需要- - - 想要！！！ （Need Or Want)

Recently I had done something which even amazed myself ..... I was caught it a personal battle of thoughts ...



"Do I Really Need It ?? " or "Do I Want to have it ??"

In the past, during my gambling days ... I wouldn't even need to struggle with such thoughts at all. Whatever is being given to me or offered to me, I will just gladly take it with open arms and then justified my "needs" ot "why I take it" with loads of beautiful reasons !!! Exactly the same when I place A BET !!! I have loads of reasons to always justify my next bet .....

Even till today ... Now it seems like the BEST REASON I used to justify when I place my next bet is either

"I am a gambling addict" or

"No harm done, I just buying a HOPE nw. I am not betting like before !!"

Hahaha ..... is it really true ?? There is a still a certain great degree of DENIAL in me. Of course, I need not answer to anyone. I only need to answer to myself. I can lie to the whole world but I wld never lie to myself. I would never want to carry those excess baggages of lies anymore.

DO I WANT TO BET or DO I NEED TO BET ??

Now, back to the incident that lead me to have some thoughts for myself.....

Someone close to me wanted to buy me a laptop .... for the purpose of the work I am doing and helping her .... Initially, I was overwhelmed and delighted as I wanted to have a laptop for a long time. So I gladly accepted it as partly it's work related. So I went around hunting for it and comparing pricing. Once I zoom in to the machine I wanted, I got the money from her and went to it.

However, when I was about to make that payment, there was a huge force opposing me and kept questioning me, "Do you really need it ??" .... it kept haunting me till I back out and walk out of the shop. I ordered a cold drinks, sat down and talk to myself..... What's the problem with me ? Now, I never ask for it, it was offered to me, it's partly work related, why can't I get it ??? BUT the same old questions persist .... DO I NEED IT or is it just purely I WANT IT !!!



After some serious struggle, I then confessed to myself, "I DON't REALLY NEED IT !!!!" No matter what, it's still other people hard earned money and If I doing ok and coping ok without a laptop, then why use the money .... on the other hand, it may start to divert my attention from my daily lifes again .....

I quietly calm myself down. Tell myself it's the right thing to do and return home and told my wife my decision of not getting the laptop. Then my wife asked, " Did you think of using the money to gamble today ?"  hahaha

The next day, I returned the money. Then I felt a sense of joy ..... but somehow as the day went by, in the night, I felt aggitated again .... for watever reasons I'm unclear !!! But I didn't dwell in the thoughts and went to bed early.....

I am indeed amazed with myself and I believed when I return the money and explaining to the person why I decide against buying, I think she wld be amazed too bcos in the past, this won't happen......

So have recovery change me ??? When people ask me, I prefer to leave it to the people close to me to answer this question ....

But do you still place a bet ??? When people ask me this, I prefer to say the truth, yes I do. And I still enjoying it very much especially over  soccer games....

But why do you wana bet ??? hahaha now instead of using my standard answers, I have to start question myself ...

DO I WANT TO BET or DO I NEED TO BET ??

"Another Talk " .... "Your BEST Bet ?? "

Yet another "Talk" being presented to you by the "professional" who talks well. However, you have to place a "BET" of $10 in order to attend the "Talk" ...

Is it YET another "TALK" ONLY ??? .... Every year, same type of FORUM, same type of TALK .... and down the road more talks .... Again the same similar million dollar question I wana ask

1) Other the "TALKS", What can we do really to reach out to the probelm gamblers out there struggling and their family members suffering ?? Is it just "TALKS" and call the "HELP-LINE" ??

When we reach out, what can be done (what can we put in place) to really HELP the problem gamblers and their family members ? Do "they" have a heart to help in the first place ? OR just another job or another pot of gold ?

Does "Someone" who was never a gambler, go thru the "roads" that we gone thru, and by simply, purely done alot of studies about problem gambling, can tell you what's inside the gambler's mind !!!

Anyway here's the details and remember to Buy your $10 ticket ..... like the forum said ..... it may be your best bet !!! Good Luck.

Hopefully one day all these "showman-ship" things will change..... of course only if God is willing ......

Your Best Bet: Problem Gambling Forum 2011

The National Additions Management Service is proud to present "Your Best Bet: Problem Gambling Forum 2011"

Join us at the Problem Gambling Forum 2011 where psychiatrists and certified addictions counsellors talk about when gambling becomes a problem and what goes on inside a gambler’s mind. A recovering gambler will also share his journey to recovery.



