Another Failure ?? Another Slip ?? Another Bet ??

So what will happen if you meet any failure in life ??

It was rather disturbing .... but motivating for me recently when I catch up with a long time recovery buddy.

His world completely collapsed  after he worked hard for the past 6-7 years to rebuilt his life. At a certain point back then, he climb up the ladder fast and well in the F&B industry ..... I was full of envy for him then ... He got this break, taken his chance and did well then ....

Now it was completely shattered ...... why ??

THAT's NOT IMPORTANT .....  not important for us to know the reason and what caused the downfall//
People, places and things all played a part in it ....

BUT what can we do .....
ESPECIALLY during recovery ... WHEN WE MEET ANOTHER FAILURE IN LIFE ..

Or we slip and gone back to gambling (but not yet destructive like before)

Things happened for a reason ...... but many times we do not need to know the reason ..

IT'S DONE AND OVER WITH.

MOST IMPORTANTLY ,,,,, I HAVE TO DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING !! and don't allow the failure to drag me down again.

This picture really inspired me AND I DON'T USE IT AS AN EXCUSE FOR ANOTHER FAILURE

Every failure ... Every Slip  ... Every Fall ..... I will learn the lessons well. All these failures, setbacks must not make me bitter and drag me down again ...

They are part of my success .... 
They are part of my learning experience to build my foundation for success if I learnt the lesson well ...

Easy to say then done ??? 
I'm not here to convince anyone ..... 
I'm here to share and to learn ... and I'm still learning and growing in recovery.

Life in recovery is always under construction.

It's a journey ..
............. that I may not reach my destination ......
............. A journey that may not be accident free ....

But i will keep in as safe as enjoyable as possible.

Don't give up

No matter how painful it is...

No matter how hopeless it seems..

No matter how many people has given up on us...

Don't ever give up on yourself..

Learning to Let go.. is not giving up.

Recovery is for ourselves and not for others..

It has to be tough...
It has to be painful..
It has to be difficult...

If not... people like me ... wont change..

Hang in there...

Dont ever give up on yourself.

A Disease that can HIT AnYone ..

Woke up to this piece of news ....

Not surprising but just amazing ...

Coming from a Agency that report directly to PM !!

Recently in Singapore .... many high ranking govt officials got involved with such scandals..

From CNB to SCDF .... to now CPIB ???

SEX - MONEY - MAN !!!

Nothing surprising ... just amazing ... LOOK this man is only 39!!!

Now look at what the money is used for ...

GAMBLING HABIT !!!!!!

regardless of your age ....
regardless of your moral values ...
regardless of your high qualification ...
regardless of your high ranking sensitive POST ...
regardless whether you report to Prime Minister, to your Wife or to your parents or even to GOD 

Regardless of how smart, how intelligence , how loyal , how faithful, how outstanding you are ..


GAMBLING ADDICTION 
is a CUNNING, POWERFUL and BAFFLING Disease THAT CAN HIT ANYONE
.......

Gambling gave me a pair of glasses

Just overheard this on tv drama..

"Gambling has given me a pair of glasses.... to let me see clearly the people around me... the places.... the society.... the things that are happening..."

How true it was.... it really touches my heart. .. 7years had passed since my downfall..

Most around me in my cirlce left feeling disgusted, angry and disappointed..

I lost everything.... even my own dignity. . Lost my soul.... and nearly wanted to end my life...

But
my parents,
my beloved wife
my 3 lovely kids...

They were so hurt... so much pain..
So much disappointment. . So much tears. ...

BUT THEY NEVER GIVE UP ON ME. Never look down on me

THEY STOOD BY ME ALL THESE WHILE

Allowing me time to change.

Giving me the space to change.

Giving me the understanding to change.

Giving me the chance to change.

Giving me the LOVE to change.

I could see so so clearly with this pair of glasses now..

Now on the hinge side..

Hahaha gambling did something good to me....

Thank you so much for giving me this pair of glasses...

When do we "change"

How true it was for me.....

7 years back.... when I reached my rock bottom in my gambling career. .

I have lost everything....

Facing a broken family...
Devastated parent and wife..
Disgusted and disappointed frens
Lost my high profile job..
Going through bankrupt proceedings
And a jail term in front of me..

How painful can it be...
With so much shame and guilt...

That's was the time I realized that I have no more bullet to fight back..

I have to stop gambling ...

I need to change....

But before I could really start to change. ..

I have to deal with the pain....

It was so painful indeed...

