“We live a day at a time but also from moment to moment.”

Matthew 6:34
## Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own ##

Life often seems too complicated to understand, especially for those of us, like me, who’ve dodged it for so long. I dare not face it because I can't handle it....... I kept escaping into my world of fantasy, and false belief. I often thought, money is the solution to all my problems and I seriously believed it for years, since I started to place my first bet - of course I won.

In the past, I believed that "Money" was the cause of all my problem and "Gambling" was the only solution I know.

When I stopped gambling, I came face to face with a world that was confusing, even terrifying. Looking at life and all its details, all at once, may be overwhelming...

• The overwhelming debts which I have to salute myself because I never even realized it was so huge, beyond my own imagination...


• The broken relationships around me which seems beyond repair, perhaps not in this life time.... making amends is a dreadful and haunting tasks


• The betrayal of my marriage was extremely damaging and painful for my wife......


• The lost of employment, spending time behind bars, the discrimination I faced in the community, the bankruptcy order, feeding the family ....


• And the past will always catch up with me ......

I often think that maybe I can’t handle life after all and that it’s useless to try. I am so powerless of my addiction, my emotions, my life, the people, places and things around me !!! These thoughts feed themselves, and many at times, I was paralyzed by the imagined complexity of life. Many of times, in any conflicts at home, with people around me, the past often catch up with me. I am in recovery but they are not ..... Many still can't forget and let go of the pain I inflicted on them...... who can .... They may have forgiven me, but they will not forget the hurt, the pain I caused upon them. It is just too much for them to handle. So in many conflicts, I will be constantly reminded about what I have done in the past. I am being disqualified. I can't even defend myself now even it was about the past...... I suck my thumb, text a recovery friend, process my emotions and let the tears flow inwards.

I am grateful that I started recovery, surrendering in Jan 2007. I began my journey of recovery, stay in recovery till now and will always be in recovery.

• I don't have to win now


• I don't have to be in control now


• I don't have to provide any solution now


• I learn to accept the fact of the past, the cruelty of the present and the uncertainty of tomorrow


• I understand they are the victims of my addictions


• I just don't have to fix anything now

However, for me - Life sucks. I know I have to learn to enjoy little things in my life now. Honestly, I am grateful for the new lease of life that God has given me, but that doesn't mean I am happy. Perhaps I need to re-learn the meaning of "contentment"........

For this very moment, I don’t have to fix everything at once. Solving a single problem seems possible, so I learn to take them one at a time. I take care of each moment as it comes, and then take care of the next moment as it comes. In recovery, I learn to stay sober, sane and sincere just for today, and I approach my problems the same way.

When I live life in each moment, it’s not such a terrifying prospect afterall.
One breath at a time, I can stay sober and learn to live.

Just for today, I will keep it simple by living in this moment only. Today, I will tackle only today’s problems; I will leave tomorrow’s problems to tomorrow.

STOP LIVING IN THE PAST

Many compulsive gamblers struggle in the early days of their recovery, through looking back to their past life, burdening themselves with guilt, remorse, money they have lost, opportunities they have missed, or lack of progress at work. Our experience has shown that if we are to recover, these things must be left in the past and we must move on.

Guilt and remorse can cripple us. They are very close to self-pity. We must strive to replace them with the acceptance of responsibility, and make amends where we can.

Money lost

- We must accept that this money is gone. We have already spent considerable time and money trying to get it back, with no success. All we have achieved is more misery and more pain.

Opportunities missed

- If we come to accept a safe, and more prudent way of life, we will have more opportunities, and if we are free from gambling and living a useful life, we will be able to take advantage of them when they occur. The old ones are gone, look forward to the new ones.

Lack of progress at work

- What can be done in that field depends a lot on the age and abilities of the member. However, irrespective of age or ability, any member can become a better worker. Probably for the first time in years, we are able to concentrate on what our job requires us to do. We can channel the energy we needed for gambling into our daily tasks, then leave the rest to our own higher power.

To sum up, our experience has shown us that if we care to embark on a new life, free from gambling and all the problems and misery that gambling generates, then we must close the book on the life we are leaving behind.

Responsibility

“A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive. If we do not take the time to appreciate both, perhaps we will miss something that will help us grow.”

Responsibility, responsibility — the responsibilities of life are everywhere. Now in recovery, on top of normal responsibility, we’re “supposed to” stop gambling, learn to structure and pay for our debts, learn to hold on to a job, go to GA meetings and practice our recovery program as best we can (with honesty, open-mindedness and willingness)

It’s no wonder that, sometimes, we want to run from all these tasks and escape to some far-off island where we’re not “supposed to” do anything! Many times like these, when we’ve become overwhelmed with our responsibilities, we have forgotten that responsibility need not be burdensome.

When we have a desire to run away from our responsibilities we need to slow down, remember why we have chosen them, and pay attention to the gifts they bring. Whether it’s a job we normally find challenging and interesting, or a partner whose personality we are usually excited by, or a child whom we naturally like to play with and care for, there is joy to be found in all the responsibilities of our lives.

The goal in recovery is to find the balance : we take responsibility for ourselves, and we identify our true responsibilities to others. We will need to be gentle with ourselves while we learn.

Just for today: Each moment is special. I will pay attention, grateful for my responsibilities and the special joys they bring.

Financial Fears

Since released .... I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I has worked courageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financial goals and working at believing I deserved something better ...