DATE:  26 March 2011 (Saturday)

VENUE: 
HDB Hub Auditorium, Basement 1
480 Lorong 6 Toa Payoh, Singapore 310480


TIME: 
9.30am – 12.30pm (English session)
2.30pm – 5.30pm (Mandarin session)

BET:
S$10/person per session (includes refreshments)


Programme information.

1) When Gambling becomes a Problem

2) A Gambling Addict Journey to Recovery

3) Inside the Gambler's Mind

4) 10 Frequently Ask Question about Gambling

A Sad Ending of A Army Officer

Another familiar story .... yet another sad ending ..... This story touches my heart .... how many of such stories have we read and how many of them went untold ....

Just check out what were the comments given in the link below for this report:
http://sg.yfittopostblog.com/2011/02/15/army-captain-turned-loanshark-runner-charged-in-court/#

SAF captain turned loan-shark runner sentenced to jail, caning

By Faris – February 19th, 2011

 

Kheng said that his first visit to the casino at Resorts World Sentosa had got him hooked and in the next few months, his loss exceeded “five figures”.

An army captain was sentenced to 2 years’ jail and twelve strokes of the cane for working as a loan-shark runner to repay his debts.

Kheng Kok Keong, 34, had pleaded guilty on Monday to four charges of harassment for vandalizing the homes of alleged debtors. Seventeen other charges were taken into consideration by the judge in sentencing.

The father of two children revealed that his first visit to the casino at Resorts World Sentosa last year had got him hooked. As such, he made repeated visits. In the next few months, he went on to lose a small fortune exceeding “five figures”.

“I went to the casino to check out the place out of curiosity but things started (to get out of control) from there and I just couldn’t stop,” he told The Straits Times on Thursday. After losing $30,000 at roulette, he turned to unlicensed moneylenders. When he could not repay the loans, he was roped in by a creditor — known only as Ah Seng — to harass other debtors.

His jail term was backdated to Oct 16. He had been held in remand after he was arrested at Block 103, Commonwealth Crescent. That night, he had vandalised an eighth-floor unit. He was caught by his victim when he returned to retrieve a pack of cigarettes he had left behind.

By then, he had been on the “job” for four months. From last June, he had vandalised homes by splashing paint on doors, injecting glue into padlocks and keyholes, and scrawling messages on walls.

Before his run-in with the law, Kheng was working as a logistics officer in the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF), drawing a monthly salary of $5,000. In his 14 years with the army, he had also served as a peacekeeper in Timor Leste. He was sacked after he was charged.

According to court documents, he vandalised 21 flats in September and October last year, mainly in Clementi, Commonwealth Crescent, Redhill and Toa Payoh. Whenever he received an assignment, he would leave his Yishun Avenue 6 flat with his gear of black paint, black permanent marker, superglue and ski mask which he wore to obscure his face.

“Since I borrowed money, and they offered me this option, I just did it,” he said of his decision to be a loan-shark runner. “I wasn’t scared, I just thought that was the only way to repay the amount.”

He earned $2,000 each month for his efforts, all of which went towards paying off his debts.

Before he turned to Ah Seng, he had borrowed smaller sums from friends. But each time, he would go back to the casino hoping to recoup what he had lost. That was how his losses snowballed, he said.

After his arrest, his creditors besieged his flat and threw black paint on the gates, as he had done to his victims. To avoid the harassment, his wife returned to her native Taiwan, taking along their children aged five and seven.

Asked if he regretted his actions, Kheng fell silent. “I have lost contact with her,” he said of his wife. His parents, who were not at the sentencing, had also become estranged from him.

##############################################

The diesease of addiction not only affected people with low education, low income or poor family. It can also affect people who had good education, high education, high income, a well-to-do family too.

Man, woman, young, old, rich, poor ..... It's always only evident as a gambling problem when one start losing .....

The diesease of gambling addiction has no preference ..... it can hit anyone, anytime, winning, losing, chasing etc .... 

IT has no cure but it can be ARRESTED ..... but you can't do it on your own ...

So now even our govt sector people are affected ..... so is it "infectious" ... how bad has it spread ??

