I didn't go back to full destructive gambling .... but the mind and emotion was already there and I was on the verge of going back .... the thoughts were so real, so frightening and scary.
Thank God that I am in recovery, and I decided to call it quit for the moment but I still cannot accept that "this is not my game anymore".... It's a real struggle. A struggle for life. I spoke to my wife and Thank God she was supportive and understanding.
Many ask .. What is addiction .... Here's the answer from "itself" - Addiction
I Am Addiction
I start in small subtle ways promising many things
I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams,
I deliver guilt & despair more horrible than your worst nightmare,
I promise you power & courage,I give you feelings of powerlessness & hopelessness,
I will force you to live in fear always,
I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems,
I create for you greater problems than you ever imagined,
I promise you many friends, I allow you only isolation,
I promise happiness, I create much sorrow,
I will steal from you your dignity ,your families, your friends, your children, your homes, your demons, your spirit & your life, for love, freedom & happiness are impossible to find in my presence, So never underestimate me,
I am devious & manipulating, I have no preferences as to who I pick as my victim, rich or poor, young or old, black, white, yellow or red.
I have killed men, women & children, I have no conscience. So if you have met me, always be aware if you think you can beat me that I will be gone from your life and all will go well again.
Never forget that I will always be there, waiting in the dark shadows just around the corner.
I am very patient and I will laugh in your face if I can lure you into my evil world of hell on earth once again.
I Am Addiction
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