A Gambler in Denial

Recently a recovery friend sent me this piece of news on the internet, story by Yahoo! Singapore on 28 Aug 2010 ...

I read with interest over and over again. Let me share with you the story here and share with you the similar thoughts, denial and belief system which are similar to mine during my destructive gambling days.

The first thing which impressed me was, at the age of 28 he has S$100,000 in saving, which he claimed he lost within minutes ... hehehe anyway I like this story. 

Here you go

Singapore News

Man bets S$100,000 life savings online — and loses

By Ion Danker – August 28th, 2010

Just a few minutes of madness caused Gabriel Lim, 28, to lose S$100,000 – his entire life savings – on an online gaming website. What possessed him to take such a risk?

Currently unemployed, the former store supervisor first got hooked to online baccarat last November after friends introduced him to the game.

<< A store supervisor with $100,000 life saving at age of 28 !! Impressive bro >>

The lure of ”easy money” induced Lim to set up an account with the online gaming website. Initially, Lim started with small S$5 bets but blessed with ”beginner’s luck”, his winnings soon came up to an average of S$2,000 a day in the first few months.

“I was playing it almost three hours each day at home and sometimes in the office too,” he told Yahoo! Singapore.

“I remember winning S$15,000 within a day, it really felt good,” said the diploma holder, who quit his job to focus full-time on his new passion.

The adrenaline “rush” from winning big caused Lim to make bigger and bigger bets, all in the hope of making a huge windfall. Then came the crash in March earlier this year — in just a matter of minutes.

<< My cycle of destructive gambling ... Winning - Chase, Losing - Also Chase, Keep Losing - Must Chase, Desparate time - Die Die Must Chase, Win back some - Best time to chase !! Got Gamble got hope. I won big before. I have runs of winning steaks. This losing phase won't last forever one. >> 

Revealing how he lost $100,000 in the blink of an eye, he said, “The simple rule [in online gambling] is to use the ‘doubling up’ method, where you double your bet amount each time you lose. But remember, once you lose ten games in a row, log off and accept defeat,” Lim said.

“But I lost discipline and control and went against the ‘rule’. I continued with the 11th game thinking I would be able to win back my losses but lost everything instead.”

<<  After losing that $100k, he still think that he lost because he is not discipline and not enough self control. He still believe that he has a system that can works and it worked before because he has won big before. And even came out with his own rules and theory for on-line betting !!! Something wrong with his brain ?? Of course not. I was just like him. This is the mind of an gambling addict >>

“I was stunned for a few minutes and when I realised all my money was gone, the only thing I wanted to do was smash things up to vent my anger and frustration,” he said.

Afraid his parents would find out, he turned to his elder brother after seeing his personal savings wiped out.

“[My brother] lost S$50,000 at the casino so he understands what I am going through,” Lim said.

So how is he dealing with the loss?

Lim nonchalantly said no one is to blame except himself. When Yahoo! Singapore spoke to him, the single man didn’t appear too affected by losing such a huge sum of money.

He even remains adamant that he is not a compulsive gambler. He says he is now looking for a new job so he can start saving from scratch in order to build up another pool of capital.

 

“I will continue to gamble once I save enough cash and I believe this time round, I will follow the rules and win back my money,” he said confidently.

“I don’t consider myself a compulsive gambler because to me, it’s more of a tactical thing where I strategise to win money. The key is discipline.”

(( The story ends here ....... ))

Why should I stop ?

I am just out of luck and out of bullets at the moment.

I win before and I have a system that works.

I will rest for now, fine tune my system and once I gather my bullets, I will try win back everything. I will follow strictly the rules I set for myself.

hahaha this tune is constantly playing in my mind even after 45 months in recovery. This music kept playing over and over again during my years of destructive gambling, especially after each bailout of my debts.

Recalling, one desparate Sunday night in 2006, when I was left with $500 bucks in my on-line betting account, I need to make a repayment of more that $40k worth of debts on the next day...... I kneel down infront of my Higher Power, get joss sticks burnt my own hands and swear infront of my higher power, if you help me overturn my losses tonight, I will never gamble again !!

Then I started tossing 2 coins to get HIS indication for the 5 spanish games I selected and of course I won !! Won big in the parley bet. $64K in all. But did I stop ...... Need to guess ??

Insanity right !! That's a Gambler in Denial ....

Hope you like the story.