Is anyone looking into it ? Is anyone providing help, reaching out to these group of people, helping them to get back on the right track again ? Is all the money we spent on this community project of "Know the Line" working ?? Anyone really evaluating it ???

On the other hand, many gambling addicts kept complaining ... "Is anyone giving us a second chance ......."

To all gambling addicts out there ..

I have a message for you ....

"You have to give yourself a second chance in life first, before  anyone could give you that second chance in life that you need !!! 

In recovery, It works only if you work it !! Take that First Step towards recovery today !! The road of recovery is always under construction and it may not be completed in this life time !!

Another Sad Ending of a Gambling Addict

日期: 21/01/2011 新闻来源: 联合晚报 记者: 意外组 摄影: 饶进礼

烂赌夫坠楼　遗下分居妻女

赌场、感情两失意，汽车销售员疑一时看不开，留遗书叮咛年轻太太好好照顾年幼女儿后，从住家厨房一跃而下，结束了宝贵的生命。

事故发生在昨晚8时左右，地点是兀兰环路第609座组屋。坠楼的汽车销售员是28岁的陈清德。据了解，他和21岁妻子注册结婚两年多，还未行华人婚礼，育有一个一岁多女儿。他已和妻子在一年前分居，妻子带着女儿住在娘家。

死者的父亲（58岁，司机）说，他和妻子（死者的母亲）昨晚8时回家，发现家里凌乱不堪，到处是酒瓶和食物，两人开始收拾，不久，警察上门，他们才知道儿子已坠楼。陈父过后发现儿子在睡房留了遗书，向父母道歉的同时，也要太太和家人好好照顾年幼的小女儿。

 

 

Another Sad Ending chosen by a gambling addict ...... it was reported in the papers that the dad said HE picked up gambling since young starting with soccer betting then eventually go into Casino. Since the Casino open in Singapore, HE signed up as member of the Casino. However, after losing hundred thousands of dollars which the family helped HIM to repay, the family went ahead and applied for the Casino exclusion order.  But this didn't stopped him from gambling. HIS sister said that HE tried several attempts to QUIT gambling but ended up still going back to GAMBLE .....

 

I thought to myself  ...... Even during his rock bottom, This person has never has a chance to meet people like us to help him ... He never knew that there is group that he can go to and get help ..... He never know how to deal with this cunning blaffing and powerful disease of addiction ...... He never knew why he can't stop and why he kept gambling ...

 

 

 He suffered in silence, held hostage by HIS ADDICTION and sank into depression and eventually find it too much for him to take it and decided to call it a day. BUT he just didn't know the pain he left behind ....

 

I REALLY FELT FOR HIM ..... I have been there before and understand how he feel and what's going thru in his mind ..... I bear his pain ..... I feel for his parents, his wife who still loves him and his little princess ....

 

As you could read from the many similar news, If this disease is not arrested, you not only lose money, your love ones and eventually your own life .... It's a very painful disease and even more painful if you need to suffer alone in SILENCE ....

 

Our country has a community program running for the past years to create awareness of problem gambling and kept introducing a HOT-LINE number for problem gamblers to call in and seek help ....

 

Is this effective after spending so much of money on this ...... What abt the treatment at our National Addiction Management Services at NAMS ..... ??  Do they know what kind of help we really need and are they prepare to really help people like us ......

 

What kind of help is there really out there in the community to reach out to people like this MAN whom the paper describe as 烂赌夫 "ROTTEN" ... Many would say, why you can't stop?? It's easy what ?? It's just pure GREEDY and trying to get the easiest way out in life!! HE should have known better ...

 

Are we really "ROTTEN" that means "no hope" for people like us ?? Even when he's gone, he's is being labelled as 烂赌夫 "ROTTEN Gambler" ...

Dear Fellow Gamblers,

You are not alone. COME take our hand; WE are your friend, WE understand. WE've known your guilt, your shame, remorse; WE've borne the burden of your cross. WE have found a friend who offered ease; He suffered, too, with this disease. Although he had no magic cure, He showed me how we could endure. We talk together side by side; We spoke of things we had to hide. We told of sleepless nights and debts, Of broken homes and lies and threats. And so my weary gambler friend, Please take this hand that WE extend. Take one more chance on something new, Another gambler helping you.

