In the journey of problem gamblers .... we would only seek help after we HIT ROCK BOTTOM .
BUT for each problem gambler, each ROCK BOTTOM VARIES
As in my story, it took me many many years to HIT that extremely rock bottom, and wanting to seek help.
WHY ? here is a slide that I use in one of my presentation to tell you why
F.B.S = False Belief System
That's why many view us (problem gamblers) as incorrigible, bxxtard, shameless etc etc
Even till date, no one really see us having a disease of addiction and understand the fact that it can never be cured, but can be arrested and keep under control ...
But whenever i mentioned this, here's the reply
"BULL SHIT", you are just pure greedy with poor morale values and always wanting easy way out of life !!!
So, for those considering to seek help ....
ESP those who have hidden this disease of addiction so well that no one has yet to found out .....Those was has been living on lies after lies ...
It is not a Easy Decision ....
No one has really shown what's there in recovery and what are the issues that we are struggling with ....
Here I am to share with you what actually happen when I decided to surrender and wanting the seek help ...
The actual reality in life I have to face then
Without proper understanding of gambling addiction and a proper support system in place during recovery, it is extremely depressing and even suicidal for the problem gamblers ....
How I felt then ..... this following slide summarized it all
How to continue life like this ..... ???
Talk is easy .... unless you have been there .....
That is why i started this blog seven years ago, to start writing my recovery journey ... to share all the struggles, the pain and most importantly the positive side of recovery ... rebuilding relationships and my rebuilding my own family, learning to love them again.
So what is the initial journey like for me ...
Now walking into the seventh year of my recovery, I am still learning to live life on life's term, changing myself and rebuilding my family ...
DO I STILL BET ..... of course YES. (4d and toto)
Disappointed to hear that ?? it's ok with me ...
Even if I say NO ... NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME ANYWAY
Once I came forward, I have already being judged !!! So no point explaining .....
The fact that till today my family is still by my side, my lovely wife and children still adores and loves me greatly after what i did in the past, speaks volume of the effort i put in to change myself and arrest my gambling addiction over the past seven years !!
The road of recovery is a painful journey ... is always under construction and may not be able to complete in this life time ..
BUT trust me, you will definitely enjoy this new journey, with your love ones by your side, sharing with you the pain and also the JOY, the warmth, the laughter as well as the tears ....
One day at a time, slowly but surely !!!
Start your Recovery Journey Today before your own spider web gets bigger and more complicated like mine.
17 comments:
The issues involving gambling has been a popular topic amongst scholars for many years. Advancments in gambling can be linked to many areas. Though gambling is a favourite topic of discussion amongst monarchs, presidents and dictators, gambling is not given the credit if deserves for inspiring many of the worlds famous painters.
Frankly speaking, small punts on Toto maybe, just maybe got a chance to bring back our dignity.
"got buy got hope"
Haha .. can never get this off my mind ....
No matter how capable I am, No matter how high my qualification is, No matter how colourful my CV is ..
Once I filled up any job application
1) Criminal Record? - YES
2) Mental Patient? - YES
3) Undischarge Bankrupt? - YES
I have already being JUDGED!!
Who will give me a post that matches my ability and capabilities.
so time back, I thought I was the BEST MAN to run the NCPG out reach program as the Outreach Manager. THEY invited me for the interview .... went to the last round with the DIRECTOR of xxxxx ... OF COURSE I didn't get the job ... then that's fine
One week later, another person without any experience and knowledge on problem gambling who got the job CALLED ME and told me that NCPG ask him to call me and learn from me some ideas of running outreach program and find out more about problem gambling!!
AMAZING RIGHT ...
THIS IS HOW CRUEL OUR SOCIETY...
FOR THOSE SEEKING HELP ...
"WE CANNOT CHANGE THE SOCIETY AND HOW PEOPLE LOOK AT US !!!
NO ONE WILL GIVE US A CHANGE IF WE CANNOT GIVE OURSELVES A CHANCE!!!
A CHANCE TO CHANGE ... !!!
