ADDICT CAN'T STOP

This is a post which I done in 2008 when I was two years in my recovery journey ...

I did a inventory of myself, in situations during my active and destructive gambling days ...

"WHY I SIMPLY CANNOT STOP GAMBLING ...... "

Why should I stop ?

I am just out of luck, suay and out of bullets at the moment.

I win before and I have a system that works.

I will rest for now, fine tune my system and once I gather my bullets, I will try win back everything. 
I will follow strictly the rules I set for myself.

hahaha this tune is constantly playing in my mind even after 7 years in recovery. 
This music kept playing over and over again during my years of destructive gambling, especially after each bailout of my debts.

NOW THIS IS A REAL HAPPENING >>>

Recalling, one desperate Sunday night in 2006, when I was left with $500 bucks in my on-line betting account, I need to make a repayment of more that $40k worth of debts on the next day......

I kneel down infront of my Higher Power, get joss sticks burnt my own hands and swear infront of my higher power, if you help me overturn my losses tonight, I will never gamble again !!

Then I started tossing 2 coins to get HIS indication for the 5 LA LIGA games I selected and of course I won !! Won big in the parley bet. $64K in all.

But did I stop ...... Need to guess ??

Insanity right !! That's a Gambling Addict in Denial ....

Many gamblers would have said .... "I would have stop if I were in your shoes"

YES, i agreed. If you are not a gambling addict ...

There is alot of different , and in the field of addiction, there is many different type of gamblers

1) Professional Gamblers (which is one I aspired to be !!! HaHa)
2) Social Gamblers
3) Recreational Gamblers
4) Anti-Social Gamblers
5) Escape Gamblers
6) Problem Gamblers
7) Pathological Gamblers (Gambling Addict - - ME !!)

However, to many .... all these are bullshits ....

Gamblers are simply GREEDY and has no MORAL VALUES .....
（贪念，不脚踏实地， 想一步登天！！）


Now here is the list of inventory that I did back then .... "why I can't stop"

1) No Desire to Stop, still in the winning-chasing-losing-bailout cycle ....

2) No need to stop .... there's still bailout available .... there's still enablers ...

3) Why stop ....There's chance to fight back everyday ..... stop means “die” to most gambling addict

4) Cashless punting with illegal bookie and readily available loan-sharks has made it more attractive for addict to continue chasing losses. There are chances and opportunities for me to fight back each day. Even legal betting are catching up with times !! How to stop ??

5) A master of manipulation and great constructor of wonderful “stories” which often allows addict to obtain the desired bail-out.... rest and fight back again .... must pay back money quickly .....

6) GAMBLING IS THE ONLY SOLUTION TO MY PROBLEMS ...... quickest way to solve my problems .. I have done it before ..

7) I Love my game ... why should I stop ... maybe i just rest for a while .... I can control myself ....

8) Fear ...... Want to stop but Afraid to stop ..... do want to lose everything ... the will to fight back has been reinforce over the years ..... 

9) Surrender never on the cards .... Acceptance of “I'm a Loser in the game” not possible .. I DONE IT BEFORE !!

10) Previous Big Wins stills ringing bells in the memory ..... it will happen again, bcos it happened before ....

11) It can't be ...... I won't keep losing forever ..... It will come ..... Maybe the next time ....

12) False belief in “Luck cycle” ... Luck cycle goes up and down... It will go up again ...

13) The false dreams of huge win, restoring one's status and hoping to prove a point to prove to others that we are ok and can be a control gambler

14) One more try and I will stop (if I hit the jackpot) ........

15) Gambling has become one's best pal and companion ..... gambling addict goes into the trance state, being controlled by the addict within .... The relationship which addict had with this addictive personality has since developed into as intense and intimate relationship.

16) Gambling Addict just don't have the capacity to be HONEST ..... always never honest with my debts .... always hid some amount to protect my own ego and continue to fight back to clear it myself ...

17) Don't wanna to lose face .... in Asian context, especially chinese, "face", pride and ego are huge factors which causes the addict to continue gambling ...

18) Shame factor ... too much to lose if stop ...... too shameful facing the debts, shame and disgrace .....

19) Guilt factor .... leading from shame ... don't want to see famliy "suffer" not realising that family had been suffering for many years during his destructive gambling ...... Would rather fight till the last penny !!

20) The so call "instict" within the gamblers..... it's coming ..... next one .... this should the right moment ... I have this "feel" ...... the insane mind of the addict ....

FOR A GAMBLING ADDICT
Stopping gambling is difficult,
Staying stop is extremely difficult
Facing Reality is painful and stressful
Meeting life on life's term just SUCKS

That's why we need all the help and support we can get ... and also to follow to a possible recovery recipe in our daily routine .....

To break the intimate relationship with one best pal (Gambling) over the years is not a easy task that can happen over night. Recovery is a process of change ....

A Process of unlearning the old - accepting the past - relearning the new - practicing daily

LIVING A DAY AT A TIME

Talk is always easy ....... 

so my dear friends .... stop talking about recovery and what you will do ...

JUST DO IT !!