I have thought about it for a long time and I believe I can offer more than just sharing in this blog ... So I decided to run my own recovery support group for people like me, who wanted help but yet still struggle to stay away from gambling and facing alot of "shit" when trying to meet life on life's term ....

I have limited capacity BUT if i could just reach out and saved another life, I may be able to save a entire family, like how mine was saved 48months ago. I wanted to share this HOPE with those still suffering out there in silence....

I am in the process and looking for a place to set up this recovery support group and look at long term on how to substain running the group. Meanwhile, I will just pray that there will not be any similar SAD ENDING of another gambler ......

GOD if you are willing, help me please......

Something to Share .....

Happy New Year. Wishing all my fellowship and those who happen to read this blog a Blessed, Healthy and Peaceful 2011.

My 1st post in 2011 ..... it's a beginning of a fresh new challenging year and I was hoping for a peaceful and good start to the new 2011.  YET, it's still the same story with many same similar "problems" and "shits" ..... my good buddy Mike, spoke to me, " bro, why everytime same old story and when are you able to clear all these shits ? "

This always sound fimilar during my destructive gambling days ... but now, when no more destructive gambling and face life on life's term, the same old question being thrown at me again ...

hahaha so after all, it's not abt gambling .... it's abt me and how I meet the terms of my life ..... 

But this morning, I met a wise old man who share this with me .... it got me into thinking and giving me a spiritual awakening too ... so I thought perhaps I could write this down to share with you all and perhaps to serve as a constant reminder to me ....

As I was sharing my old "broken record" and my life TV SOAPS with this wise person, he listen attentively, gave me his total attention and making feel important .... then when I came comletely to a stop, he smile and look at him and spoke ...

"Sir, a problem is something with a solution. Since you said there's no solution at this time to the problems that you have mentioned, then, therefore it can't be a problem. How much time have you wasted in your live worrying about things that, at the time, have no solution, so aren't a problem ?"

He continued sharing, with a warm gentle smile on his face, so compassionate making me feel so comfortable listening ...

"Even when it's a problem with solution, it will still require you to make a decision. If you have to make a decision, but you are unsure about the what the decision should be, then you should take a break nad wait. Every solution has it's own destination. If that destination suits you, then take that solution. If not, you wait. There's always another solution coming behind. A good one will always comes, as long as you have the patient to wait. And it usually arrives when you least expected it, and when you are not even thinking about it"

He paused for a while, still with a gentle smile on his face. I thought he maybe looking for my respond so I smile back and gave him a nod of my head, keeing silence and awaiting for him to cont'. He then cont' to share with me a story ....


"A good strong young man, a good swimmer was enjoying a swim in the sea near a beach (not knowing it was a dangerous beach bcos of it's fierce currents. Suddenly he was caught in a strong riptide that began to sweep him out to the sea. At first, he started and tried very hard to swi, against the current as he was drifting away from the shore ...... he struggled and fight , then he realised that the force of the current was too strong for him. He then relaxed, let go and went with the flow, letting the current carrying him. After a while, the current diminished and ONLY then di he start swimming back to the shore using every bit of his reserved energy, giving everything he got. He eventually got back to the shore, totally exhausted. BUT he was very certained that if he would continue to fight the current, he would been beaten and wouldn't have made it back."

"Just like your sea of life ..... when the "current" is stronger than you, that is the time to let go and go with the flow. When you are able to be effective and do something, that is the time to put effort and give your everything"

I ask him, "how do i know there's really nothing esle that I can do ? "

He replied, "If you done the best of your ability, if you have tired, you can't think of anything else, then there's nothing else you can do .... so don't do anything, and go enjoy a cup of tea" hahaha as he started laughing ...

"Sir, Life is like those long running TV SOAPS, which many doesn't have neat ending. Life is forever in the process of change and completion. Moreover, in life, we are often caught in situations, where we don't know where to go, what to do as both ways seem just as bad .....

But in every DIRE situations, there is always some honey dripping from somewhere. If you are wise, you will put out your tongue and enjoy some of that honey, instead of wasting time thinking of a solution when there is no solution.That's our life, so why waste the moments of honey even in the most desparate of troubles. The future is uncertain and we never can be sure what's coming next" ....

Wow ..... what enlightening conversation for me ..... is really a spiritual awakening .....