DIGNITY will be backed with us when we CHANGE .... when we better person.
People around us may still see us the way we will even if we make it BIG AGAIN .... THEY MAY "SEE HOW LONG CAN HE LAST ... "
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN to how people look at me anymore ....
Most importantly my family still by my side, my wife and my kids still loving me and adoring me!!!
THE REST IS NOT IMPORTANT....
Fxxk the society ....
RECOVERY IS NOT FOR THEM ...
RECOVERY IS FOR US AND OUR LOVE ONES ....
Thank u for ur advice.
You should stop gambling totally. My dad was addictive gambler. He quitted for 15yrs. He restart his habit with 4d. From $30 per time to $300 per time. When ran out of cash, and he has strong urge that his numbers will win, he went back to illegal bookies. When cant pay the bookies, he went to loanshark. From $500, it became 60k. He pick up his habit at 65yrs old. At 70yrs old, he has owed loan shark of more than 60k. Funny thing is he doesnt lack anything. All my siblings are professionals. We love him very much and provide him everything. Celebrate father day and birthday every year, brought him on tour every year and have dinner with him everyday. We really believe he has changed.Gambling is like taking drug. No matter what form, addiction will only grow. Everytime u place any bet, you are tempting demon to lure you back to hell. My dad is one gd example. god bless.
One is too Many, Thousand is Never Enough ....
Like many said, perhaps addicts need to go to hell first before they stopped .....
Recovery from addiction is not about stopping ..... it's about changes...
Even if you stop for 30 years ... if nothing changes, NOTHING CHANGES ... once opportunity given, right place, right time, BANG ..... full bloom addictive behavior again.
I can understand why one felt puzzled with the behavior of an addict....
Just like my eldest aunt, 75 years old of age. Being gambling for the majority of her life ... her favourite past time, her social circle of friends,day in day out .. GAMBLING ....
casino, toto, 4d, horse racing, cruise gambling, soccer betting
Just Name it.
Similar situation, all her kids are professionals, well paid job. She has been every material needs that she ever needs. My cousins provided for her well, festive seasons, birthday, Mother's Day, Grandmother's Day etc etc...
But she never stopped gambling...
small bets, big bets, legal, illegal ... debts snowed ball then loansharks ...
Every time Ah Long came knocking, the family would clear her debts .... warned her, threaten her ...
She would then lie low for a while ... weeks, months, years ...
THEN IT HAPPENED QUIETLY AGAIN ...
AH LONG / BOOKIE CAME KNOCKING ..
so same story, same bail out and the story continue ....
Why ?? Why ??
Such good life with everything provided for .... why gamble??
Many problem gamblers would say I BOBIAN then gamble ... if I have everything provided for ... why Should I gamble ..... If I cleared my debts, I WONT GAMBLE AGAIN !!!
REALLY ?? REALLY ??
Many still don't understand the disease of addiction ...
IT CANNOT NEVER BE CURED AND AS ADDICT WE ARE POWERLESS OF OUR ADDICTION ....
HOWEVER IT CAN BE ARRESTED !!!
How ???
first, I repeat,
"IT IS NOT ABOUT STOPPING GAMBLING"
it is about CHANGES TO STAY STOP!!
How do we need to do to help an addict .......
TOUGH ... REALLY TOUGH ..
IT CAN ONLY WORKS IF THE ADDICT WANTED HELP AND REALLY WANTED TO CHANGE ....
What is required from the Addict ?
H = Honesty
O = Open Mindedness
W = Willingness
From my own personal recovery experience ... the following are all needed, in stages, in tandem, in support ...
1) Proper Treatment for Addict
2) Recovery Support Group / Mentor
3) Spiritual Faith
4) Family Treatment with Addict
5) Regular Professional or Spiritual or Family Counselling
6) Changes by Addict
(people, places and things all must change)
7) Changes by Family towards Addict
And Everything is done on a basis of
ONE DAY AT A TIME ... For life ...
The road of recovery is always under construction ...
"STOPPING GAMBLING" IS NOT THE CURE FOR GAMBLING ADDICTION.
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