Title of Book: The Addictive Personality (2nd edition)
Author: Craig Nakken
I love this book as it puts me on a spiritual journey of self-discovery ... It helps me with acceptance and surrender fully for treatment. At the same time, a new level of self awareness of my disease of gmabling addiction. Recovery is not just about gambling and stopping gambling.
Here's what I wrote about the book and basically some of my thoughts as a gambling addict ...
Understanding the Addictive Process and Compulsive Behaviors
- - Craig Nakken book has indeed given me the “therapeutic” moment in reading this book which allows me to better understand the process of addiction which started in me at the age of 7 and how it had developed into an addictive personality that “lived” within me as I grew up and move on in life. The relationship which I had with this addictive personality had since developed into an intense and intimate relationship. It has allowed me to alter my mood changes as and when I need to achieve the sense of fulfillment which I needed. The author has gone beyond the former definition of addictions, which focus on the same common denominator of all addictions, such as different highs (arousal and satiation), tolerance and withdrawal, guilt and shame.
Addiction as a Process
- - Before I come into recovery, I have always felt that the description of a gambling addict is a moral weakness, lack of discipline / will power and self-inflicted problem. Coming into recovery, it took me some time to accept that it’s a chronic disease, which is progressive in natural, and it includes spiritual illness.
However, the author has captured and describes this illness in his own unique and profound way – Addiction can be viewed as an attempt to control the uncontrollable cycles in life to achieve a deep desire to feel happy and find serenity.
For addicts, we use a particular substance/object/event to produce this mood change, (for me is gambling) going through a state of intoxication or the trance state. Addicts manipulate people, places and things for the own sensual pleasures and fulfillment. (for gambling addict like me, to get money to continue gambling, chasing my losses, seeking my bailout after each big losses)
This addictive relationship becomes attractive and seductive as it works every time. The author also makes me realize that the addict does not chase the event or substance/object but what it’s emotionally comes to represent – a symbol of fulfillment. He also focus on the few common denominators of addiction such as the different highs (arousal and satiation), trance state of addiction, the acting out, avoidance and emotional illusion. The most interesting illustration is how this “pathological” love and trust relationship with our object/substance and event progresses and develops in an addict’s life
The 3 Stages of Addiction
- - The author made known that Addiction is continually changing. As it changes, it inflicts changes on the person suffering from addiction in the following stages – addictive process / journey
• Stage 1 – Internal Changes
• Stage 2 – Lifestyle Changes
• Stage 3 – Life Breakdown
As I was struggling with issues when my addictive behavior started, the author's description of the internal changes within oneself was the answers to my struggles. In fact long before anyone suspects there is a problem many changes will have taken place deep within the addict where the addiction has permanently alter his/her personality.
With the stages of changes explained by the author, I then realized that why recovery is so painful and difficult – as the addict developed the trusted intimate relationship with his/her substance or event of choice, he/she has abandoned the natural relationships in life which provided support, nurturing, guidance, love, emotional and spiritual growth. These natural relationships include family and friends, spiritual higher power, self and community.
As the addictive cycle progress and develops, the addictive personality gain and took controlled of the addict. As the behavioral / substance dependency starts to develop, the addict acts out in ritualistic manners to attain the false sense of control and the required mood changes. The lifestyle and the behaviors of the addict thus changes and this will eventually leads to the addiction “being out of control” and spiritual deadening deepens and then life breaks down where the addict will be at the rock bottom.
Why Recovery
- - Addicts cannot break the addictive process alone. They will be stuck in downward spiral of hopelessness, despair, fear and isolation. There’s only pain and continued acting out.
Total recovery can only takes place when the recovering person can acknowledge and accept the fact that it’s the addictive relationship inside oneself that the addict needs to break and not just with the relationship with the object/substance, in my case, gambling.
The process of renewal then starts with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness. The author states that in recovery, the addict needs loving, helpful friends, understanding family and the 12th step program. However, in our Singapore Community, once you caused such great damages and inflicted so much pain to your family and friends ..... you would find most of these ingredients for recovery are usually not available during your entrance to recovery. Thus the spiritual divine of a loving higher power is essential in our contexts of recovery. To me, this loving higher power can be found within our recovery support group. A fellowship of man and woman on the same boat who understand and accept you, love you.
The author's explanation of the 3 personalities (pleasure-centered, power-centered and meaning centered) in recovery highlighted that spiritual discipline is not an option but a necessity in recovery. He also highlighted that the beauty and joy of recovery is found in relationships, and that total abstinence is a must for recovery. Gradually, as we work our recovery, addicts learn the difference between shame and guilt, and could start to correct the mistakes by taking responsibilities in recovery and making proper amends. New healthy rituals will need to be developed.
Family and Addiction
- - The author summarized the generic factors involved in a family of an addict and also growing up with parents suffering from addictions. He explained how codependents cope and deal with problems based on addictive logic as well as the false belief of the illusion that they can escape or stop the pain if they can get the addict to stop acting out. The emotional level within a family affected by addiction shifts on a daily basis. The inconsistency in an addictive family makes its members especially children unsafe and unsecured. Thus they too, look for distractions or ways to numb the problems.
After Thoughts
- - This book has indeed broaden my mind about the depth and dimension of my chronic illness of addiction and at the same, help me to understand how cunning, baffling and powerful this disease of addiction had been for me during my active addiction days as well as in my recovery.
Now I know that total recovery can only take place when I have indeed acknowledge and accepted that it’s the addictive relationship inside me that I need to break in recovery, and not just the relationship with my drug/event/activity of my choice.
“Fooling people is serious business, but when you fool yourself, it becomes fatal.”
In working my recovery, the understanding and awareness of my own addictive personality, developing my spiritual faith/foundation, I could slowly re-established my lost relationships, my lost self, and live a full life of recovery and abstinence.
As written in the scriptures,
“I give you life. I give you death. Choose life.”
This is what recovery from addiction is all about - -
CHOOSING LIFE!
If you are a gambling addict, this book is certaintly worth an investment ..... Go get it. God Bless
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