These words of wisdom meant alot to me, so I thought perhaps I can share these gifts of wisdom with all of you here and hopefully can be of help to the critical problems you faced in life.

Have a nice day ahead !!  

Merry Christmas Greetings & Thanks Giving

Dear All

Year 2010 has been a extremely challenging, exciting and terbulance year for me and my family. Alot of things to learn from this year, and to be fair to myself, I have learnt my lessons well. hehehe This year, I have run a good race.

And I believe, all of us, to each of our own ability has run a good race this year .... give yourself a pad on the back.



The most exciting part of this year is seeing the true colours of many people around me 形形色色.

真的是日久见人心. But I still believe that there's kindness inside each and everyone of us...人心是善的 !!

Plenty of things to be grateful for ... however this year, it's sad that I can't share with you in the room where we built our fellowship and friendship .... but still you are still on my gratitude list. However, there some special mentions ....

Recalling the incident back in May 2010 ..... I wouldn't have able to go thru it safely without you guys.......

Raymond, Cheah, Daniel, Joseph, Steven, Jason, Uncle Poh ...

Thank you very much for all the help during that very difficult period for me. I really appreciate it very much.

Mike, you are one of god's gift to me. Thanks for everything you have done for me, the help you have given me since we met. I enjoyed every moment of the time we spent together. Thanks for treating me like a real brother. I really treasure our brotherhood. Thanks Brother.

Johari, coming 4years since we met ... recalling your warm welcome in that special room , your warm smile, warm hug ... it has kept me going for the last 4 years. It has infected me, and I am glad that over the past 4 years, I am able to pass it on (the warm welcome) to every new comers that comes into my recovery support grp.... make them felt a sense of not-being-alone anymore .... Till today, I still enjoy every little meeting we had ... there's always so much to share to catch up ... Thanks buddy.

My children, Celena, Benjamin and Carys ... alot had happend between us this year. Regardless of the happenings, it is really a awakening journey for me. Celena, I have learnt alot from all the drama that happened to us this year and Dad still love you just as much. Benjamin, I am proud of your PSLE achievement simply bcos you have worked hard and done your best. Carys, you have never failed to brighten up my day!! Children, I believed that we are bounded even much closer after this year.

The most amazing person in my life all this while of none other than you, Winnie ..... my dearest wife. Simply put it in a sentence ... "I wouldn't have survived till today without your unconditioned love for me .... " thanks for still treating me as a little child, keeping check on me and giving me pocket money each day. This has kept me safe hahaha Love U.

王慧国居士, thanks for your guidance and the skills you have taught me during the holiday.... it's really a big milestone and breakthrough in my life.... 谢谢师父。

And of course without them I won't be here ....... and during my rock bottom, without their tough love for me, not bailing me out anymore, I have that chance of re-born and live my life again .... To my dearest Parent, thanks for not giving up on me and your tough love. Slowly but surely, I will make it right and make it there :)

Finally, everything started and also ending with GOD. A Big THANK YOU !!

我佛慈悲怜悯。。阿弥陀佛

Merry Christmas to All

May the year 2011 brings you lots of blessings, love and good health.

Though a new year, new challenges but one thing remains always the same for me ....

"I am still powerless over my addictions, and my life is still unmanageable." 

But slowly, steadily and surely, I am making progress.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

Thanks For The Concerns

Dear Fellowship and Friends,

I recieved quite a number of calls and concern emails on why I am not at the meeting and wondering whether something has happened to me or there's some issues at home ...

Some has even wonder that I have relasped and feeling too shameful or guilty to go back .... Hahaha

Thanks for all the concerns. I am doing well and fine. My family is well and fine. We are standing together, walking the journey together in recovery. Though there's some struggle and obstacles in the recent month where I was out of job, resting and awaiting for my students to resume their tuitions. But still, together as a unit, my family survive it well happily and better than the same period in previous years.

THIS IS WHAT I MEANT BY PROGRESS .... 

I walked out from Nams with my head held high up. There's no shame and guilt. If there's such feeling, it's definitely not coming from me.



Do doubt that my ego and pride was hurt by the insult, but I walked out to protect my own dignity and pride, to protect my own recovery. So don't worry, I am still standing tall. Btw, work has slowly resumed for me so income will slowly be stable again.

Once again, thanks for the concern. It's a choice that I have made.

Take care of yourself, your recovery and your family. God Bless