And i wasn't happy then.... filled with so much pain and anger.. i didn't really change... I just stopped !!!

So how and when did the change start.....

This is what i did...
"Just stopped being angry" !!

Only i stopped being angry then i am able to learn how to be happy..

Then there's where changes will start to take place...

Things happened

Everything happened for a reason

Be it spiritual or religious. .

You reap what you sow.. as stated in the bible...

Or be it karma...  as in buddhism..

If it happened to me... it just means that "I deserve it!! No more no less!!"

If it didnt happen to me... it just means that "I dont deserve it !!" Or time is not ripe. ...

Good things happen ...
Bad things happen...

So if I deserve it... it will happened.

No need to run..
No need to chase...
No need to hide...

No matter what happened to me...
"ALL I NEED TO DO... IS TO

STAY HUMBLE..
STAY GRATEFUL..
AND KEEP MY FEET on the ground.!"

Stau focus on tday..
One day at a time.

Love Oneself

Before you can be good to others and start to love others...

You must learn to be good to your and love yourself....

THis iS VERY IMPORTANT IN RECOVERY. ...

Simple Routine that helps my Recovery

In my recovery.... the following routine help me alot of the past 2years..

Perhaps you could find 1-2 useful skills that could help in your recovery too.

1) For those that i have harmed, and money that beyond my ability to return......

I will help them with a prayer of blessings on a daily basis.

2) For all the things that I can't change ......

I will learn to accept them and have the courage to change the things I can...

AND THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE IS TO CHANGE MY ATTITUDE IN LIFE AND NEVER TO RESPONSE IN ANGER.

3) For those things that I desire and unable to get....4D AND TOTO that I missed..

I will stay grateful and contented with what I have.

4) For the excess "luggages" that im unable to let go... guilt, shame..

I will see thru it and learn to let go abit at a time... by focusing on just tday.

Before I could repair or repay anything, or make any amends..

I must first repent and reconstruct myself..

I must be well..
I must be happy...
I must pick myself up again...

No more quick fix solutions...
No more response in anger...

It takes time....

And must be from the heart...
Not for the show...

And it must be for yourself. . !!!

Anger

Anger is never a clever response..

In recovery... I was filled with so much anger...

Initially I was anger with people places and things... then I realized that I was even more anger with myself...

There was so many things to deal with in recovery. .

Stopping gambling
Dealing with debts
Repairing relationships
Getting back to work
Facing all the "talks", finger point
Handling shame and guilt
Coping with urges...

And so many other thingy happening around us....

So at such high stress level.. how to stay cool and not lose our temper when being poke...

Not possible? ?

Many at times I thought to myself..

"I have already stopped gambling! ! Why cant they be grateful for that... !!"

......

Think again.....

Who should be the one that should be grateful. .. "they"??  ..

There are  still people ard you..
They are still staying your side. .

The damages, pain that I have caused..... wont just go away bcos I have stopped gambling...

Won't "angry responses" make it worst...... ????

It is not that we dont response when being abused....

Just don't response in ANGER..

don't say anything if whatever you say is not gona be nice...

Just keep silent if unable to smile..

Your effort in not responding in anger and saying ugly remarks  will be a very strong foundation you need in recovery. ..

It will require alot of effort.

Take it easy, one day @ a time.

Beginning of a New Chapter ...

Hi all

It has been a long time since I wrote on this blog ....

Many wonder what happen to me .... am I still alive ..

Did I go back my destructive way ....

No matter what happened ... It's over and done with .... Not important anymore.

It's heartening for me to know that there is still many that read my past post...

So what why is there a 2 years gap .....



I have invested the past two years in my family ....

Recovery within the family...

Learning to be a good husband, good father and also a good son ..


HOW ?? ...... I began that with

1) learning to listen ... and not talking all the time ..

2) not to lose my temper, by appreciating all little things around me ..



1 .5 years gone .... and I think I done pretty well .. bcos people around me is smiling all the time

And I am enjoying myself daily ....



Still the basic principle ... ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Stay grateful, focusing on just today and stay positive in all situation.

Recovery is a JOURNEY ..... not a DESTINATION.

I am the driver and all the passengers in my car is also enjoying the journey, smiling, joking, chatting, and loving each other ....

And that's my job as the driver ....

Keep my passenger safe ....

Keep the ride smooth ....

Listen to my passengers .... giving them only advise they need at appropriate time...


And do my best to make it a enjoyable and fun ride ....

If tired ..... stop the car, take a break, have a meal and then regroup again before the next drive ...



Stay tune for more ...