I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation since surrendering for treatment ... since the day I admitted "Im powerless over my gambling addiction ..... " . Daily, I work the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying for the knowledge of God's will for me only, and the power to carry it through. I believe I was doing what I needed to do in my life. I was doing my best, working my hardest, one day at a time.

And there just wasn't enough money. Life had been a struggle in many ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless.

Money isn't everything, BUt it takes money to solve certain problems. At times, I was just so sick of people telling me "let go and let GOD do the rest" ..... I was sick of acting and pretending everything is gona be ok and GOD will rescue me ..... and acting as if I head enough money. Everyday, I have to work so hard just to learn to "LET GO" of the pain and the fear anbout not having enough family to feed my family, keep my shelter intact, pay for medical bills, kids education etc. .....

Actually, looking back, there were times I was happy. I had found my soul and regain my sanity in poverty. BUT now that I had my soul, my sanity and my self, I WANTED some money too.

Many times while I was struggling in pain and fear, I heard GOD speak to me in silent ....

"YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY AGAIN CHILD. NOT UNLESS YOU WANT TO. I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU. AND I WILL"

Great I though. Thanks alot. I believe you and trust you. BUT LOOK AROUND .... I have no money ... I am running out of resources ..... I thought again - - - "YOU LET ME DOWN"

Again I hear HIS voice ...

"YOU DON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY AGAIN.YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID. I PROMISED TO MEET ALL YOUR NEEDS".

I went around trying to solve the money problem my ways ..... hahaha at times still praying for GOD to grant my wife a big WIND-FALL in all the luck draws contest she took part in ..... it never happen ....

Day by Day it passes, I still have enough to feed the family, I still have enough means and support for my family necessity ..... there are helps given to me by various social services ..... I was given more and more part-time assignments , projects .... and I am starting to bring enough home ...

Since that day I surrender ..... I have had hard times, but I have never had to go without - - not for more than a moment in time.

Now, I have just enough ... I still worry about money becos that seems to be habitual..... I will continue to learn that "I DON'T HAVE TO ...... "

GOD, help me work hard at what I believe is right for me in my life today, and I will trust you for the rest. Help me let go of my fears about money. Help me turn that area over to you, GOD.

~ Serenity Prayers ~

Serenity Prayer

Recovery involves change, and change means doing things differently. The problem is, many of us resist doing things differently; what we’re doing may not be working, but at least we’re familiar with it. It takes courage to step out into the unknown. How do we find that courage?

We can look around ourselves at our support group meeting. There, we see others who’ve found they needed to change what they were doing and who’ve done so successfully.

Not only does that help quiet our fear that change —any change— spells disaster, it also gives us the benefit of their experience with what does work, experience we can use in changing what doesn’t.

We can also look at our own recovery experience. Even if that experience, so far, has been limited to stopping gambling, still we have made many changes in our lives — changes for the good.

Whatever aspects of our lives we have applied the steps to, we have always found surrender better than denial, recovery superior to addiction.

Our own experience and the experience of others in our support group tells us that “changing the things I can” is a big part of what recovery is all about. The steps and the power to practice them give us the direction and courage we need to change. We have nothing to fear.

Just for today:
I welcome change. With the help of my Higher Power, I will find the courage to change the things I can.

~ ARMOUR OF RECOVERY ~

THIS IS AN INTERESTING IDEA SHARED DURING ONE OF THE RECOVERY SUPPORT GROUP MEETING

HELMET

- - OF HOPE in Recovery

BELT OF TRUTH

- - HONESTY is the key to the path of Recovery

BREASTPLATE OF RIGHTOUSNESS

- - To keep us protected from the ARROWS of temptation to GAMBLE or the DESIRE to GAMBLE

BOOTS OF PEACE

- - Honesty will SET you Free ..... Surrendering, Acceptance will bring you PEACE

SHIELD OF FAITH

- - Faith in the Recovery program...... GOD put tears in your eyes to create RAINBOW in your HEART. In Recovery, walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT.

SWORD OF SPIRIT

- - USE the word of GOD, Use prayers to fight the ADDICT WITHIN ..... to fight against any temptation and desire to GAMBLE !!! This is the OFFENSIVE weapon. USE IT !!

FINALLY ....... PRAY DAILY, PRAY OFTEN, PRAY IN EVERYTHING YOU DO IN RECOVERY

HOPE YOU WILL FIND SOME LIGHT IN IT !!

"ONE DAY AT A TIME"

~ EASY DOES IT ~

TURN IT OVER

GRATEFUL LIST

“We focus on anything that isn’t going our way and ignore all the beauty in our lives.”

It’s easy to be grateful when everything runs smoothly. If we get a raise at work, we’re grateful. If we get married, we’re grateful. If someone surprises us with a nice present or an unasked favor, we’re grateful.

But if we get fired, divorced, or disappointed, gratitude flies out the window. We find ourselves becoming obsessed with the things that are wrong, even though everything else may be wonderful.

This is where we can use a gratitude list.

We sit down with a pen and paper and list the people for whom we are grateful. We all have people who’ve supported us through life’s upheavals. We list the spiritual assets we have attained, for we know we could never make it through our present circumstances without them. Last, but not least, we list our recovery itself. Whatever we have that we are grateful for goes on the list.

We’re sure to find that we have literally hundreds of things in our lives that inspire our gratitude. Even those of us who are suffering from an illness or who have lost all material wealth will find blessings of a spiritual nature for which we can be thankful. An awakening of the spirit is the most valuable gift an addict can receive.

Just for today:

I will write a list of things, both material and spiritual, for which I am grateful.